The Untold Hamtaro
by GenieMaster
Summary: Sorry for the long wait! But the show must go on...and here it goes.
1. I smell a lawsuit

Alright, just so you know, this story is definitely not supposed to have any sort of plot or make any sense whatsoever. Also, I'm going by my nick- name Genie, so when you see Genie, that's me. Um.also please review it for me, k? If I don't get any reviews I'm not gonna write any more. Got that? Ok, now.beware. Oh yeah, and I don't own Venus and Serena Williams, btw. If I did I would be making tons of money and probably wouldn't have time to write Hamtaro fanfics. Oh yeah, and also I don't own Lucky Charms or its stupid little mascot the leprechaun thing.  
  
~  
  
Genie: It was a normal day. A normal, average day. A normal, average, plain day. A normal, average, plain, boring day. A normal, average, plain, boring, unimportant -  
  
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: SHUT UP ALREADY!!! *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*  
  
Genie: ow hey ughhhh pain pain pain *faints*  
  
*Applause*  
  
Mysterious hamster with no origin, point or even existence: My work here is done. *vanishes into thin air*  
  
*Resounding silence*  
  
Cricket: chirp chirp.  
  
*Applause*  
  
Cricket: Thank you, thank you very much.  
  
Random person in audience: Can we get to the story now?  
  
Cricket: There's no one to tell it now. Genie's out cold.  
  
Genie: Actually I think I'm starting to come around again so -  
  
Cricket: Shut up. *bashes Genie over the head with a pot*  
  
Genie: Wow, even the characters in my stories hate me. *faints again*  
  
Stan, appearing out of nowhere in particular: Okay, dudes and dudettes, I'll tell the story. A-hem. Once upon a time, there was this totally gnarly dude who like had orange fur and tiger stripes and an annoying little twin sister who looked exactly like him but she was a lot less rad and all that jive. So anyhow, this dude was like a complete chick magnet and all the ham- babes totally adored him. So one day this dude -  
  
Sandy, also appearing out of nowhere in particular: STAN!!! *grabs him by the tail with her ribbon and drags him offstage* That was totally uncool. You like totally dissed me.  
  
Stan, being dragged along the ground by Sandy's ribbon: Hey, I didn't mean it! Honest! I love you sis! Come on, gimme a break, I was just telling the people what they wanted to hear!  
  
**************We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.**************  
  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.  
  
*************We will now return you to our regularly scheduled program.*************  
  
Genie: Hello, it's me again!!!  
  
Cricket: I've got my eye on you.  
  
Genie: O _ O  
  
Cricket: That's right. Be afraid. Be very afraid. : D  
  
Genie: A-hem. So on this normal day, Hamtaro was on his way to the clubhouse...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hamtaro: Dun dun DUN!!! Ham-ha everyone!!! It's a beautiful morning, I think I'll go outside for a while...  
  
Snoozer: Don't sing. It sickens me. *throws pillow at Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, where is everyone???  
  
*Silence*  
  
Hamtaro: Nobody's here.  
  
Snoozer: Great observation, Sherlock. Let's promote you to chief detective.  
  
Hamtaro: -_-  
  
Boss, popping out from the middle of nowhere: RYAAAAAAHHAAAAAAFROOOOOWWWWGRRRRAAAAHHHHRRRAYYYYY!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! BE GONE EVIL DEMON!!!! GO BACK TO THE FIRES OF HELL!!!!! *whips out a little cross and holds it in front of him*  
  
Boss: Um...  
  
Hamtaro: Oh ha ha. It's just you, Boss.  
  
Snoozer: Not gonna say anything...zuzuzu....  
  
Boss: Fo sho it's just me. Everyone else wented to various random places.  
  
Hamtaro: "Wented"???  
  
Snoozer: I'm outta here. *picks up a few suitcases and dases out the door; in the background is heard the sound of a jet plane taking off and Snoozer's voice saying "Take care of Fluffy for me!"*  
  
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Fluffy?  
  
Boss: Snoozer's pet pillow.  
  
Hamtaro: You mean the one he threw at me?  
  
Boss: Probably.  
  
Hamtaro: Well I don't know where it wented.  
  
Boss: "Wented"???  
  
*Outside is heard the sound of a jet plane landing and then scurrying footsteps; the door is thrown open and there is Snoozer*  
  
Snoozer: YOU LOST FLUFFY?!?!  
  
Hamtaro: I'll buy you a new one.  
  
Snoozer: Not good enough. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I WANT FLUFFY BACK!!! NO ONE WILL REST PEACEFULLY UNTIL MY PRECIOUS IS RETURNED!!!!!  
  
Hamtaro&Boss: "My precious?"  
  
Snoozer: Yes, my precioussssss. *for those of you who aren't familiar with 'Lord of the Rings,' that was a take-off of Gollum*  
  
*Snoozer starts searching frantically for Fluffy*  
  
Hamtaro: So where did you say everyone else wented?  
  
Boss: Various random places.  
  
Hamtaro: Like what?  
  
Boss: Well, let's see...Howdy and Dexter went to play tennis...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~We now flash to where Howdy and Dexter are playing tennis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Okay, that's forty-love. One more point and I win.  
  
Howdy: Did you just call me 'love'?  
  
Dexter: Um, no. Love means zero. It's forty to zero. My favor.  
  
Howdy: Hold on there. How'd you get forty points? You've only scored three times.  
  
Dexter: Sigh...aren't you at all familiar with the rules of scoring in tennis?  
  
Howdy: Not really. How do you know so much about it anyway?  
  
Dexter: I had two personal trainers...  
  
Howdy: Seriously? Who?  
  
Dexter: Venus and Serena Willaims... *for those of you who aren't familiar with them, they're these two sisters who are like really famous tennis players*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Venus Williams: Dexter, I hate to tell you this but I don't think you'll ever make it as a pro tennis player.  
  
Serena Williams: In fact, the only way you'll ever probably win is if you're playing against some random hamster wearing an apron who has a southern accent and squinty eyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dexter's pointless flashback ends~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Ah, those were the days...  
  
Howdy: Serve's up!!! *hits the tennis ball as hard as he can, which goes flying directly into Dexter's forehead*  
  
Dexter: Ouchichi. *falls over backwards*  
  
Howdy: Haha! I guess I don't know my own strength, but that was pretty good, wouldn't you say, Dex?  
  
*Dexter's foot twitches a little*  
  
Howdy: Dex? Dex?  
  
*Silence*  
  
Howdy: That ain't cool...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Now we flash back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: And I think Maxwell went to find a cure for cancer.  
  
Hamtaro: Again?  
  
Boss: Yeah.  
  
~~~~~~~~~Now we flash to where Max is working in some secluded little laboratory on the edge of nowhere, with piles of scientific papers and stuff stacked all over the place~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: Eurika! I've got it!  
  
*A little tiny alien spaceship lands on his desk and a little tiny alien pops out*  
  
Alien: How many times must you force us to do this? It is against the laws of the universe for a hamster to know the cure for cancer. Therefore we once again must erase it from your memory. *zaps Max with a little ray gun thingy*  
  
Maxwell: Hello alien. You look familiar. How did you get here? Who am I? What's the cure for cancer?  
  
Alien: I must leave you now. Farewell. *hops into spaceship and takes off*  
  
Maxwell: Right about now, I really wish I knew how to get home. Wherever home is. Do I have a home? Why does my memory fail me? Sigh...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: Isn't that about the 57th time he's tried to find a cure for cancer?  
  
Boss: By my calculations, 59th.  
  
Snoozer: Precioussssss is gone...  
  
Hamtaro&Boss: -_-  
  
Hamtaro: So anywho, where's the rest of them?  
  
Boss: All the girls went fishing.  
  
Hamtaro: Fishing???  
  
Boss: Yeah. Fishing.  
  
~~~~~~Guess where we flash to now? That's right! The place where the girls are fishing!~~~~~  
  
Bijou: Anyone caught anything yet?  
  
Pashmina: Nope.  
  
Sandy: Nope.  
  
Penelope: Ookwee. *pulls up her line and Bijou is on the end of it*  
  
Pashmina&Sandy: O - O *look over to where Bijou was sitting just a second before and she's still sitting there; look back at the end of Penelope's line and now there's nothing on it*  
  
Penelope: Ookwee. *puts her line back in the water*  
  
Bijou: I don't know why we are not catching anything.  
  
Pashmina: Maybe we're not using the right kind of bait. *there's a sweaty gym sock on the end of her line*  
  
Sandy: No, I don't think that's it. Maybe the fish are all sleeping.  
  
Maxwell, popping out of nowhere quite randomly: Fish don't sleep. They don't have eyelids, so they can't even close their eyes. *disappears back into the middle of nowhere*  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo ookwee?  
  
Bijou: What does that mean?  
  
Pashmina: She said, 'Maybe this isn't a good place to fish.'  
  
Sandy: Haha. She's so cute. Of course this is a good fishing hole.  
  
*Now the camera zooms out and we see that they are sitting on the edge of a table fishing in a bowl of lucky charms*  
  
Penelope: Ookweeeeeee. *translation: Whatever*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ok, we're flashing back to the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: Oh yeah, Stan went out looking for cute chicks.  
  
Hamtaro: Well, that's a big surprise.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashing to Stan, who is surrounded by cute chicks~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Stan: I love you babes. *throws them some chicken feed*  
  
Chicks: Cheep cheep cheep. *yes, they're actual chicks, as in baby chickens. You didn't think Stan would be doing something typical, did you? That would completely ruin the point of the story.*  
  
Stan: Actually, you there, with the eyepatch? You're not that cute. Get out of here.  
  
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP??? *translation: What do you mean, I'm not cute?*  
  
Stan: You heard me.  
  
Chick with eyepatch: : O  
  
Stan: What I meant was...ummm....  
  
Chick with eyepatch: CHEEP!!! *translation: ATTACK!!!*  
  
*all the chicks start chasing Stan*  
  
Stan: Wait! I didn't mean it! Don't hurt me, I have a wife and three kids! Okay, maybe just a wife! Well, maybe just a girlfriend. Well, actually, not even that. But I have a sister! That counts for something, right?  
  
*the chicks keep chasing him, until finally he runs into a dark alley and all the chicks lose sight of him and run in the opposite direction looking for him*  
  
Stan: Phew. Safe.  
  
*some random chicken appears behind him*  
  
Chicken: Cheap.  
  
Stan: AAAARRRGHHHHH!!!! *runs away*  
  
Chicken: What's his deal? I was just telling him about our low prices on eggs. *holds up an egg tray with sticker on it that says 'Cheap'*  
  
Stan: Man, this is crazy. Maybe if I sneak around behind this building...  
  
Chick behind building: CHEEP!!! *starts chasing him*  
  
Stan: AAAAAGHHHHH!!! *runs away*  
  
Chick: Hey, come back! I just wanted to return your wallet that you dropped!  
  
*please forgive me, I know those were some pretty stupid jokes*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: What about Oxnard? Where's he?  
  
Boss: Oh yeah, how could I forget? He went on an extremely intense quest for the lost treasure of Monkey Island.  
  
Hamtaro: Monkey Island???  
  
Boss: Yeah. Don't tell me you've never heard of it?  
  
Hamtaro: Actually................................................................no.  
  
Boss: Well, anyhow, apparently there's some lost treasure there.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oxnard: Hey, do you guys think you could help me find some kind of lost treasure?  
  
Monkey number 1: Eeek eeek ooh ooh eek.  
  
Monkey number 2, in a British accent: You'll have to excuse him. He has some trouble speaking sometimes.  
  
Oxnard: Why do you have a British accent? Isn't this off the coast of Mexico?  
  
Monkey number 2: I'm an immigrant monkey.  
  
Oxnard: Well do you know where the treasure is?  
  
Monkey number 1: EEEEEEEEK EEEEEEEK WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Monkey number 2: Oh shut up.  
  
Oxnard: *crying* I'm sorry!!! Please forgive me!!!  
  
Monkey number 2: No, I was telling Monkey Number 1 to shut up.  
  
Oxnard: Oh. Doesn't he have a name?  
  
Monkey number 2: *whips out a script and looks it over* Nope. Just monkey number 1.  
  
Oxnard: Ok...well for the third time, do you know where the treasure is?  
  
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry.  
  
Oxnard: Can you read those signs over there for me?  
  
Monkey number 2: Nope. Sorry. Can't read.  
  
Oxnard: But you just read the script!  
  
Monkey number 2: I um...well I... uhhhhhhh... gotta go. Bye. *helicopter comes down and Monkey Number 2 gets in and rides off into the sunset*  
  
Oxnard: Great. That leaves me with you.  
  
Monkey number 1: WAWAWA!!! *holds out a banana to Oxnard*  
  
Oxnard: Um...no thanks. Maybe I'll go look somewhere else... *edges away slowly from Monkey Number 1, then makes a run for it, but runs right into a palm tree*  
  
Oxnard: OW!!! Uh heheheh.....meant to do that. *runs away*  
  
Monkey number 1: What was his problem? Oh well. *eats the banana, then looks at the signs while he's chewing* TREASURE BURIED HERE...I wonder what that means...  
  
*Haha. I know. More really stupid humor. Oh well.*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~To the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: And that leaves...Cappy and Panda.  
  
Hamtaro: So where are they?  
  
Boss: Fridge shopping.  
  
Hamtaro: HEKE???  
  
Boss: They're shopping for a refridgerator.  
  
Hamtaro: Why???  
  
Boss: Dunno. I'm not sure how they plan to get it in here, much less be able to move it whatsoever...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Cappy and Panda~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cappy: Hahahaha! I can't believe Boss believed us when we said we were going fridge shopping!  
  
Panda: Yeah, I know! This is so much more fun!  
  
*they're sitting in front of a blank TV screen*  
  
Cappy: Um...this is what humans do for entertainment, right?  
  
Panda: Yeah. I'm pretty sure, at least...  
  
Cappy: Ok. Just checking.  
  
*several hours go by*  
  
Panda: Man, this just keeps getting better!  
  
Cappy: Tell me about it!  
  
*a person comes in and turns on the TV*  
  
Cappy: Oh man!!! They turned it off!!!  
  
Panda: I guess that's over.  
  
Cappy: What else can we do for fun?  
  
Panda: Hmmm...  
  
*they both think about it for a minute, then look at each other*  
  
Cappy: You thinking what I'm thinking?  
  
Panda: Yeah! Fridge shopping!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once again, the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Hamtaro and Boss are playing chess*  
  
Boss: Check.  
  
Hamtaro: Hmmmm... *thinks for ten minutes*  
  
Boss: THERE'S ONLY ONE POSSIBLE MOVE!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Oh! I got it. *picks up a pawn and bashes in into Boss's king* Checkmate.  
  
Boss: Um, Hamtaro? Pawns can't move six places at once. And they can only move diagonal to attack. And it's not checkmate if you just plowed my king off the board.  
  
Hamtaro: It isn't?  
  
Boss: No. It's checkmate when you're in position to kill me the next turn and there's no move I can make to escape it.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh, okay! *whips out a machine gun and points it at Boss's king* Like that?  
  
Boss: No. You can't use machine guns in chess.  
  
Hamtaro: *whips out a pistol* This better?  
  
Boss: No. No weapons whatsoever.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh. Okay.  
  
*Just then the door to the clubhouse opens and everyone comes in*  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, it's the Ham-Hams!!!  
  
Boss: So, how'd everyone's day go?  
  
Howdy: Well, er...we had a little tennis ball mishap, but nothing a little minor brain surgery couldn't fix.  
  
Dexter, with a giant bandage on his forehead: Tjkfayurbjkdallowrfjgafe.  
  
Everyone else: O_O  
  
Boss: Um...are you feeling okay, Dex?  
  
Dexter: Coifgkalahduifrpg.  
  
Boss: Howdy, you wouldn't happen to be the one who actually performed the brain surgery, would you?  
  
Howdy: Um...of course not! I took him to a trained professional......named....Howdy....  
  
Everyone else: -___-  
  
Boss: Okay then...wait a second, where's Maxwell?  
  
Sandy: Huh? He's not here? Oh no, I hope that alien didn't erase his memory again...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Maxwell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: Hm.....maybe this is where I live....*knocks on door, and a really tall fat guy wearing lederhosen comes to the door but he doesn't see Maxwell on account of he's a person and Max is a hamster and therefore a heck of a lot shorter*  
  
Tall fat dude: Bloed Kindern!!! *that means 'Stupid children' in German* *slams the door*  
  
Maxwell: Am I in Germany? That's strange... I thought I lived in Australia...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse once again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: So how'd fishing go, girls?  
  
Bijou: Muy bien! *that means 'Very well' in French* Look vhat ve caught!  
  
*The girls hold up their 'catch'*  
  
Bijou: Hearts, stars and horsehoes! Clovers and blue moons!  
  
Pashmina: Pots of gold and rainbows!  
  
Sandy: And the red balloons!  
  
Penelope: Ookwee. *sigh*  
  
Stan: Well at least you guys did better than me. All those chicks totally ditched me. After trying to peck my eyes out. And you know what? I totally lost my wallet, too.  
  
Oxnard: And I couldn't find the treasure. I guess it would have helped if I had had a map or something. And could read. But the monkeys were really scary.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to Monkey Island~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Monkey number 1, who is wearing a crown and a robe and sitting on a golden throne on top of a pile of gold and jewels and is surrounded by beautiful female monkeys: Man, I'm really glad I found that treasure.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cappy: Well, fridge shopping went well.  
  
Panda: We found this really cool model with an ice dispenser and everything.  
  
Cappy: We had to leave it outside, though. It wouldn't fit through the door.  
  
Panda: But you guys should see it! It's awesome!  
  
Everyone: OKAY!!!! *they all pile outside*  
  
Hamtaro: Where is it? I don't see it.  
  
Cappy: That's weird. We left it here just a minute ago.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash to leprechaun land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lucky the Leprechaun, in an Irish accent: I'm so 'appy I finally found this fridge to keep me milk in! *puts milk in stolen fridge* Try me Lucky Charms! They're magically delicious!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Once more, to the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snoozer: I must find precioussssssssss!  
  
Sandy: What's with him?  
  
Boss: Hamtaro lost his pillow. Fluffy.  
  
Hamtaro: It's not my fault! He threw it at me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Leprechaun Land again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lucky: I'm so 'appy I finally found this pillow to rest me lucky head on!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Laura: We had a pretty good day today, didn't we, Hamtaro?  
  
Hamtaro: Well, let's see...I got a pillow thrown at me...mistook Boss for an evil demon....Dexter is suffering some kind of major brain trauma....we lost Maxwell....Pashmina used a sweaty gym sock for bait in a bowl of cereal....Stan lost his wallet and almost had his eyes pecked out...Oxnard failed to find the treasure and apparently ran into a palm tree....our beautiful new fridge that Panda and Cappy bought got stolen...and Boss beat me at chess. So I'd say...no.  
  
Laura: That's right, we did! And tomorrow will be even better!  
  
Hamtaro: You better hope so, sister.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Genie: MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! THAT IS MY STORY OF TERROR AND VANISHING PILLOWS!!!!!  
  
Cricket: That was stupid. Go back to sleep. *bashes Genie over the head with pot*  
  
Genie: Baby....I got your....number.....8675- 309........fashwooozzzghhhh....*faints*  
  
~  
  
Did you guys think that was funny? Did I manage to make any of you at least maybe smile a little? Yeah, that was just supposed to be a bunch of nonsense, so don't worry if you didn't understand it. Neither do I, and I wrote it. If I get some good reviews I'll write more chapters. Oh yeah, and please don't flame me saying stuff like "This story sux cuz it makes fun of Hamtaro" because I love Hamtaro just as much as anyone else and I wasn't trying to make fun of the show or any particular characters in this fic. Just having a little fun, that's all. Oh, but you can flame me about other stuff if you want. I don't really care. 


	2. Oh boy, a homecoming!

Thank you to all who reviewed chapter 1 of this fic!!! Glad to see that so many people are enjoying it so far!!! Anyhow, here's chapter 2. I dunno if it's as funny as chapter 1. But you can read it anyway, and see what you think. Keep those reviews comin'!  
  
~  
  
Genie: Hello and welcome to the second edition of "The Untold Hamtaro!"  
  
Cricket: I've still got my eye on you.  
  
Genie: Hey, I wrote you into this fic, and I can take you out too!!! So shut up!!!  
  
Cricket: *shuts up*  
  
Genie: That's more like it. Now on to the story. On this lovely morning Hamtaro was once again on his way to the clubhouse...  
  
Cricket: Oh that sure is a creative start.  
  
Genie: I said shut up!!! *smashes cricket with a pot*  
  
Cricket: Oohhhhoooowwwwwwwwww  
  
Genie: Finally, vengeance is mine! Mwahahahahaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! A-hem. Sorry. So as I was saying...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
  
Hamtaro: I'm just a-walkin' along - Hey! What's everyone doing standing around outside???  
  
Boss: Snoozer's still looking for Fluffy. And he'll viciously attack anyone who comes near him. So it's safer out here.  
  
Hamtaro: Haha. You're joking, right? Snoozer isn't vicious...*starts walking into clubhouse*  
  
Boss: Well don't say I didn't warn you.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inside clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snoozer: My preciousssssssss...it issssss misssssssing...  
  
Hamtaro: Ham-ha Snoozer!  
  
Snoozer: YOU! YOU STOLE MY PRECIOUSSSSSESSSS!!!!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Actually I -  
  
Snoozer: GIVE ME MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS!!!!! *lunges at Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: AUGH!!!! *runs back outside, slamming the door behind him*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back outside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK IN THERE!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!!!!  
  
Boss: I tried to tell you...  
  
Bijou: Vell since ve can't go in there for now, vhat else can ve do for fun?  
  
Cappy&Panda: FRIDGE SHOPPING!!!!! *run off*  
  
*ten seconds pass and then they come running back*  
  
Cappy: Um, which way is it to Sears?  
  
Boss: That way. *points*  
  
Panda: Thanks.  
  
*Cappy and Panda race off again*  
  
Howdy: Hey I know! How bout another game of tennis???  
  
Dexter, still with huge bandage on forehead but now miraculously cured of brain trauma: Howdy, I would rather be handcuffed to a rampaging bison, fall off a 100-story building, get hit by a cement truck and get struck by lighting 20 times in a row, all at the same time, than ever play tennis with you again.  
  
*suddenly Dexter disappears, then reappears on top of a 100-story building above a street filled with speeding cement trucks handcuffed to a rampaging bison in the middle of a thunderstorm*  
  
Dexter: Hey wait! I was exaggerating!!! I didn't mean that!!!  
  
*once again he disappears and then reappears back outside the clubhouse*  
  
Howdy: What just happened?  
  
Dexter: I dunno. Wanna play tennis?  
  
Howdy: Seriously?  
  
Dexter: Yeah, but this time let's play teams, and I'll be on your team to make sure you don't hit me with the ball again.  
  
Howdy: Okay, but that means we need another team.  
  
Sandy: Hey, like, me and Stan will play you guys! Won't we Stan?  
  
Stan: Hold on, hold on. Does that mean this time I'm gonna get hit by the tennis ball of Howdy's wrath?  
  
Sandy: Probably.  
  
Stan: Alright!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the tennis court~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sandy: Ok, like, you guys can serve first since me and Stan are gonna totally pummel you anyway.  
  
Howdy: Okey dokey. Here goes nothing. *serves the tennis ball and it goes flying directly into the back of Dexter's head*  
  
Dexter: OW!!!!! HEY!!!!!  
  
Howdy: Oops.  
  
Dexter: How the heck did you manage that?????  
  
Howdy: Well at least you didn't pass out that time.  
  
Dexter: Gimme the ball. I'm gonna serve.  
  
Howdy: Okay then. Whatever.  
  
*Dexter serves the ball*  
  
Stan: I got it!!! *hits it back over the net*  
  
Howdy: Mine! *hits the ball, but somehow it manages to go backwards off his racket and straight into Dexter's forehead*  
  
Dexter: HOLY............OOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!! *falls over backwards*  
  
Howdy: Maybe it's this racket....I swear there's something wrong with it....  
  
Stan: Lemme see that. *walks to the other side of the court and takes Howdy's racket, then swings it a few times to test it* Seems ok to me.  
  
Sandy: Hold on. *takes the racket from Stan* Look here. *points to some microscopic writing on the handle* What does that say?  
  
Howdy: Lemme see. *takes the racket back* Hmmm.....THIS......RACKET......HAS BEEN.......CURSED......BY.....THE EVIL......POWERS......OF......OF.....OF....  
  
Stan&Sandy: Of what???  
  
Howdy: OF......OF.....Spat.  
  
Stan&Sandy: SPAT???  
  
Howdy: Spat.  
  
Spat, apparently appearing out of nowhere: Pppffffpppthhh!!! So! You're the one who stole my tennis racket, pppfffpppttthhh!!!  
  
Howdy: Actually, I got it on clearance at Target.  
  
Spat: Really? That's weird. I could've sworn that's my racket, pfpth.  
  
Panda&Cappy, also appearing out of nowhere with a brand new fridge: HEY GUYS!!! LOOK AT THIS PIECE OF WORK!!!!  
  
Howdy&Sandy&Stan&Spat (Dexter is still lying on the ground with those swirly things for eyes): Huh???  
  
Panda: Is this not the greatest fridge you have ever seen???  
  
Cappy: It's the big sale day at Sears!! It was 50% off!!!  
  
Stan: Dude.  
  
Sandy: Totally.  
  
Howdy: Odely.  
  
Spat: Pfpth?  
  
Panda: And watch this. *presses a button and it starts dispensing ice*  
  
Cappy: Whaddaya think? Huh? Huh?  
  
Stan: Dude.  
  
Sandy: Totally.  
  
Howdy: Odely.  
  
Spat: Pfpth.  
  
*suddenly the ice dispenser starts going insane and spewing ice right at Spat*  
  
Spat: PPPPFFFPPTHHH!!! CURSED REFDRIDGERATOR!!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS, PPFFPPTHH! *tries to fly away but his weak little wings are having a bit of trouble, and he falls on his face about ten times before finally giving up and running off on foot*  
  
Spat, from way in the distance: YOU SHALL PAY!!!! REMEMBER THAT, PFPTH!!!!!! *gets hit by a random falling stick* Ow. Pftph.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oxnard: Tic-tac-toe! Three in a row!  
  
Boss: Are you okay, Oxnard? You're not even playing tic-tac-toe.  
  
Oxnard: I'm not? Oh, that's right, I'm not. I was gonna play with Hamtaro, but he mysteriously disappeared.  
  
Boss: He what?  
  
Oxnard: He mysteriously disappeared.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere on Monkey Island~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: That's funny. How'd I get here? Maybe I fell through a hole in the space-time continuum...  
  
Monkey Number 1 who is now Monkey King: AGH!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON MY SACRED ISLAND, FILTHY LOWLIFE???  
  
Hamtaro: What did you call me?  
  
Monkey king: FILTHY LOWLIFE!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Heke?  
  
Monkey king: FILTHY LOWLIFE!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: What was that?  
  
Monkey king: FILTHY - oh I give up. Now get off the island or I'm calling the monkey cops.  
  
Hamtaro: Monkey cops?  
  
Monkey king: You better believe it.  
  
*suddenly a bunch of random monkeys in police outfits drop out of the sky*  
  
Monkey cop 1: MONKEY  
  
Monkey cop 2: COPS!  
  
Monkey cop 3: MONKEY COPS!!!!  
  
Monkey cop 4: Time for the monkey cop theme song!  
  
Monkey cop 1: We are the cops who are also monkeys  
  
Monkey cop 2: Don't laugh cuz it's not really that funny  
  
Monkey cop 3: Monkeys doesn't rhyme with funny  
  
Monkey cop 4: But that's ok because...Christmas bunny  
  
*Now they break out into some crazy stupid dance number, and Hamtaro takes this oppurtunity to escape unharmed*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pashmina: I'm bored. How about you, Penelope?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: What do you wanna do?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookwee ookyoo yoo yoo!!  
  
Pashmina: Hey, 20 questions! Good idea! You go first.  
  
Penelope: Ookwee! *thinks for a minute* Ookyoo ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: Animal, is it? Okay. Is it duck-shaped?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: No? Ok...does it smell like noxious gas?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: Hmm....does it have feet?  
  
Penelope: Ookwee!  
  
Pashmina: It does? Okay...I think it's a flame-toed tree crab.  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: What do you mean that's not a real animal?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookwee ookyoo!  
  
Pashmina: My questions are not dumb!  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo ookwee ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: THAT'S THE LAST STRAW, LITTLE MISS SMART MOUTH!!! I'M NOT PLAYING WITH YOU ANYMORE!!!  
  
Penelope: *crosses her arms* OOKyoo.  
  
Pashmina: WELL!! FINE!!!  
  
Penelope: ..........Ookwee ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: That's it? The answer was a hamster? And you say my questions are dumb. Ha. Hamster. That's the most creative animal you could come up with?  
  
Penelope: OOKWEE!!!  
  
Pashmina: What do you mean, you were trying to go easy on me because I always lose? That's not true!  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo.  
  
Pashmina: Okay, so maybe there aren't many animals that smell like noxious gas! At least my questions are creative!  
  
Penelope: OOKYOO.  
  
Pashmina: Humpf.  
  
*Momentary angry silence*  
  
Pashmina: Hey Penelope. Wanna play chess?  
  
Penelope: Ookwee!  
  
Pashmina: But go easy on me, okay?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Brazil~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: Now where am I? I wish I knew how to get home...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back inside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snoozer: Preciousssss....my precioussssss....mussssst find precioussssss...  
  
*suddenly he falls through a hole in the space-time continuum*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lucky: Oh no, I've run out of me Lucky Charms!  
  
*suddenly Snoozer falls out of the sky and lands outside Lucky's house*  
  
Snoozer: What issss thisssss? Where am I? Issss preciousssss here? *goes inside Lucky's house*  
  
Lucky: Well hello little hamster! 'Ave you come for a box of me Lucky Charms? I'm afraid I 'ave none at the moment!  
  
*Snoozer sees Fluffy lying in the corner of Lucky's house*  
  
Snoozer: MY PRECIOUSSSSSSS!!!! *runs over to Fluffy and cradles it in his arms* YOU!!! YOU STOLE PRECIOUSSSSS, UGLY BEARDED LITTLE MAN!!!!!  
  
*Lucky screams like a girl*  
  
Snoozer: NOW YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!!! *throws Fluffy at Lucky*  
  
Lucky: ACH!!!! *faints*  
  
*Snoozer goes back to being his normal self*  
  
Snoozer: Now that I have my pillow back I can finally go back to sleep. *falls asleep and is somehow magically transported back to the clubhouse*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Alaska~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: This doesn't look familiar.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: I don't hear any banging, crashing and/or destruction inside anymore. Think it's safe to go in?  
  
Bijou: I do not know. Think we should wait for the others to get back from their tennis game and fridge shopping?  
  
Boss: Eh. Nah.  
  
Bijou: You go first to make sure it is safe. In the meantime, I think I vill randomly break out in song.  
  
Boss: Okay. *goes to check out the situation inside the clubhouse*  
  
Bijou: Here it comes.....EVERY NIGHT IN MY DREAMS, I SEE YOU, I FEEEEEL YOOUUUU...* madly off-key* THAT IS HOW I KNOW YOU GO ON....  
  
Oxnard: OH THE HORROR!  
  
Penelope: OOKWEE!!!  
  
Pashmina: THAT MEANS SHUT UP!!!  
  
Bijou: NEAR, FAR, WHEREEEEEEEEVER YOU ARE...  
  
Spat: CUT IT OUT, PPPFFFFPPPTTHHH!!!  
  
Bijou: Where'd you come from?  
  
Spat: Circuit city. They have some awesome deals on DVD players, ppfffptth.  
  
Bijou: Vell go away.  
  
Spat: Okay. *vanishes into thin air, because I'm too lazy to write that he tried to fly away again and kept falling and finally had to give up and run - hey! I just wrote it all out anyway!! I'm so stupid sometimes!*  
  
*a moment of silence passes*  
  
Bijou: THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC.....  
  
Oxnard: NO!!! NOT MORE!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!! *runs away*  
  
Pashmina: I'M SORRY PENELOPE!!! *tries to cover Penelope's ears*  
  
Penelope: *starts crying in anguish*  
  
Howdy: Hey, we finished our game and - HOLY MOTHER OF MARY!!!! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT AWFUL NOISE?????  
  
Pashmina: RUN, HOWDY!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!  
  
Bijou: *finally shuts up* I think I am finished randomly breaking out into song.  
  
Pashmina: Phew.  
  
Penelope: Ookwee.  
  
Howdy: You better be.  
  
Stan: Dude, Bij, that was like such music to my ears. You can sing for me whenever you want, babe.  
  
Sandy: STAN!!!! STOP IT!!!!  
  
Stan: Yes ma'am.  
  
Dexter, with an even bigger bandange on his head than before but still not sustaining any mental trauma: Where are Cappy and Panda? Weren't they with us just a second ago?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Cappy and Panda fall out of the sky outside Lucky's house*  
  
Cappy: Hey! Where are we?  
  
Panda: Not sure. Let's investigate that house over there.  
  
Cappy: OKAY!  
  
*they go inside and see Lucky passed out on the floor from being attacked by Fluffy*  
  
Panda: Uh-oh. A crime scene.  
  
Cappy: Better get some pictures. *whips out a camera and takes some pictures of Lucky passed out on the floor*  
  
Panda: HEY!!!  
  
Cappy: WHAT???  
  
Panda: ISN'T THAT OUR FRIDGE???  
  
Cappy: BY HEAVENS IT IS!!!  
  
*Panda and Cappy run over to the stolen fridge and start hugging it*  
  
Panda: We missed you, fridge!  
  
Cappy: Never leave us again!  
  
Panda: Hey, what about the new fridge?  
  
Cappy: They can get married!  
  
Panda: Hey, great idea! They'd make a good couple, wouldn't they?  
  
Cappy: Yeah!  
  
*momentary silence*  
  
Panda: How are we gonna get this home?  
  
Cappy: Easy. This weirdo stole it, so he can bring it back for us.  
  
Panda: If he ever wakes up.  
  
Cappy: Yeah.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Outside the clubhouse again~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: It's safe. Snoozer apparently found Fluffy and he is now fast - HOLY COW DEXTER WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD???  
  
Dexter: Please don't ask.  
  
Howdy: Cursed tennis racket.  
  
Boss: Who won the game?  
  
Sandy: Me and Stan.  
  
Howdy: But that's cuz it was one vs. two most of the time, since Dexter was unconscious for most of the game...  
  
Dexter: Shut up Howdy.  
  
Howdy: Okay.  
  
Pashmina: Shall we go in now?  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo.  
  
Cappy&Panda: WAIT!!!! *come running up, with Lucky the Leprechaun following them on his hands and knees with the fridge loaded on his back like a pack mule*  
  
Lucky: Hee-haw.  
  
Cappy: Look! We recovered the stolen fridge!  
  
Everyone: HURRAY!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Maxwell randomly falls out of the sky*  
  
Maxwell: Ow. Hey, a leprechaun house!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Panda: Okay, put the fridge over there, strange little bearded man.  
  
Lucky: Hee-haw.  
  
Snoozer: HEY!!! THAT IS THIEF!!!!!  
  
Cappy: Yeah, we know. He stole our refridgerator.  
  
Snoozer: ALSO FLUFFY THIEF!!!!!  
  
Panda: Really?  
  
Everyone: *glares suspiciously at Lucky*  
  
Lucky: Oh, me. It's getting late. Time to go back to Leprechaun Land! *vanishes into thin air*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Lucky falls out of the sky*  
  
Lucky: Thank goodness I'm home. *sees Maxwell* Oh no! More hamsters!  
  
Maxwell: Hello leprechaun. Do I live here?  
  
Lucky: No! No hamsters here!  
  
Maxwell: Do you know where I live?  
  
Lucky: Probably with those other crazy hamsters!  
  
Maxwell: Really? Can you tell me how to get there?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Maxwell throws the door open*  
  
Maxwell: Do I live here?  
  
Everyone else: MAXWELL!!!!!  
  
Maxwell: Do I live here?  
  
Everyone else: WELCOME BACK!!!!!  
  
Sandy: Here, let me get your suitcases! *takes some suitcases that Maxwell randomly has, with stickers from places all over the world on them saying stuff like 'North Korea or bust' and 'Greetings from Czechoslovakia'*  
  
Maxwell: Do I know you?  
  
Sandy: IT'S ME, SANDY!!! REMEMBER???  
  
Maxwell: Sandy...Sandy...  
  
*somewhere in the back of Maxwell's brain, a tiny lightbulb turns on*  
  
Maxwell: Of course...it's all coming back to me now...  
  
Bijou: I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE.....I CAN SEE ALL THE OBSTACLES IN MY WAY...  
  
Everyone else: SHUT UP!!!!  
  
Snoozer: *throws pillow at her* Take that.  
  
*Oxnard comes bursting into the clubhouse*  
  
Oxnard: Oh why? Why was I left out of most of this?  
  
Genie: Woops. Sorry, Oxy! I completely forgot about you!  
  
Oxnard: Oh that's heartening.  
  
Snoozer: *throws pillow at Genie* Take that.  
  
Genie: Man, I forgot about Hamtaro too. He's still on Monkey Island, I think.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere on Monkey Island~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: Oh sigh...It seems I'm stuck here... *falls through a hole in the space-time continuum (I like that word, don't I?)*  
  
*meanwhile, the monkey cops are still dancing and singing*  
  
Monkey cop 1, with top hat and cane: I like to fight crime and I like to climb trees  
  
Monkey cop 2, also with top hat and cane: I like to say "Bless you" when somebody sneeze  
  
Monkey cop 3, also also with top hat and cane: I really like squash and I don't much like cheese  
  
Monkey cop 4, also also also with top hat and cane: Don't come near me cuz I gots fleas  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Hamtaro falls through the hole in the space-time continuum right into the clubhouse*  
  
Hamtaro: Uh, hi everyone.  
  
Everyone: HI HAMTARO!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, Maxwell and Fluffy and the stolen refridgerator came home! We should have a family reunion!  
  
Everyone: YEAH!!!  
  
~  
  
A-hee-hee-hee - next chapter, you will find out what kinds of pointless things will happen at the family reunion! In celebration of Maxwell's and Fluffy's and Fridgie's return! Yes! And also - a wedding!!! That's right, someone's getting married!!! Find out who in the next chapter of THE UNTOLD HAMTARO!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! 


	3. Two weddings and a funeral

Mwahahaha, I am back!!! Even though I only got one review for chapter 2 (thank-Q so much Numbuh 7!), I'm still doing this fic cuz I'm having a lot of fun writing it, and a bunch of stuff is happening that I never imagined happening when I first started writing it. So anyhow - here's chapter three. Grab a nice mocha latte, sit back, and enjoy.  
  
(I don't own Home Depot, okay?)  
  
~  
  
Genie: Heheh, now that that cricket's gone I can get this story started without any interruptions.  
  
Cricket: THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!  
  
Genie: Where did you come from??!! I smashed you with a pan!!!  
  
Cricket: Cartoon characters don't die.  
  
Genie: Yeah they can. Besides, this isn't a cartoon. It's a fanfic. Be gone. Go annoy someone else.  
  
Cricket: Okay. I'm off to Iraq, everyone!  
  
Genie: Iraq? o.O  
  
Cricket: Yeah. Maybe I can annoy that Saddam guy.  
  
Genie: Sounds good.  
  
Cricket: Bye.  
  
Genie: See ya.  
  
Cricket: *catches the next flight to Iraq*  
  
Genie: A-hem. So anyhow, when we left off, the Ham-Hams were planning a family reunion or something of that sort...oh yeah, and I told you there was gonna be a marriage. Actually, there's going to be two, at the request of my friend Numbuh 7, who also happens to be the only person who reviewed the last chapter. SO LET'S GIVE A SHOUT OUT!!!  
  
*SHOUT OUT TO NUMBUH 7 TIME, FEATURING THE FAMOUS DANCING MONKEY COPS!!!*  
  
*A helicopter comes flying in, and the monkey cops parachute out of it, wearing tuxedos and top hats*  
  
Monkey cop 1: *singing* Hello Numbuh 7, this shout-out's for you!  
  
Monkey cop 2: And all of the really cool things that you do!  
  
Monkey cop 3: We wish to thank you for your great review  
  
Monkey cop 4: And being an awesomely super friend too!  
  
*They bow and board the helicopter, which flies off into the sunset*  
  
Genie: That was REALLY cheesy. Oh well, thanks again Numbuh 7, and now on with the fic!  
  
~  
  
*Everyone is happy and joyous and glad and having good tidings at the clubhouse, where the Hams have recently been reunited with Maxwell (whose memory was erased by an alien, and consequently he had a lot of trouble finding his way home from where he was finding the cure for cancer), Fluffy (Snoozer's pillow, aka his precioussssss, which was stolen by Lucky the leprechaun), and the fridge (which was also stolen by Lucky)*  
  
Boss: OKAY YOU GUYS, THINK WE SHOULD DECORATE THE CLUBHOUSE FOR THIS REUNION THINGY?  
  
Cappy: No, wait!!! The fridges have to get married!!! They can't get married in this crummy hole! *has become extremely obsessed with the refridgerators that he and Panda bought*  
  
Panda: Yeah, we hafta do this in a church!  
  
Boss: A FAMILY REUNION IN A CHURCH?  
  
Cappy: Well yeah, if there's gonna be a wedding!  
  
Panda: Duh.  
  
Hamtaro: Boss, why are you speaking in all caps?  
  
Boss: CUZ IT ANNOYS THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE.  
  
Hamtaro: That's a good reason.  
  
*At that very moment, Sabu randomly pops through the door*  
  
Sabu: Hey, guys! In case this has anything to do with your current lives in any way whatsoever, there's an empty church a couple blocks from here, and the door is open even though it should be locked! *pops back out*  
  
*Momentary confused silence*  
  
Everyone: HURRAY!!!  
  
*Thus, they exit and go a couple blocks down the road in search of the church so the fridges can get married. Unfortunately, Sabu failed to mention which direction the church was in, and they went the wrong way and ended up at the Home Depot*  
  
Cappy: This doesn't look like a church.  
  
Panda: Oh well. It's good enough. Hey wait, we forgot to bring the fridges!  
  
Boss: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT THE FRIDGES? NOW WHAT DO WE DO?  
  
Hamtaro: Boss, would you please stop doing that?  
  
Boss: OKAY, FINE. This better?  
  
Hamtaro: Thanks.  
  
*Just then Herbert drives up in a convertible, wearing a Batman costume, with the two fridges sitting in the back*  
  
Herbert: Oinky?  
  
Cappy: Thanks Herbert!  
  
Herbert: Oinky! *tosses the fridges out of the car and zooms away*  
  
Cappy: Now we can have that wedding.  
  
Boss: At Home Depot?  
  
Panda: Sure, why not?  
  
Cappy: We need a minister.  
  
Boss: How about that mailman hamster guy who randomly appeared in the Hamtaro birthday episode?  
  
Panda: Where are you gonna find him?  
  
*Just then, a scream is heard, far off at first but continuously getting louder; suddenly the mailman hamster guy falls on the ground beside them*  
  
Boss: Now THAT is what I call good timing.  
  
Mail-man hamster: Man, you really hafta be careful in this fanfic. There's a lot of holes.  
  
Cappy: Wanna be a minister?  
  
Mail-man hamster: OK!!!  
  
~  
  
*Inside Home Depot*  
  
Mail-ham: Do you, Fridgie, take Fridgette to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?  
  
Fridgie: ...  
  
Cappy: He said I do.  
  
Mail-ham: And do you, Fridgette, take Fridgie to be your lawfully wedded husband, and so on?  
  
Fridgette: ...  
  
Panda: She said yeah. I mean, I do.  
  
Mail-ham: Do you have the ring?  
  
*Panda and Cappy look at each other*  
  
Cappy: I didn't know we needed a ring.  
  
Mail-ham: Of course you need rings. The husband and wife have to exchange wedding rings before they can be "lawfully wedded" and all.  
  
Panda: And you expect a couple of fridges to be able to wear rings.  
  
Mail-ham: Well you can't have a wedding without the rings.  
  
Cappy: Will this do? *pulls a cantaloupe out of nowhere*  
  
Cantaloupe: Yo, wassup my homies?  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Mail-ham: That's a ghetto cantaloupe.  
  
Cantaloupe: I am in da hood, yo yo yo. Foshnizzle and all that jank.  
  
Mail-ham: I don't think this is gonna work.  
  
Panda: Quick!!! Put the cantaloupe in here!! *whips out a bowling ball bag*  
  
Cappy: Okies. *shoves it in*  
  
Cantaloupe: Yo, what it is?  
  
Panda: It didn't work!! He still won't shut up!!!  
  
Cappy: In here!!! *opens the door of one of the fridges*  
  
Panda: Okay. *puts the cantaloupe in the bowling bag in the fridge*  
  
*Silence*  
  
Cappy: Now what?  
  
Mail-ham: I guess since they are fridges...and fridges don't have fingers to wear rings on...we can make an exception and go on without rings.  
  
Cappy&Panda: YAY!!!  
  
Mail-ham: I now pronounce you man and wife.  
  
*Cappy and Panda give each other really weird looks*  
  
Mail-ham: THE FRIDGES, NOT YOU TWO!!!  
  
Cappy: Oh, okay.  
  
Panda: Thank goodness.  
  
Mail-ham: You may now kiss the bride.  
  
*Silence*  
  
Cappy: Fridgie, kiss her!  
  
*Silence*  
  
*Cappy and Panda look at each other, then, trying to act as casually as possible, push the two fridges towards each other*  
  
Cappy: Yay! They kissed!  
  
Everyone: HURRAH!!!  
  
Panda: Now we have to throw rice at them.  
  
Cappy: Huh? We do?  
  
Panda: I think so. At least that's what humans do.  
  
Cappy: People are weird.  
  
Panda: Yeah, I know.  
  
Cappy: Will rocks work?  
  
Panda: Rocks? Won't that hurt?  
  
Cappy: Nah. Besides, I have this random bag of rocks right here. *pulls a bag of rocks out of nowhere*  
  
Panda: Oh. Okay, then.  
  
*Cappy distributes rocks and everyone starts hurling them at the fridges*  
  
Mail-ham: HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THOSE R- *gets beaned in the head with a rock* OKAY! WHO THREW THAT???  
  
*Everyone looks at Penelope*  
  
Penelope: Ook...wee? *runs away*  
  
Mail-ham: THAT'S IT! I DON'T CARE HOW YOUNG YOU ARE, YOU'RE PAYING FOR THAT!!! *runs after her*  
  
*Stunned silence*  
  
Dexter: Uh, aren't you going to go rescue Penelope, Pashmina?  
  
Pashmina: Why don't you?  
  
Dexter: YES MA'AM!!! *runs after Mail-ham*  
  
Pashmina: I love this life.  
  
*So now everyone was just kinda sitting there in Home Depot, during a very awkward silence, in which Penelope was being chased around outside by the Mail-ham and Dexter was valiantly trying to rescue her, for the sake of Pashmina. The two fridges, having just been wedded, were still sitting there next to each other and since no one had moved them, they were still "kissing" if that is possible of household appliances, even though they now had several dents due to rocks being thrown at them.*  
  
*Then Sandy decided to break the silence*  
  
Sandy: Hey Max!!! Wanna get married???  
  
Maxwell: Huh? I uh umm I mean I uh...*his entire face turns red*  
  
Sandy: Oh wait. I forgot that the Mail-ham left. Now we don't have a minister.  
  
Jingle: I'll be the minister.  
  
Everyone: WHERE THE HECK DID YOU COME FROM???  
  
Jingle: I was looking all over for my pig high and low, and followed his scent wherever it'd go. I soon found he'd stolen my brand new car, and also he'd driven it really too far. I followed the scent all the way to this store, and that's when I started to get kinda bored. So I came inside, and see what I found! All of my friends here are gathered around. Now I hear it's a priest that you seek, so I'll fill the duty, and you can hand me a check.  
  
Boss: Check doesn't rhyme with seek.  
  
Jingle: Shut up before I smash my guitar on you. Do you want me to be your minister or not?  
  
Sandy: YES PLEASE!!!  
  
Maxwell: But I uhh I don't know if I'm ready to uh...  
  
Sandy: Come on, let's get the others. PENELOPE, DEXTER, MAIL-DUDE, GET YOUR TAILS IN HERE, ME AND MAX ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!  
  
*Outside, Penelope, Dexter and Mail-ham froze in their tracks*  
  
Sandy: I SAID GET IN HERE!!!  
  
*They obey*  
  
Mail-ham: You need me to be your minister again?  
  
Sandy: Nah, we found Jingle. He's much better. More poetic.  
  
Mail-ham: -_-  
  
Sandy: Okay Jingle. Do your stuff.  
  
*Jingle starts strumming his guitar*  
  
Jingle: Today is a day that is filled with great joy: we witness the union of one girl and one boy. Together from now till the end of their days, they'll stand by each other in all kinds of ways. Love is what brings us together today, and listen my friends to what I have to say. These two found each other by way of their hearts, and after today never again shall they part. For they will become one, in soul, body and mind; together they'll seek and together they'll find. A man to his wife should always be true, and her for him the same always should do. May laughter fill every day of your lives...  
  
*a few hours later*  
  
Jingle: I have spoken long, but the best part comes now: when lovers exchange their wedding vows.  
  
*everyone is asleep except Sandy and Maxwell; Sandy's eyes are all big and dreamy and Maxwell would have been asleep except for the fact that whenever he started dozing off Sandy would poke him in the side*  
  
Jingle: Do you, Maxwell, for the rest of your life, take this here Sandy as your wife?  
  
Maxwell: *yawn*  
  
Sandy: *poke*  
  
Maxwell: Hrrmmm??? Ahh uhhh I do. *starts blushing*  
  
Jingle: And do you, Sandy, in each possible way, take Maxwell as your husband for the rest of your days?  
  
Sandy: I do!!!  
  
Jingle: The rings?  
  
*Silence*  
  
Sandy: Carp.  
  
Maxwell: Carp?  
  
Sandy: I mean, crap.  
  
Jingle: Well I guess you'll have to go get some rings or something and then come back and I'll do this thing all over again.  
  
*Suddenly everyone else wakes up*  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Sandy: How bout if we just...skip the rings for now?  
  
Maxwell: Wait, Sandy. I have a ring.  
  
Sandy: ???  
  
Maxwell: Well, it's an engagement ring, actually...I was gonna propose to you one of these days...and then suddeny today you just kinda decided to get married. So I never gave it to you. And I know it's not a wedding ring, so we still can't be officially married, but...it's a start.  
  
*Maxwell gets down on one knee and holds up a ring*  
  
Maxwell: Sandy, will you marry me?  
  
Sandy: *speechless*  
  
Maxwell: uuuuuhhhh  
  
Sandy: YES!!! *hugs him*  
  
Everyone else, suddenly waking up: Awwwwwww!!!!!  
  
Jingle: I now pronounce you man and wife, with each other to abide; and as your union has been made, you now may kiss the bride.  
  
Maxwell: But we didn't actually - that was just the -  
  
Jingle: Oh shut up. You love each other and are now destined for marriage so why don't we just get it over with now, with or without wedding rings?  
  
Sandy: I got no problem with that!!! *pulls Maxwell towards her and kisses him*  
  
Maxwell: *blushing speechlessly*  
  
Everyone else: Awwwwww!!!!!  
  
*Sabu randomly pops in the door*  
  
Sabu: Hey, there's a carnival down the street!!! *pops back out*  
  
Everyone but Sandy and Maxwell: YAY!!! *run out the door*  
  
Sandy: Hey Max, it's just you and me here now.  
  
Maxwell: *still speechless*  
  
Sandy: I love you Maxy!!!  
  
Maxwell: I uh I uhhh I love you too.  
  
Sandy: ^__^  
  
~  
  
*Unfortunately, once again Sabu forgot to say which way the carnival was, and they all ended up in a sewer, except for Maxwell and Sandy (who were still at Home Depot) and the two fridges*  
  
~  
  
*At the carnival, the fridges are enjoying a nice ride on the ferris wheel*  
  
*Just then Herbert drives up in Jingle's car*  
  
Herbert: I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batma- OINKY!!! THERE ARE FRIDGES ON THAT RIDE!!!  
  
*As soon as the ride ends and the fridges get off, Herbert raids them for food; however, all he discovers is the bowling ball bag*  
  
Herbert: Oinky? Who in their right mind would put a bowling ball in a fridge?  
  
Bowling ball bag (with cantaloupe inside): 'Sup dawg?  
  
Herbert: Oinky? Who said that? Oh well. Guess I'll go bowling.  
  
~  
  
*Later that day, the fridges and the Ham-Hams return to the clubhouse*  
  
Cappy: I wonder how that cantaloupe is faring. *opens the fridge but discovers the cantaloupe is missing* GASP!  
  
Panda: What???  
  
Cappy: Gone!!! He's gone!!!  
  
Panda: NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Cappy: Wait. This is good.  
  
Panda: Why???  
  
Cappy: FUNERAL TIME!!!!  
  
~  
  
*In the woods near the clubhouse, all the Ham-Hams are gathered around a small stone*  
  
Cappy: *sniff* Since we couldn't find the body, we put this gravestone here to mark the memory of a fine and ghetto friend.  
  
Panda: *wipes a tear from his eye* He was a good melon.  
  
Boss: Actually he was pretty darn annoying.  
  
Everyone else: Yeah.  
  
Cappy: Well, would anyone like to say a few words?  
  
Howdy: YEAH!!! I WILL!!!!  
  
Panda: Go ahead.  
  
Howdy: Pitchforks, asparagus, salami, bookmarks, crumb cake, pizza, electric toothbrush.  
  
Dexter: You have some real issues.  
  
Howdy: I know.  
  
*They all leave, and a moment later Jingle comes strolling by, searching for his car and Herbert*  
  
Jingle: I have wandered far and wide, and still have not found what I came to find. Those hamsters never gave me a check, and I'm beginning to fear that my car is now a wreck. Cuz you can't trust a pig to drive a small car, and - hey, what's this? *inspects the tombstone* It says: "THIS MARKS THE PLACE WHERE WE BURIED OUR MEMORIES OF OUR DEAR FRIEND, GHETTO MELON. HE LIVED A LONG AND MEANINGFUL LIFE, BUT DISAPPEARED SOON AFTER BEING PUT IN A BOWLING BALL BAG IN A FRIDGE. BORN: 2003. DIED: 2003."  
  
*Jingle scratches his head*  
  
Jingle: Oh well. I'll never understand those weirdos.  
  
~  
  
Yeah, I know, that wasn't really a family reunion. It was more like - well, what the title of this chapter says. Anyhow, hope you liked it and please review!!! And also, the ghetto melon thing - that idea came from Numbuh 7, so if that made you laugh, thank her, not me!!! 


	4. I'm a star in my own fanfic

Hello hello hello! I must say, I was very pleasantly surprised by the number of awesome reviews I got on chapter 3 - thank you so much to all who reviewed! Ah, my adoring public. *sniff* I love you guys. No, seriously. You guys are the best.  
  
Man, I am like walking on sunshine right now.see, this guy I have the biggest crush on (CHUCK!) went to homecoming with me on Saturday, and we danced together the whole time, and everyone was saying how beautiful I looked cuz I got this really great hairdo right before homecoming, and now I'm hoping against all hope that maybe he might be falling for me!!! I dunno though.But a girl can dream, right? Okay, I've bored you long enough. On with the fic.  
  
~  
  
Oxnard: I'm hungry. *BUUUUUUUUUUUUURP*  
  
Boss: You just ate two logs, seven pizzas, a pair of scissors, the entire table, an ostrich egg, and a bottle of dishwasher soap.  
  
Oxnard: I did? *a bunch of little soap bubbles float out of his mouth* Well I'm still hungry.  
  
Hamtaro: Speaking of food I'm getting a little peckish myself.  
  
Boss: Then bake something!  
  
Oxnard&Hamtaro: OKAY!!! *they go in the kitchen (does the clubhouse have a kitchen?) to prepare something to eat*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In the kitchen~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: Okay. First things first. We gotta fire this baby up.  
  
Oxnard: You mean the chainsaw you're holding?  
  
Hamtaro: Huh? Where'd that come from? *tosses the chainsaw behind him* No, I meant the oven.  
  
Oxnard: Do we even know what we're gonna bake?  
  
Hamtaro: Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhh....no. Well...how about some lizard tail soup?  
  
Oxnard: Don't make me sick.  
  
Hamtaro: I was just kidding. How about...BAKED HAMSTER??? *grabs Oxnard and pretends he's gonna shove him in the oven*  
  
Oxnard: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I ALWAYS FORESAW MYSELF DYING THIS WAY!!!!! *sobbing*  
  
Hamtaro: Geez, it was just a joke.  
  
Oxnard: Oh. Phew. *starts chuckling embarassedly and puts his paw on the stove*  
  
Hamtaro: Uh...Oxnard?  
  
Oxnard: Yeah?  
  
Hamtaro: I turned on the stove.  
  
Oxnard: What's your point?  
  
*Hamtaro looks at Oxnard, then at the heated stove, then back at Oxnard*  
  
*Oxnard slowly turns his head and sees his paw resting on the hot stove*  
  
*Momentary silence in which Oxnard puts two and two together*  
  
Oxnard: OOOOOOOWWWWWW OOOOOOOHHHHHHH HOT HOT HOT!!!  
  
*Oxnard starts running around like crazy, holding his paw which has turned red*  
  
Oxnard: SOMEONE HELP!!! MY PAW IS BURNING!!! NEED WATER!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Here ya go! *holds out a bucket of liquid*  
  
Oxnard: *sucking on his paw* OOHH!! THANK GOODNESS!!! *puts his paw in the bucket*  
  
Hamtaro: HAHAHA! THAT'S REALLY GASOLINE!!! *lights a match*  
  
Oxnard: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: I was just kidding. *throws the match over his shoulder, while it is still burning*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in the other room~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Is it just me or does it smell like something's burning?  
  
Howdy: They just went in there, how could they have burnt something already?  
  
Dexter: Well I definitely smell smoke.  
  
Boss: I don't. You're probably imagining it.  
  
Dexter: Whatever.  
  
*ten seconds pass and then a huge flame shoots out of the kitchen*  
  
Hamtaro: DANGIT!  
  
Oxnard: @!#$%^&*!  
  
Boss: WHAT THE HEKE HAPPENED???  
  
*Hamtaro and Oxnard run out of the kitchen*  
  
Hamtaro: Oxnard caught the chicken on fire!!!  
  
Oxnard: NO I DIDN'T!!! IT WAS HAMTARO!!! HE LIT THE MATCH!!!!  
  
Boss: Where'd you get a chicken from?  
  
Bijou: HOLY COW HAMTARO YOUR EAR IS ON FIRE!!! LET ME PUT IT OUT WITH MY MOUTH!!! *starts kissing Hamtaro on the mouth*  
  
Hamtaro: BIJOU THAT ISN'T MY EAR!!!  
  
Bijou: Oops. Sorry.  
  
*then a burning chicken runs out of the kitchen*  
  
Chicken: BWAAAAAK!!!  
  
Stan: HOLY COW THAT CHICKEN IS ON FIRE!!!  
  
Hamtaro: I TOLD YOU!!!  
  
Dexter: I KNEW SOMETHING WAS BURNING!!!  
  
Boss: WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING???  
  
Oxnard: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!  
  
*everyone including the chicken shuts up*  
  
Oxnard: That's better.  
  
Boss: What do we do with the chicken?  
  
Hamtaro: We should probably put it out.  
  
Howdy: Good idea. I'll get the door.  
  
Hamtaro: *sweatdrop* I meant put the fire out.  
  
Howdy: What does that got to do with the chicken?  
  
Hamtaro: THE FIRE ON THE CHICKEN!!!  
  
Howdy: There's a fire on the chicken?  
  
*Dexter smashes a pizza box over Howdy's head*  
  
Hamtaro: Thanks.  
  
Dexter: Don't thank me, thank Oxnard. He's the one who ate all the pizzas.  
  
*Oxnard is trying to put out the fire with a hose that appeared out of nowhere*  
  
Hamtaro: Okay, then, thanks Ox- where'd that hose come from?  
  
Oxnard: Panda built it.  
  
Panda: ^_^  
  
Hamtaro: Yeah?  
  
Panda: Yep. Now I'm working on a jet pack, a cloning device, a super computer and an electronic mushroom detector.  
  
Hamtaro: Mushroom detector?  
  
Panda: Yeah, why not?  
  
Hamtaro: I like mushrooms. They taste like mushrooms.  
  
Genie: Ack! I hate mushrooms. They taste bad.  
  
Hamtaro: Where the heck did you come from?  
  
Genie: I'm the author of this fic. That means I can write myself in anywhere I want to. Oh, btw, right now I'm in my hamster form. Which means I'm tan with a dark brown pattern above my eyes similar to that of Maxwell, and I have a few stray strands of fur hanging down in front of my eyes. Plus, I'm wearing my awesome poofy hat that I never take off except to go to bed and school, since we're not allowed to wear hats at school. Such a stupid rule. I hate it.  
  
Hamtaro: SHUT UP!!! YOU'RE BORING YOUR FANS!!!  
  
Genie: SORRY!!! Geez.  
  
Hamtaro: Well as long as you're here, since you wrote this fic...what the heck do we do with this flaming chicken???  
  
Genie: Oh, that? I'll get rid of it for you. *whips out a huge gun and shoots the chicken with it, which dissolves into nothing*  
  
(Man, I've always wanted a huge gun! Now I have one.)  
  
Hamtaro: AHHH!! YOU KILLED IT!!!  
  
Genie: No, I merely sent it back into the realm of fanfiction, where all ideas are born. If I wanted to I could bring it back at any time.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh. Okay.  
  
Genie: Okay. I'm gonna leave you guys in peace now. On with the fic.  
  
Everyone: BYE GENIE!!!  
  
Genie: Ta-ta. *disappears*  
  
*Confused silence*  
  
Boss: That was weird.  
  
Oxnard: I'm not hungry anymore.  
  
Pashmina: Has anyone noticed that I haven't appeared in this chapter yet?  
  
Penelope: OOKWEE!!! (same here!)  
  
Boss: Well you have now. Hmm...who else are we missing?  
  
Cappy: I can't believe everyone forgot me!!!  
  
Boss: Oh yeah. Cappy. Now everyone's here, right?  
  
Hamtaro: Hold on. What about Sandy and Maxwell?  
  
Stan: Dude, like, they're on their honeymoon.  
  
Hamtaro: The moon is made of honey??? And they're on it???  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrop*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Hawaii~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sandy: Like, this was such a good place for a honeymoon, Maxy.  
  
Maxwell: Thanks. I did some research, and I think this is about the best spot in Hawaii. Great view, no?  
  
Sandy: Totally! I just hope you're right that this volcano we're sitting on isn't active.  
  
Maxwell: Don't worry, it hasn't erupted in thousands of years.  
  
Sandy: Good. I love you, Max. You're so smart.  
  
Maxwell: *blushes*  
  
*They schmubby-wubby*  
  
Sandy: Hold on. You hear something?  
  
Maxwell: Hmm?  
  
Sandy: It sounds strangely like a volcano about to erupt. Not that I've ever heard one before.  
  
Maxwell: That's weird. I'm sure it's nothing.  
  
Sandy: Okay then...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Everything is pretty much back to normal, and everyone is going back to doing the usual...*  
  
Bijou: Psst. Hey, Hamtaro.  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: You know when I kissed you earlier?  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: I did that on purpose.  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: Yeah. Instead of kissing your ear. I kissed your mouth. Cuz that's where you generally kiss.  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: So you see what I'm saying?  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah no?  
  
Bijou: THERE WAS LOVE THERE!!! I LOVE YOU HAMTARO!!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: YES!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Mmmmm yeah?  
  
Bijou: I GIVE UP!!!  
  
Hamtaro: *in slow motion* Wwwwwwaaaaaiiiiiittttt Bbbbbbiiiiijjjjjjjoooooouuuuuuu....  
  
Bijou: *also in slow motion* Yyyyyyeeeesssss Hhhhhhaaaammmmttttaaaaarrrrroooooo?  
  
Hamtaro: *still in slow motion* Iiiiiiiii llllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....  
  
Boss: Oooooookkkkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyy, wwwwwwhhhhhhhhhoooooooo ttttttuuuuuuuuurrrrrrnnnnnnnnneeeeedddddd oooooonnnnnnn tttttthhhhhhhheeeeeee sssssllllllooooooowwwww mmmmmmmmooooooootttttttiiiiiiiiiooooooooonnnnnnnnn?  
  
Cappy: *turns off the slow motion* I did, cuz everyone is ignoring me!  
  
Genie: Don't worry Cappy, we still love you.  
  
Cappy: Go away.  
  
Genie: Okay. *vanishes*  
  
Hamtaro: Okay, so as I was saying um.....Bijou I love...I love...I love...  
  
Bijou: *thinking* Here it comes....  
  
Hamtaro: I LOVE MEXICAN HAT DANCES!!! *whips a sombrero out of nowhere, grabs Bijou by the paw and starts doing a Mexican hat dance with her*  
  
Bijou: O....kay.....  
  
Boss: *turns off the Mexican hat dance music*  
  
Hamtaro: Dang.  
  
Bijou: Umm...I should probably be going...  
  
Hamtaro: No wait! Bijou, will you marry me???  
  
Bijou: WHAT!!! REALLY???  
  
Hamtaro: Ummm ahhh yeah. *holds out a ring*  
  
Bijou: *hugs Hamtaro* OF COURSE I WILL!!!  
  
Everyone (including Boss): HURRAY!!!  
  
Bijou: Huh? Why are you so happy Boss?  
  
Boss: HAHAHA!!! CUZ I NEVER REALLY LOVED YOU AT ALL!!!! BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD CRUSH YOU IF I TOLD YOU THAT!!! AND NOW THAT YOU'RE MARRYING HAMTARO IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!  
  
Everyone: Seriously?  
  
Boss: Um...no, actually, I did kinda have a thing for Bijou...but now...I have a new, SECRET crush!  
  
Everyone: WHO???  
  
Boss: If I told ya it wouldn't be a secret now would it? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Genie: Don't worry, the truth will be revealed! (even if not this chapter)  
  
Hamtaro: So when do you wanna get married, Bij?  
  
Bijou: How about NOW???  
  
Hamtaro: OKAY!!!  
  
~This time they successfully find a church to hold their wedding in - now, AT THE CHURCH~~  
  
Bijou: Dang. One problem.  
  
Hamtaro: Heke?  
  
Bijou: We don't have a priest. Neither Jingle nor that mail-ham dude is here.  
  
Hamtaro: Did you just say 'dude'?  
  
Stan: Hahaha. I guess a little of me did rub off on Bijou!  
  
Bijou: Stan, did you know that if you had proposed to me first I would have said yes?  
  
Stan: REALLY???  
  
Bijou: No.  
  
Everyone: HAHAHAHA not. That was lame.  
  
Boss: Hold on a sec. Where's Dexter?  
  
Pashmina: He went to a monastery.  
  
Boss: A mona-whatsy?  
  
Pashmina: It's where you learn to be a monk.  
  
Boss: Dexter's becoming a monk?  
  
Pashmina: Apparently. I have no idea why.  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo!  
  
Bijou: WAIT!!! THIS IS PERFECT!!! DEXTER CAN BE OUR PRIEST!!!  
  
Pashmina: I dunno if monks can just become priets, just like that...  
  
Bijou: Does it really matter? Jingle and mail-ham aren't priests either. A monk is the closest thing we can come up with.  
  
Cappy: Does that mean the fridges weren't officially married???  
  
Stan: And what about Sandy and Maxwell??  
  
Bijou: I don't think it really matters.  
  
*Just then Sandy and Maxwell run by followed by a river of lava*  
  
Everyone: HOLY GOODNESS!!!  
  
Sandy: Hey! It's the hams!  
  
*Sandy, Maxwell, and the river of lava all freeze*  
  
Sandy: Hi guys!  
  
Maxwell: We're being chased by a river of lava.  
  
Sandy: Yeah, cuz Mr. Iamsosmart here thought the volcana was dead, but it really wasn't!  
  
Maxwell: It was supposedly inactive, but these things happen sometimes!  
  
Sandy: Oh yeah, blame it on the media.  
  
Maxwell: Did I say anything about the media?  
  
Sandy: Oh, shut up and keep running.  
  
*Sandy and Maxwell start running again, followed by the lava*  
  
Boss: Ah, the petty arguments of married couples.  
  
Pashmina: They'll get over it.  
  
Panda: Dun dun DUN!!! Panda to the rescue! *whips out a jetpack* I just finished this project. Hope it works. *straps on the jetpack and takes off after Sandy and Maxwell*  
  
*Just then Dexter walks up, wearing a monk robe*  
  
Howdy: Well howdy do, look who's back from monk school.  
  
Everyone: HI DEXTER!  
  
*Dexter says something in sign language*  
  
Boss: What the heck was that?  
  
Howdy: Hold on, I can read sign language. Say again?  
  
*Dexter says something in sign language again*  
  
Howdy: Apparently he took a vow of silence.  
  
Hamtaro: WHAT!!!  
  
Bijou: Well so much for having him as a minister.  
  
*Dexter signs something else*  
  
Howdy: Apparently he was going to get kicked out of the monastery if he didn't.  
  
*Dexter signs again*  
  
Howdy: Yeah, Hamtaro and Bij are getting married and they wanted you to be their minister.  
  
Dexter: ???  
  
Howdy: Maxwell and Sandy? They're being chased by a raging river of lava and Panda is trying to rescue them.  
  
Dexter: !!!  
  
Howdy: I dunno, lemme ask. Hey Hamtaro, Dexter wants to know if he can still be your priest and I can be the interpreter?  
  
Hamtaro: I dun see why not.  
  
Bijou: Shouldn't we wait for the others to get back?  
  
*just then something shoots across the sky way above their heads and you can hear Panda's voice saying 'I wasn't planning on this happening!'*  
  
*then there's an explosion and Panda, Sandy and Maxwell fall out of the sky*  
  
Panda: Ow.  
  
Maxwell: Ouch.  
  
Sandy: Like, ow!  
  
Howdy: You guys ready for this wedding or what?  
  
Maxwell: Wedding?  
  
Bijou: Oui, Hamtaro and I are getting married!  
  
Hamtaro: Dexter's our priest. But he took a vow of silence. So Howdy's our interpreter.  
  
Bijou: Okay, let's get it on!  
  
Hamtaro: You really don't sound like yourself today, Bij.  
  
Bijou: Sorry.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~After all the preparations are made...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: !!!  
  
Howdy: We are gathered here today...  
  
Dexter: !!!  
  
Howdy: To witness the union...  
  
Dexter: !!!  
  
Howdy: Of two -  
  
Hamtaro: THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER!!!  
  
Bijou: Be polite.  
  
Hamtaro: Can we skip to the marriage vows?  
  
Dexter: No, you can't! Oh crap. *covers his mouth*  
  
*Then some random hamster in a habit (I think that's what you call those things monks wear?) appears*  
  
Random hamster: Dexter, you're kicked out of the monastery.  
  
Dexter: Oh well.  
  
Random hamster: That didn't last long, did it?  
  
Dexter: Nope.  
  
Random hamster: Hmm?  
  
Dexter: I mean, no, father...wait, if I'm kicked out of the monstery do I still have to call you 'father'?  
  
Random hamster: Uh, I'm your actual father.  
  
Dexter: WHAT???  
  
Random hamster: Just kidding.  
  
Genie: Okay, this fic is getting off on some really pointless tangent, so could we please get back to the wedding.  
  
Dexter: Right. Sorry.  
  
Genie: And this story is getting a little old, and long, and I'm getting tired of typing, so could we please get to the vows?  
  
Dexter: Fine, whatever.  
  
Howdy: Does this mean I lost my job.  
  
Dexter: Yeah.  
  
Howdy: Dang.  
  
Dexter: Okay, do you, Hamtaro, take Bijou to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, bla bla bla till death do you part?  
  
Hamtaro: I do I do I do!  
  
Dexter: And do you, Bijou, take Hamtaro to be your lawfully wedded husband, to dominate and control, to rule over and -  
  
Hamtaro: HEY!!! THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES!!!  
  
Bijou: I do.  
  
Dexter: The rings?  
  
Hamtaro: Yeah.  
  
*Hamtaro and Bijou put the wedding rings on each others' fingers*  
  
Dexter: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.  
  
*Hamtaro and Bijou kiss*  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Dexter: And now...RICE!!!  
  
*Everyone gets a bunch of rice out of nowhere and throws it all at Hamtaro and Bijou*  
  
Oxnard: ARGH! HUNGRY AGAIN!!! *starts eating the rice off the floor*  
  
Everyone: Eeew.  
  
Oxnard: I don't care! It's better than lizard-tail soup or baked hamster or burnt chicken!!!  
  
*So everyone shrugs and starts eating the rice. I mean, what else are you gonna do with it???*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, that's the end of chapter 4. I know it was kind of a strange ending, but there will be more, I promise! Okay, in this chappie I used ideas from Alyssa8 and Jonathan the Caveham. Thank-Q for the ideas, guys! For all your support, I have decided to turn this into a kind of interactive fic! Anyone who reads this fic can send me ideas to put in it, either via reviews or via email, and I'll try to use all of them in the next chapter! Thanks again for the reviews, and keep 'em coming! 


	5. A seance goes awry

Heh, heh, heh. (that was my subtle-ly evil chuckle.) (never mind.) I'm so happy that this fic is going over so well - at first I was afraid everyone would hate it because it has absolutely no point or plot whatsoever, and now I've realized that people like it because it's stupid. YAY!!! So, here's chapter 5 (I never even thought this fic would end up with this many chapters, but since people seem to be enjoying it so much, I keep writing it!).  
  
Big thank-Q to those who donated (heh - donated) ideas to this chappie - that would be Jonathan the Caveham (although I still don't understand why you hate Boss so much!) and Princessofgames0014. THANKS GUYS!!! AND KEEP SUBMITTING IDEAS!!! YAY!!!  
  
Oh yeah - and also, sorry, Princessofgames0014!!! I know I said I would have this up by Friday at the latest, and now it's Sunday...but, well, see, lots of stuff came us...  
  
Cricket: You're just trying to make up an excuse. You know you coulda had it posted by Friday if you had tried.  
  
Genie: Well...maybe what I really meant was NEXT Friday, and I just got it up really early!  
  
Cricket: Yeah right.  
  
Genie: Oh shut up.  
  
(I don't own Premio Italian Sausage)  
  
~  
  
*Hamtaro and Bijou are on their honeymoon in Italy, and everyone else is at the clubhouse as usual. Except, of course, for Jingle, who happens to be walking by the bowling alley...*  
  
Jingle: Oh boy, a bowling alley! I haven't been bowling since...NEVER! *reading sign outside bowling alley* Free pork night. Hey, I love pork!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Inside the bowling alley~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jingle: Hey. I was promised some free pork. I want my free pork.  
  
Dude at counter: Okay. *gives him a plate of pork*  
  
Jingle: Thanks. Hey wait a second - hiff-hiff...OH NO!!! POOR HERBERT!!!  
  
Dude at counter: Is there a problem?  
  
Jingle: I'm sorry. I can't eat this pork. It's my friend.  
  
Dude at counter: Um...yeah.  
  
Random person: Excuse me. *taps Jingle on the shoulder*  
  
Jingle: Yeah?  
  
Random person: Is this your pig? *holds up Herbert*  
  
Jingle: Um, no. It looks a lot like him, but my pig got turned into pork.  
  
Herbert: Oinky???  
  
Jingle: Herbert? IT IS YOU!!! YOU'RE ALIVE!!!  
  
(A/N: Jingle isn't rhyming very much, is he? Sorry, I'm really bad at rhymes. Oh well.)  
  
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink.  
  
Jingle: What? You killed Ghetto Melon???  
  
Herbert: Oinky oinky oinky oinkity oink!  
  
Jingle: You used him as a bowling ball by accident.  
  
Herbert: Oinky.  
  
Jingle: I see. Well, I guess we better go tell the Ham-Hams that you killed their friend.  
  
Herbert: OINKY!!!  
  
Jingle: Oh. I see. So he wasn't their friend, he was just an annoying piece of fruit. Well, I still think we should tell them.  
  
Herbert: Oinky.  
  
Jingle: No, I do not support the use of innocent fruits as bowling balls.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At da clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: 34, 67, 92, 100. Ready or not, here I crumb. I mean, come.  
  
*everyone is hiding cuz they're playing hide-and-seek*  
  
Boss: Um...Cappy, that's not how you play hide-and-seek.  
  
Cappy: What? But I can't see you! *he's standing out in the open with his hat pulled down over his eyes*  
  
Boss: You're supposed to hide.  
  
Cappy: I am hiding!  
  
Boss: No, you've got your hat over your face.  
  
Cappy: Well it's better than Hamtaro's hiding place! He glued himself to the ceiling!  
  
Boss: Yeah, like I'd believe that.  
  
Cappy: No, he really did!  
  
Boss: Yeah, right. *looks up* WHAT?!  
  
Hamtaro: *glued to the ceiling* Uh, hi Boss. Cappy, why'd you tell him? I had the best spot of all!  
  
Cappy: I told you, Boss! *talking to the chair* Didn't I tell you that Hamtaro glued himself to the ceiling?  
  
Boss: Cappy, that's a chair. I'm over here.  
  
Cappy: Oh. *runs into the wall*  
  
Boss: Hey, uh, Hamtaro, aren't you supposed to be in Italy on your honeymoon with Bijou?  
  
Hamtaro: Uh, um...oh.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Bijou: Vhere ze heck did Hamtaro go to now?  
  
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.  
  
Bijou: Um, no, zank you.  
  
Chef-ham: You are lonely.  
  
Bijou: Oui. My new husband has disappeared.  
  
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.  
  
Bijou: Vhy do you keep saying zhat?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hamtaro: Oh well. Aren't you gonna look for anyone else?  
  
Boss: I dunno. I'm kinda concerned about your being glued to the ceiling. And not being in Italy with Bijou.  
  
Hamtaro: What? I can get myself down just fine. In fact, I'll be catching the next flight to Italy right now...*starts trying to unstick himself but is having some trouble*  
  
Boss: Okay then...*starts looking for other people*  
  
*Jingle bursts through the door*  
  
Jingle: HERBERT DID IT!!! IT WAS HERBERT!!!  
  
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Lamp: HEKE???  
  
Jingle: Your lamp is alive.  
  
Boss: Hmm? *looks at the lamp* Oh man. You guys are the worst hiders ever.  
  
Lamp: *in Howdy's voice* Whaddaya mean? I'm just a simple lamp.  
  
Boss: Howdy, I know that's you with a lampshade on your head.  
  
Lamp: No it ain't.  
  
Boss: Howdy, quit fooling around, I found you fair and square!  
  
Howdy: *walks up behind Boss* What are you talking about? I was hidin' behind the TV. But I got bored.  
  
Boss: HEKE?! *turns around* HOWDY?! But you were - *looks back at the lamp, which is completely normal* Um...never mind.  
  
Hamtaro: *still glued to the ceiling* What was Jingle talking about? That Herbert did?  
  
Cappy: *talking to the lamp* Yeah, what was that about, Jingle?  
  
Jingle: Wow, does that lamp have the same name as me?  
  
Boss: Um...just ignore him.  
  
Cappy: *runs into the wall again* Ow.  
  
Jingle: Okay...well anyway, as I was saying...Herbert killed Ghetto Melon!!!  
  
Hamtaro: You mean that really annoying cantaloupe that we had a funeral for?  
  
Jingle: Yeah. That one.  
  
Boss: Well tell Herbert thanks.  
  
Jingle: Okay.  
  
*Herbert sticks his head in the door*  
  
Herbert: OINKY!!!  
  
Jingle: He's says he'll knock off anyone else you want him to, too.  
  
Boss&Hamtaro&Cappy&Howdy: O_O  
  
Boss: So Herbert's a hitman.  
  
Jingle: I guess he is now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Outside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  
  
Stan: Dude, where the heck is Boss?  
  
Sandy: Like, I don't know, but he should be out here looking for us by now.  
  
*Just then Boss runs outside with Cappy at his heels*  
  
Boss: HEY GUYS, GUESS WHAT?! HERBERT'S A HITMAN AND HE KILLED GHETTO MELON!!!  
  
Everyone: REALLY?!  
  
Boss: HAHAHAHA!!! I FOUND YOU ALL!!!  
  
Everyone: Dangit.  
  
Cappy: And Hamtaro is stuck to the ceiling.  
  
Maxwell: I thought he was on his honeymoon in Italy with Bijou.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Italy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chef-ham: I make-a you a nice-a pizza.  
  
Bijou: How did you get on this gondola vith me?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cappy: Nope.  
  
*Then Jingle comes out of the clubhouse*  
  
Jingle: Let's have a seance.  
  
Oxnard: What the heck is a seance?  
  
Maxwell: A seance is a ritual where you try to make contact with the spirits of the deceased.  
  
Oxnard: You mean like that TV show "Crossing Over?"  
  
Maxwell: Yeah, only less fake.  
  
Jingle: Let's have a seance for Ghetto Melon!  
  
Everyone: OKAY!!!  
  
*they all go inside*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Panda: Hahaha. Boss'll never find me here.  
  
Lucky: Oh me. Another hamster. *jumps off a bridge*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Everyone is sitting in the clubhouse; the lights are turned off and there are a bunch of candles all around the room. Oh yeah, and Hamtaro is still stuck to the ceiling*  
  
Boss: Okay. How do we do this seance thing?  
  
Jingle: We have to hold hands, then someone recites a spiritual chant and we see if we can talk to Ghetto Melon's spirit.  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, wait! I'm stuck here on the ceiling! I can't reach anyone's hand!  
  
*Boss reaches up and tears Hamtaro off the ceiling*  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, thanks! I was starting to think I would be stuck there forever!  
  
*Unfortunately, Hamtaro still had some glue on him and was now stuck to the floor*  
  
Hamtaro: Crud.  
  
Jingle: Now I shall recite the magic charm.  
  
Boss: Hey, wait a sec. Where's Panda?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere in Leprechaun Land~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Lucky: *who somehow managed to survive jumping off a bridge* Did someone say Lucky Charms? *teleports to the clubhouse*  
  
Panda: Hey wait! Don't leave me here all alone! *also teleports*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Lucky and Panda burst into the clubhouse*  
  
Lucky: Okay, who said Lucky Charms?  
  
*Everyone points at Jingle*  
  
Jingle: No, I said "magic charm." I meant the chant that I'm about to recite.  
  
Panda: What? You mean hide-and-seek is over?  
  
Boss: Yeah, where were you? We're about to have a seance.  
  
Panda: I was hiding in Leprechaun Land.  
  
Boss: Ah. I see.  
  
Panda: And why is Hamtaro glued to the floor?  
  
Boss: You probably shouldn't ask.  
  
Hamtaro: Hey, I had a good hiding place!  
  
Panda: Aren't you supposed to be in Italy with Bijou on your honeymoon?  
  
Hamtaro: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Jingle: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!! I need quiet in order for this to work.  
  
Lucky: Wait, can I join the circle of love?  
  
Jingle: It's called a seance, moron.  
  
Lucky: Can I join the seance, moron?  
  
Jingle: Fine.  
  
Lucky: Yay! Who wants to hold my hand?  
  
*Everyone backs up a step except Hamtaro, who is glued to the floor*  
  
Hamtaro: Hey wait! I don't want to have to-  
  
*Lucky holds Hamtaro's hand*  
  
Hamtaro: Dang.  
  
Lucky: Okay, who's going to hold my other hand?  
  
*Everyone backs up another step*  
  
Boss: Hey, I got it! *runs up the stairs, grabs Snoozer and drags him down* Here. Hold Snoozer's hand.  
  
Snoozer: NO!!! THAT IS FLUFFY THIEF!!! *bites Lucky's hand*  
  
Lucky: OW!!! ME LUCKY 'AND!!! *runs away screaming*  
  
Hamtaro: Well, I guess that takes care of that.  
  
Jingle: Now can I PLEASE get started?  
  
Hamtaro: Yeah. Say the chant thing.  
  
Jingle: Okay. Here goes nothing. *closes his eyes and starts reciting a chant*  
Friggle fraggle froogle fry  
Chocolate cake, apple pie  
Nicky nacky nocky noo  
Watch your step, don't step in poo  
Jingle jangle jenga jag  
I pledge allegiance to the flag  
I see London, I see France  
I see someone's underpants.  
  
Maxwell: Uh...are you sure that's how it goes?  
  
Boss: Sounded like a bunch of nonsense to me.  
  
Jingle: SHHH!!! I hear something! I think I've made contact with Ghetto Melon's spirit!  
  
Mysterious voice: Hello...is someone on the other side?  
  
Jingle: YES!!! He's talking to us from beyond!  
  
Hamtaro: Beyond what?  
  
Jingle: Beyond...beyond!  
  
Boss: I dunno, he sounded kinda...robotic, didn't he?  
  
Jingle: SHH!!!  
  
Mysterious voice: We want to see you.  
  
Jingle: We? You mean I'm talking to more than one person here?  
  
Mysterious voice: Yes. There are twelve of us.  
  
Oxnard: AHHH!!! TWELVE GHETTO MELONS!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!! *starts running around like crazy*  
  
Boss: SHUT UP OXNARD!!!  
  
Jingle: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!! Ghetto Melon...are you still there?  
  
Mysterious voice: Who is this Ghetto Melon?  
  
Jingle: You mean, that's not who I'm talking to?  
  
Mysterious voice: No, you're talking to...  
  
*the door bursts open and 12 hamster cyborgs are standing there, all wearing cyborg uniforms*  
  
Mysterious voice, now identified as belonging to one of the cyborgs: THE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!  
  
Everyone: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jingle: Shut up. Everyone settle down.  
  
Mysterious voice cyborg: I'm 001. *he's brown with spiked red, yellow, and black fur on the top of his head*  
  
Second cyborg: I'm 002! *he's white with orange hair*  
  
Third cyborg: 003, nice to meet you! *she's white with blond hair*  
  
Fourth cyborg: How's it going, I'm 004! *gray with green hair and a metal hand*  
  
Fifth cyborg: I'm 005! *really tall, brown hair with a short mohwk*  
  
Sixth cyborg: Hi, I'm 006! *yellow ham with permanently closed eyes and black hair*  
  
Seventh cyborg: 'ello, chums! I'm 007! *completely yellow, with a British accent*  
  
Eighth cyborg: Hey! I'm 008! *light brown ham*  
  
Ninth cyborg: Hey, dudes! I'm 009! *white with brown hair over one of his red eyes*  
  
Tenth cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010-! *blue with red stripe*  
  
Eleventh cyborg: Hiya, I'm 0010+! *red with blue stripe*  
  
Twelfth cyborg: Greetings, I'm 0014! *tan ham with red hair, eyeglass markings like Dexter's and shocking green eyes*  
  
Oxnard: Phew. So there aren't 12 Ghetto Melons. *sits back down*  
  
*then there is the resounding sound of splintering wood and breaking guitar strings*  
  
*Everyone looks at Oxnard*  
  
Oxnard: Uh-oh. *stands back up, looks where he was sitting and realizes he's just smashed Jingle's guitar to pieces*  
  
Jingle: O_____________________O  
  
Oxnard: OHNO!!! I'M REALLY SORRY!!!! I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE!!!!  
  
Jingle: Buy me....a....new...one....NO!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL GUITAR!!!! YOU KILLED IT!!!! KILLED IT I SAY!!!!!!!!  
  
Boss: Woah, woah, calm down there.  
  
Jingle: YOU WILL PAY!!! *starts running towards Oxnard and trips over Hamtaro's head*  
  
Hamtaro: OWIE!!!  
  
*Jingle falls to the floor*  
  
Oxnard: Please forgive me!!! *he starts sobbing uncontrollably*  
  
Jingle: No. You must pay. *stands up and stares at Oxnard with an incredibly evil glint of revenge in his eyes* You will pay.  
  
Oxnard: *gulp*  
  
Jingle: ARRGHHHHH!!!!!! *starts chasing Oxnard around the clubhouse; all the while Oxnard is crying and begging for mercy*  
  
Boss: Oh man. You guys gotta help us. Looks like we have a real situation on our hands.  
  
001: You want our help?  
  
Boss: Yeah. When things get this crazy we need all the help we can get.  
  
001: OKAY!!! 00CYBORGS, LET'S GET TO WORK!!!  
  
*They all start chasing Jingle*  
  
001: WAIT! THIS ISN'T WORKING!!! *freezes in mid-stride and all the other cyborgs run into him*  
  
007: We need a plan, eh?  
  
003: Okay. Huddle up, guys.  
  
*The cyborgs huddle up and start discussing their plan*  
  
002: Okay. Let's do this thing.  
  
All the cyborgs: OOPAH!!!  
  
*005 sticks out his foot and trips Jingle*  
  
Jingle: A-HEY!!! *falls down*  
  
*004 grabs Jingle with his metal hand while 0010- and 0010+ try to calm Oxnard down*  
  
0014: Now, Jingle. You don't really want to hurt Oxnard, do you?  
  
Jingle: Oh, but I do want to hurt him. And I'm sorry. (A/N: That was a reference to a horror movie that came out...oh, let's see, about a year ago I guess? If you know what it is, tell me in your review. I wanna see how many people can get it. ^_^)  
  
009: Calm down, man. We're here to help you.  
  
Jingle: YOU CAN'T HELP ME!!! I'M MAD WITH RAGE!!!  
  
006: No, see that's your problem. You must let your rage go, and forgive. Can you do that?  
  
Jingle: NO!!! I'M ANGRY LIKE A HORNET!!!  
  
006: Jingle, let's take a deep breath and hold it, okay?  
  
*Everyone takes a deep breath and holds it except 006*  
  
006: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...  
  
*Everyone's faces start turning purple*  
  
006: HAHA!!! I GOT YOU ALL!!!  
  
*Of course, that did absolutely nothing except to make everyone mad at 006*  
  
Jingle: THAT DID NOTHING!!! I'M STILL MAD WITH RAGE!!! *whips out a pistol*  
  
001: Hey, hey, hey, no violence! Where'd that gun come from???  
  
Jingle: Okay...*starts breathing really creepily and gets a really evil glint in his eyes* Who's gonna get it? *aims the pistol at Oxnard* You!  
  
Oxnard: ACK!!! *dives for cover under the table*  
  
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: NOO!!!! I CAN'T MOVE!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!  
  
Jingle: Or...you! *aims at 001*  
  
001: Hahaha! I'm a cyborg and you can't destroy me with a gun!! Hahaha!  
  
Boss: Jingle...I'm just gonna...slowly...take the gun...*reaches for Jingle's arm*  
  
Jingle: NO!!! *fires the gun just as Boss is taking it, and it's aimed right at...PASHMINA!!!*  
  
Dexter: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...............*dives in front of Pashmina*  
  
Pashmina: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......  
  
Dexter: ACK! I'M HIT!!! *falls on the floor gasping for air* I...c- can't...go...on...  
  
Pashmina: No!!!!!  
  
Dexter: And I never got to ask...if you would....  
  
Pashmina: WHAT IS IT, DEXY??? TELL ME!!!  
  
Dexter: If you would....marry...me...  
  
Pashmina: DEXTER!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! DON'T GO, I'LL MARRY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dexter: I'm afraid...my time...is up...  
  
Howdy: Uh. That was a squirt gun.  
  
Dexter: Oh. So it was. *looks at the little splurt of water on him* Well in THAT case...  
  
*Everyone looks at Jingle*  
  
Jingle: Well, who doesn't carry a squirt gun around with them? It comes in handy sometimes, it does.  
  
*Just then Bijou and Chef-ham burst through the door*  
  
Bijou: HELP ME!!! CHEF-HAM IS STALKING ME!!!  
  
Chef-ham: Have-a some-a Premio-a sausage! Real Italian sausage, real Italian taste!  
  
Oxanrd: I LOVE PREMIO!!!! *starts eating Chef-ham's Premio sausages*  
  
Bijou: HAMTARO, VHY DID YOU LEAVE ME??? AND VHY ARE YOU GLUED TO THE FLOOR???  
  
Hamtaro: Uh...long story?  
  
Bijou: And...who are you guys?  
  
001: We're the HAMSTER 00CYBORGS!!!  
  
Cyborgs: YAY!!!  
  
003: Hey, how's it going?  
  
Bijou: Vhy hello! I've never met a cyborg before!  
  
003: So, been on your honeymoon, I hear?  
  
Bijou: Oui! Although my husband left me alone, for some reason or other...*glares at Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: HEY!!! I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!  
  
Genie: Actually, it's really not his fault. I put that thing about you guys being on your honeymoon at the beginning, and then before I realized what I was writing, there he was glued to the ceiling. And I wanted to leave that part in there, so I was just like "What the heck" and decided you would be alone in Italy being followed around by Chef-ham. *SMILE INNOCENTLY*  
  
Bijou: O...kay. Vell, in that case, I forgive you, Hamtaro. *kisses him*  
  
Hamtaro: Aw, shucks.  
  
Bijou: So anyvay, as I vas saying...  
  
*Bijou and 003 start having a really juicy gossippy conversation*  
  
Oxnard: So Jingle. Are you...uh...okay now?  
  
Jingle: I...I've lost my best friend. *starts sobbing*  
  
Oxnard: I didn't think you liked Ghetto Melon.  
  
Jingle: I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY GUITAR, DIMWIT!!!  
  
Oxnard: And what about Herbert?  
  
Jingle: Huh? Oh dang, where did that pig go anyway?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the police station~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Policeman: I can't believe we finally caught you, Herbert. Or should I say...THE BLACK PHANTOM!!!  
  
Herbert: Oinkity. *translation: crap.*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pashmina: So, you...you really want to get married, Dexter?  
  
Dexter: Yes! I even have a ring...*holds up an engagement ring*  
  
Pashmina: OH! It's beautiful!  
  
Dexter: But not as beautiful as you.  
  
Pashmina: That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said.  
  
Dexter: Oh well. So when -  
  
Pashmina: Let's get married NOW!!!  
  
Dexter: What?!  
  
Pashmina: Right here at the clubhouse!  
  
Dexter: Uh...okay!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A little later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*008, who for some reason or other had been at one point trained as a minister, was the preacher*  
  
008: So uh, do you, Dexter, take Pashmina as your lawfully wedded wife, blah blah blah till death do you part?  
  
Dexter: I do.  
  
008: And do you, Pashmina, take Dexter as your lawfully wedded husband, blah blah blah and so on till death do you part?  
  
Pashmina: I do!  
  
008: In that case, I uh...pronounce you man and wife, I guess. You may kiss the -  
  
Pashmina: Way ahead of you. *kisses Dexter, who goes completely red*  
  
008: Okay, uh, you may kiss the groom, I guess.  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Genie: You know what? We still haven't discovered Boss's new secret crush!  
  
Boss: SHUT UP!!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO TELL THEM!!!  
  
Genie: Okay...I guess that'll wait till the next chapter, then. See you all then!  
  
~  
  
Hmm. Sorry, this chappie wasn't as funny as I woulda liked it to be. Oh well, I guess I'm running out of ideas, which means: I NEED YOU GUYS TO SEND ME SOME!!! Okay.  
  
Once again, thank-Q Jonathan the Caveham and Princessofgames0014. I hope you liked how this turned out, even though like I said, it wasn't as funny as it coulda been.  
  
Oh yeah, and remember in your reviews to guess what that horror movie reference was! Winners get, uh, some kind of prize! (aka, a shout-out in the next chappie)  
  
:3 


	6. Banana of Doom and other tales

Man, I love you guys. All of my readers. You guys are the bestest...est! I mean, I actually have two people practically BEGGING me to continue this fic (heheheh...u kno who u r, Animegirl0014 and Numbuh 7! lol ^_^) and like trillions of other people who have at least put in a nice word or two. I feel so loved!!! So anyhow, thank-Q to all my loyal reviewers and readers.  
  
Also, a mega-Q thank-Q (wow! i used 2 hamchat words in a sentence!) to my wondachu (3!!!) fans who sent in ideas for this chappie. That would be *drumroll please* Animegirl0014 (you're seriously my biggest fan for this fic! love ya chika!), KirbyKat (hey, you said your brain wasn't working, but i think that banana of doom idea came out pretty good!), and my main woman Numbuh 7 (we have the weirdest convos, don't we?)!!! Thank-Q again, and keep 'em coming!  
  
Another note: The reason I changed the rating of this fic to PG is because I used the word 'hell.' Frankly, I don't think the word 'hell' is really a cuss word when used in its literal sense, that is, meaning the place opposite of heaven (heck, i dare you to go through the Bible and count how many times the word 'hell' is in there!! lol). But I didn't want anyone to complain and say that i cussed so I should have changed the rating, so i saved myself the trouble by going ahead and changing it. Yeah.  
  
Also: This is a message for HamtaroLover96 (if you're reading this). I saw that you apologized to Jonathan for cussing him out, and he accepted your apology, so I guess I should apologize too. I did mean what I said about you being mean to him and how you shouldn't cuss him out for sending you a bunch of good reviews. But I guess I did overdo it a little...so sorry if I hurt your feelings. Now that things have been set straight between you and him, I hope you aren't too mad at me and that you'll accept my apology and my offer to be friends. I seriously don't want to go making any enemies here at ff.net. So, sorry for the flame, I know I went a little overboard and I hope you forgive me. Besides, even though I did flame you, you still sent me a nice review. Friends?  
  
And finally...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SHOUT-OUT TIME!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Okay, I promised to give a shout-out to anyone who guessed the horror movie from the last chapter correctly, so here we go:  
  
YAY 4 NUMBUH 7!!!!! Would you believe this girl actually went to three search engines looking for the answer (before finally getting it from her brother)? lol. Nice going, Steffers.  
  
Anyhow, the movie reference was from "The Ring." Good movie, though very scary. *shudders*  
  
Now that that's said and done, on with the fic!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Genie: Before I continue this fic, the Ham-Hams would like to take a brief moment to share what they are thankful for, in honor of Thanksgiving. Hamtaro?  
  
Hamtaro: I'm thankful for all of my friends, my beautiful wife...  
  
Bijou: *blushes*  
  
Hamtaro: ...My wonderful owner Laura even if she does forget to feed me sometimes, uhhh...  
  
Oxnard: Can I say something?  
  
Hamtaro: Sure, go ahead!  
  
Oxnard: I'm thankful for turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and sweet potato casserole and green beans and stuffing and cranberries and mmmmmmm....*starts drooling like crazy*  
  
Hamtaro: Uh...Oxnard?  
  
Oxnard: Mmmmm....pie.....  
  
Hamtaro: Anyone else wanna say anything?  
  
Boss: You pretty much got it covered, you and Oxnard. The food especially.  
  
Bijou: Vell I am zankful just for us all being here together!  
  
Hamtaro: Me too.  
  
Oxnard: Mmmm....potatoes...  
  
Dexter: I'm thankful that Howdy hasn't told any jokes yet.  
  
Howdy: Oh! That reminds me of a good one...  
  
Everyone: NO!!!  
  
Howdy: Objection!  
  
Genie: Overruled. No jokes, Howdy.  
  
Howdy: Dang.  
  
Cappy: I'm thankful for my hat.  
  
Genie: Yeah, we all know that, Cappy. Stop obsessing. It's not good for your health.  
  
Cappy: Okay.  
  
Stan: I'm thankful for my wonderful sister.  
  
Sandy: Oh Stan, that's so sweet of you!  
  
Stan: ...And all the hot chicks out there! Hey, all you cuties reading this...gimme a call, ok? My number is -  
  
Sandy: Stop it, Stan!  
  
Stan: Sorry.  
  
Maxwell: Well I'm thankful that me and Sandy finally got married.  
  
Sandy: *blushes* I love you Max!  
  
Maxwell: I love you too.  
  
*they schmubby-wubby*  
  
Pashmina: Well I'm thankful that Dexter and I are together.  
  
Dexter: Awww... *blushes*  
  
Pashmina: C'mere, you. *kisses him*  
  
Dexter: Hehhhehhh  
  
Panda: And I'm thankful that it's a beautiful day and everyone is happy!  
  
Everyone: Hear, hear!  
  
Penelope: Ookwee! *I'm thankful for everything!*  
  
Pashmina: Awww, you're so cute!  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo ookyoo!  
  
Snoozer: zuzuzuzuz...thanks for letting me sleep....zuzuzuzu....  
  
Everyone: -_-  
  
Jingle: I'm thankful for the morning breeze, the leaves a-falling from the trees, all the creatures great and small, oh yes I'm thankful for it all.  
  
Genie: Beautiful, Jingle.  
  
Jingle: Why thank you.  
  
Genie: And I am thankful for all my readers and reviewers! Without you, this fic would not be such a success and I probably would have given up on writing and since it's like the only thing I'm good at, I wouldn't be able to get a job and I'd have to grow up and live in a sewer somewhere!  
  
Everyone: Yeah...right.  
  
Genie: Well okay, maybe it wouldn't be THAT extreme...but still, I am very thankful for all the people who took their time to review this fic, and now that I have wasted enough of your time, I'll continue with the actual story. ^_^  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...story...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*Alright, here's the situation: Pashmina and Dexter are on their honeymoon in Vegas (lol...u know that can't be good...but it was the first place that came to my mind!), the 00cyborgs are now official Ham-Hams and are staying at the clubhouse with Boss until he finally gets fed up with them being there all the time and kicks them out, and...uh...Hamtaro is, sadly, still glued to the floor*  
  
Boss: Hey, look, I was going through some old crap of mine and I discovered this old radio. I wonder if it still works. *turns it on*  
  
Voice on radio: ...realized it was a giant coconut with eyes and not, in fact, a dinosaur as they had imagined. On to other news, police are currently on the lookout for Herbert the pig, who recently escaped from the county jail where he was held after being identified as the Black Phantom, a notorious hitman and suspected murderer of local citizen Ghetto Melon. Although nobody mourns the death of this particular fruit, Herbert has also been found guilty of the murders of Mr. Potato Head, Carrot Top and Sticky the Stick. He is thought to be wearing a Batman costume and driving a covertible belonging to his friend Jingle, who we have no information on at this time, except that he is apparently a hamster with a mohawk. Not many of those, so he should be easily recognizable. Herbert also has disproportionate nostrils, if that helps anyone. If you have any information on Herbert, aka the Black Phantom, or his accomplice, Jingle the mohawked rodent, please contact your local police station. That is all.  
  
Stan: Dude. Herbert is a wanted criminal.  
  
Sandy: So's Jingle.  
  
Hamtaro: Sweeeeeeet! Let's go arrest them and make lots of cash! *tries to get up and then realizes he's still glued to the floor* Dangit! Anyone have something that will dissolve glue?  
  
Oxnard: Yes!!! Saliva!!! *starts spitting at Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: EEEWWW!!! OXNARD, THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!! STOP!!!  
  
Oxnard: It's not working?  
  
Hamtaro: NO, YOU MADE IT WORSE!!!  
  
009: Stand back, I'll zap the glue with my laser gun! That should take care of it!  
  
Hamtaro: Wha? You have a laser gun that dissolves glue? Why didn't you just use it before? I've been stuck to the floor for two weeks, for crying out loud!!!  
  
009: Uh, well, see, there was...the...thing...and then the...other thing...  
  
Hamtaro: You guys have been laughing at me behind my back, haven't you??? Trying to see how long I could hold up glued to the floor???!!!  
  
009: *stage whispers to the other cyborgs* Dangit, he found us out!  
  
003: YES!!! TWO WEEKS!!! I WIN!!!  
  
Hamtaro: You were BETTING on how long I could stay glued to the floor???!!!  
  
003: C'mon, fork over the cash. *she smiles smugly as the other cyborgs all pay her*  
  
004: I can't believe I guessed a whole year.  
  
003: Tough luck, that's the way the cookie crumbles!  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...cookie... (A/N: He sounds like Homer Simpson, doesn't he? lol)  
  
Hamtaro: WELL DON'T JUST DO SOMETHING, STAND THERE!!!  
  
Boss: Don't you mean -  
  
Hamtaro: Oh shut up.  
  
009: Okay, here goes. Everyone, stand back! *zaps the glue with his laser gun*  
  
*there's a huge flash of blinding yellow light*  
  
Everyone: OOoooooOOOOOooooOOOOoooo.....  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...light...  
  
*Then the glow subsides, and, quite miraculously, the glue has been dissolved and Hamtaro is no longer stuck to the floor. He is, however, on fire.*  
  
Hamtaro: WHAT?! I HATE YOU GENIE!!!  
  
Genie: Oh come now, that's no attitude to have on Thanksgiving! Be thankful that you're not stuck to the floor!  
  
Hamtaro: -_O  
  
(A/N: Isn't that the best face ever?)  
  
Bijou: EXTREME ICE WATER!!! *throws a bucket of ice water on Hamtaro*  
  
Hamtaro: AAAHHHH!!!! COLD COLD COLD!!!  
  
Bijou: Vell excuse me, I thought I vas doing you a favor by putting out ze fire! If zat is how you feel, perhaps I should light you on fire again! *pulls out a lighter and lights it*  
  
Hamtaro: NO!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!  
  
Bijou: I vas only joking. You know I vould never do that to you!  
  
Hamtaro: Phew... But man, 009, you coulda been more careful with that laser gun.  
  
009: Sorry. Still practicing.  
  
Hamtaro: Okay, well, now that I'm unstuck...WHO WANTS TO MAKE SOME CASH?!  
  
Everyone: YEAH!!!  
  
Hamtaro: ...BY ARRESTING JINGLE AND HERBERT!!!  
  
Everyone: -_O  
  
Boss: Don'tcha think that's kinda...cruel? I mean, they are our friends...  
  
Hamtaro: Aw, forget it. I was hoping I could make enough money off of turning them in to retire.  
  
Bijou: Hamtaro, you do not even have a job.  
  
Hamtaro: Well...anyhow...I at least hope Pashmina and Dexter are making more money in Vegas than I am here.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In the great city of Las Vegas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Come on JACKPOT! Come on JACKPOT! *he's playing the slots*  
  
(A/N: Never knew Dex was a gambler, did you? Or that Vegas had hamster- sized slot machines...)  
  
Dexter: WHAT?! NOTHING AGAIN?! DANG SLOT MACHINE!!! *starts bashing his head against the slot machine*  
  
Pashmina: *also playing the slots* (A/N: Who'da thought Pashmina was a gambler too?) Hey Dex, what does it mean when the three little jackpots line up?  
  
Dexter: What?!  
  
*Pashmina's slot machine starts spewing coins at her*  
  
Pashmina: Did I win?  
  
Dexter: LIKE HECK YOU WON!!! WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH CASH TO RETIRE!!!  
  
Pashmina: Uh...we don't have jobs.  
  
Dexter: WELL WHATEVER!!! WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH CASH TO BUY A YACHT!!!  
  
Pashmina: Okay...  
  
Dexter: COME ON!!! LET'S GO PLAY ROULETTE!!!  
  
Pashmina: Okay...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at da clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...boredom.  
  
Boss: I hear ya Oxy.  
  
0014: We can find something to do for fun!  
  
Hamtaro: Like what?  
  
Boss: Hey, didn't you have glasses markings before?  
  
0014: Yeah. Now I have a watch. See? *holds up her wrist, which now has watch markings on it*  
  
Hamtaro: COOL! YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MARKINGS AT WILL???  
  
0014: Yep!  
  
Stan: Man, I wish I was a cyborg.  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...cyborg...  
  
00cyborgs: -_O  
  
Hamtaro: Can you teach me how to change my markings?  
  
0014: Um, no. Only cyborgs can. You're not a cyborg.  
  
Hamtaro: I MIGHT be...  
  
0014: You're not.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh. Yeah.  
  
0010+: HEY LOOK! I'M YUGI!!! *his fur is tanner and his hair is spikey magenta, red, and yellow*  
  
0014: Stop showing off, 0010+.  
  
0010+: But...but 0010- is doing it too!  
  
0010-: What? *he's less pale, and his hair is black; he also has green eyes with glasses markings and a little lightning bolt scar*  
  
0014: You look like Harry Potter.  
  
0010-: I AM Harry Potter!  
  
0014: No, you're not. Harry Potter is a human, not a hamster 00cyborg.  
  
0010-: Then let's go human!  
  
0014: We're elves, remember?  
  
Ham-Hams: What?!  
  
0014: Yes, it's true. I'm really an elf. So are these two - we're related. See? Watch this. *she turns green with pointy ears*  
  
Stan: Duuuuuuuuuuude.  
  
0010+: I can do that! *turns green with pointy ears also*  
  
0010-: Me too! *he does the same*  
  
Hamtaro: Wow!!!! Now I REALLY wish I was a cyborg!  
  
009: AND the rest of us can turn into mini-humans!  
  
Ham-Hams: "Mini-humans"?  
  
009: Yeah. Humans, but hamster size.  
  
Sandy: Cool! I wanna see!  
  
009: Okay. The rest of you ready?  
  
00cyborgs: YEP!  
  
009: Alright. Here goes!  
  
*There's another blinding flash of light, and when it subsides all the cyborgs are now mini-humans, except 0014, 0010+, and 0010-, who are elves*  
  
Hamtaro: *starts crying*  
  
Boss: What'sa matter?  
  
Hamtaro: I WANNA BE A CYBORG!!!  
  
Bijou: But if you were a cyborg...you and I could not be married!  
  
Hamtaro: Then I wish we were BOTH cyborgs!  
  
Boss: What's so great about being a robot anyhow?  
  
Random person from FLCL: *pops in the door* A cyborg is different than a robot! *goes away*  
  
(A/N: Okay, that needs a little explaining. See, I saw this anime called FLCL (Fooly Cooly) before, and at one point in one of the episodes this kid's dad (I don't remember any of the character's names - lol) randomly swims by saying "A cyborg is different than a robot!" It was hilarious...that anime is REALLY insane...and weird...and funny...although some of it is kind of...well...it's not for little kids, I'll put it that way. Okay, back to the fic.)  
  
*The 00cyborgs turn back to hamsters; just then, the monkey cops burst through the door (don't ask me how monkeys fit in the clubhouse...I guess they're little monkeys)*  
  
(A/N: I'm going to abbreviate "monkey cop" with MC)  
  
MC1: We're looking for a criminal on the run!  
  
MC2: We're not having much luck and it isn't much fun!  
  
MC3: We've come to ask if you've seen this pig  
  
MC4: Or this ham with a mohawk (it might be a wig)!  
  
*They hold up a mug shot of Herbert and an artist's rendition of Jingle, since they didn't have any actual pictures of him at the police station*  
  
Hamtaro: Yeah, we know who they-  
  
Boss: NO WE DON'T! Never seen 'em.  
  
MC1: Now wait just a minute, and you soon shall see  
  
MC2: That we are more clever than we seem to be  
  
MC3: Because now we have found him, right here in this room  
  
MC4: And now it's time for the BANANA OF DOOM!!!  
  
*Monkey cop 4 pulls out a banana and points it at 005*  
  
005: What? What's going on?  
  
MC1: Now don't try to fool us, because it's too clear  
  
MC2: That you are the one we came looking for here  
  
MC3: You thought your disguise could save the day  
  
MC4: But alas, your mohawk gave you away!  
  
005: Now wait just a minute here - I'm not Jingle! I'm a cyborg! CY - BORG! See, look, I can even turn into a human! *changes into his mini-human form*  
  
MC1: All the more reason for us to believe  
  
MC2: That you have some cunning tricks up your sleeve  
  
MC3: Because any murderous pig, as they say,  
  
MC4: Would have a cyborg for an accomplice any old day!  
  
Oxnard: Mmm...banana...  
  
Monkey cops: Hey...what?!  
  
MC4: HE ATE THE BANANA OF DOOM!!!  
  
MC1: Now we are powerless! What shall we do?  
  
MC2: I'm afraid we must flee - what about you?  
  
MC3: But remember this: we will be back!  
  
MC4: To arrest you, and save the world from another attack!  
  
*they run away*  
  
005: Hey - they left the Banana of Doom behind.  
  
Hamtaro: I thought Oxnard ate it?  
  
Oxnard: No...I ate a different banana...not the Banana of Doom...I was afraid it would kill me if I ate it...See, I left the peel lying -  
  
Boss: *slips on banana peel* AAAAHHH!!! *lands on his back* OW!!! OXNARD!!!  
  
Hamtaro: *holding the Banana of Doom* Wow...I feel...such power...  
  
Oxnard: Wonder how it works?  
  
Boss: Dunno. I'd be careful if I were you, though...  
  
Cappy: I WANNA WEAR IT!!! *puts the banana on his head* LOOK!! I'M WEARING THE BANANA OF DOOM!!!  
  
Bijou: Everyone shut up! We need to do something!  
  
Hamtaro: Whaddaya mean?  
  
Bijou: Vell, if ve do not help them, Herbert and Jingle are going to be thrown in jail!!! We have to prove their innocence!  
  
Hamtaro: What if they're not innocent?  
  
Bijou: Vell...that's what ve'll find out!  
  
Hamtaro: How?  
  
Bijou: There's only one way...ve must talk to Ghetto Melon and find out exactly vhat happened!  
  
Maxwell: But we already tried a seance, and that didn't work. Theoretically, we might be able to contact his spirit by visiting it in person, but that would mean...  
  
Everyone: FIELD TRIP TO HELL!!! YAY!!! *they all run out the door, leaving Maxwell behind wondering why a field trip to hell is so appealing*  
  
Maxwell: I wonder why a field trip to hell is so appealing. Oh well. *follows them*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In Las Vegas~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Yes! 21! I win!  
  
Pashmina: Dex, I'm getting sick of blackjack. Actually, I'm getting sick of gambling in general. Actually, I'm getting sick of Las Vegas in general. Who picked this place for our honey moon?  
  
Dexter: Genie.  
  
Pashmina: Oh yeah.  
  
Dexter: Hit me, dealer.  
  
Dealer: *smacks him*  
  
Dexter: I MEANT DEAL ME ANOTHER CARD!!! Sheesh, some dealer you are.  
  
Dealer: No! You cheated!  
  
Dexter: Wha?  
  
Dealer: You tampered with the deck, didn't you?  
  
Dexter: No, I really didn't.  
  
Dealer: THEN HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING 21 EVERY TIME?!  
  
Dexter: ...dumb luck?  
  
Dealer: CHEATER!!! CHEATER!!!  
  
Everyone else in the casino: *gasp!*  
  
Dealer: You're banned from this casino!!!  
  
Dexter: What? But I didn't -  
  
Everyone in the casino: *chases him and Pashmina out with pitchforks and torches (heheh - dunno why they had those inside a casino)*  
  
Pashmina: Well this is great! Now we're flat broke!  
  
Dexter: Oh well. We didn't really have anything to begin with.  
  
Pashmina: But we could have had millions! We could have had a yacht, Dex, a YACHT for crying out loud! And YOU had to go and blow it by cheating!  
  
Dexter: But I didn't -  
  
Pashmina: Oh, I don't want to hear it! Come on, let's go home. I hate this place.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dexter: Hello...anyone here?  
  
Pashmina: There's a note on the table... "Went on a mission to hell to retrieve Ghetto Melon."  
  
Dexter: -_O  
  
Pashmina: Uh...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Next chapter: MISSION TO HELL!!!  
  
With guest star - NUMBUH 7!!! aka Steph aka Steffers  
  
Also - Animegirl0014 - 009 and 003 will get married in the next chappie, I promise! I couldn't find a good place to put it in this chapter, so I didn't. But you just wait!  
  
Also next chappie: What becomes of the BANANA OF DOOM?!  
  
So, peeps, send me your reviews, and any ideas you have that you want me to put in here! The more reviews I get, the faster I'll update!!! Well...theoretically, anyway. 


	7. Mission to hell!

Weeee.I know two of you in particular (ie, the two guest stars in this chapter) have been waiting for this chapter for a while, so here it is! YAY!!!  
  
The two guest stars in this chappie are Steph (Numbuh 7) and 0015 (Animegirl0014)!!! YAY!!!  
  
And thank you to all who gave me ideas for this chappie - Animegirl0014, Numbuh 7, KirbyKat, Tian Sirki, and john!!! Love ya all!  
  
Oh yeah, and btw I woulda put this up sooner, but I kinda got myself banned from updating for like a week because I posted an announcement.oh well.  
  
Oh yeah, and if anyone knows who Pixistix318, aka Nonno, is, then could you tell me how to get in touch with her? She sent me an email a while back and I really wanted to reply to it but when I tried to it said "Pixistix318 is not a known member" but that was the address on the email so I don't know what the heck is going on.  
  
Well, on with the fic! Oh yes, and I hope you all had a very merry Christmas / Hanukkah / whatever winter holiday you may celebrate!  
  
(Animegirl0014 - I hope I at least fairly accurately described how the cyborgs and the yamies fight.if not, you can yell at me.oh yeah, and also, if you can't tell, my brain was running out of creative ideas when I described how the hamster 00cyborgs came to be, so.er.well, it's not very original but I hope you don't mind. ^^)  
  
~  
  
Genie: Welcome once more to "The Untold Hamtaro." Today, as you all know and have been anticipating for like a month now, today we shall be going on a mission to hell to retrieve Ghetto Melon.  
  
Loyal reviewers and fans and Ham-Hams: YAY!!!  
  
Genie: And I shall be your wonderful guide on this mission.  
  
Hamtaro: Oh wow, this can't be good...  
  
Genie: ...Assisted by my lovely assistant, Steffers.  
  
Steffers: HIYA!!!  
  
Hamtaro: Oh good, maybe she at least has a little bit of sanity.  
  
Genie: I wouldn't count on it. You ever heard of Cuby Baby?  
  
Hamtaro: -_O  
  
Genie: Ya. But that's another story.  
  
Steffers: CUBY BABY!!! @_@  
  
Genie: Alright, anyhow, I think we're good to go. Let's see...*takes out list* Shovels?  
  
Boss: Check.  
  
Genie: Food, in case we get lost or stuck?  
  
Oxnard: Check. *burp*  
  
Genie: "The Explorer's Guide to the Inner Reaches of Hell"?  
  
Maxwell: Check.  
  
Steffers: HIYA MAXY-KUN!!!  
  
Maxwell: -_O  
  
Steffers: I LOVE YOU!!!  
  
Maxwell: -_O  
  
Genie: -____- MOVING ON...Flashlight?  
  
Panda: Check.  
  
Genie: Suntan lotion?  
  
Bijou: Oui.  
  
Genie: BIJ, MUST YOU SHOW OFF WITH THE FRENCH THING EVERY TIME?! CAN'T YOU JUST SAY 'CHECK' LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!  
  
Bijou: Sorry. Check.  
  
Genie: Danke.  
  
Bijou: -_- You don't have to show off with the 'oh look at me I'm in German 3 honors' thing.  
  
Genie: Hey, that was the first German thing I've said this whole fic.  
  
Bijou: You didn't even come in until the fourth chapter.  
  
Steffers: OH SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!!! AND CAN I ASK A VERY SERIOUS QUESTION?!  
  
Genie: Yeah?  
  
Steffers: MAXY-KUN, WHY AREN'T YOU HOLDING SANDY'S PAW?!  
  
Maxwell&Sandy: Huh?  
  
Steffers: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! *she grabs Maxwell and pulls him over beside Sandy, then forces him to hold her paw* THERE! That's more like it. ^_^  
  
Maxwell&Sandy: *blush*  
  
Steffers: Oh come on, can't you at least schmubby-wubby or something?  
  
Maxwell: Steph, please, we're trying to prepare for a very important mission and we don't have time to -  
  
Sandy: Oh, sure we do! *schmubby-wubbys with Max*  
  
Maxwell: *blushes and schmubby-wubbys back*  
  
Genie: *smacks herself in the forehead* *wow, it's weird referring to myself as 'herself'* STEPH, LEAVE THEM ALONE NOW OKAY?!  
  
Steffers: ^_^ Sorry!  
  
Genie: Okay, now where was I...hey, where'd my list go?  
  
Oxnard: *burps and a few scraps of paper fall out of his mouth* DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!  
  
Genie: -_- Oh well, we should be okay...LET'S GO!!!  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Steffers: WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Genie: Calm down.  
  
Steffers: Sorry. ^-^ I'm excited.  
  
Genie: I can tell.  
  
Steffers: @_@  
  
Mysterious figure on the edge of the horizon, in an Australian accent: WAIT FOR ME, MATES!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: Hmm?  
  
*as the figure approaches, they can tell it is a hamster cyborg with tannish-brown hair and purple eyes; she also has watch and glasses markings*  
  
008: Hey, it's 0015!  
  
Genie: You mean there's another hamster 00cyborg?  
  
008: Yeah. And here she comes now.  
  
0015: G'day! Sorry I'm late...  
  
Genie: Cool accent.  
  
0015: I'm an Ozzy.  
  
Genie: A.what?  
  
008: It means Australian.  
  
Genie: Ah.  
  
0015: I woulda been here sooner, but you see, there was the thing with the alien abduction, and then the stupid mad cow disease, and then my flight got cancelled and you know how that goes and then-  
  
Genie: Hey, woah, slow down.  
  
0015: Never mind. The important thing is, I'm here. You might need me for this mission. Going to heck and all, you know, things could get pretty ugly.  
  
Genie: You have some kind of powers or something?  
  
0015: Actually, I'm a psychic.  
  
Genie: Dude.  
  
0015: Yeah! Good thing too, since I happen to be blind... But I can see things because of my psychic abilities. Not to mention I can change the weather.  
  
Genie: Okay, you're in!  
  
0015: ^^ I hope the other cyborgs haven't caused you any trouble...  
  
Genie: Not at all.  
  
0015: Good...see, it's kinda hard to explain...we were all elf or human cyborgs to begin with. We were created in the 24th century by this evil scientist bloke with the intention of taking over the world, but he was stopped by this other bloke who tried to destroy us but ended up turning us into hamster cyborgs instead. Then he didn't want to destroy us, but he didn't know what to do with us so he sent us back in time. We were looking for a way to get back to the 24th century or at least for some place to stay in this century when the whole alien invasion - mad cow disease - cancelled flight mishap occurred, and I was separated from the others, and somehow they found you all. Don't know why they didn't come to look for me before now, though...  
  
001: We thought you were abducted by aliens.  
  
0015: I was!  
  
002: Then how d'you expect us to come look for you?  
  
0015: Well, you didn't possibly think that with my intellect and cunning I wouldn't have found a way to escape?  
  
001: Well uh...how did you escape?  
  
0015: That's another story and this is going to be a long chapter already so let's just move on shall we? I'll be taking over from here, if you don't mind.  
  
Genie: But I-  
  
0015: Okay, let's put it this way: Who would you trust as a guide on a very important mission to hell: a powerful cyborg who happens to be psychic and have to ability to change the weather, or someone with no special powers, little experience at this kind of thing and a dorky hat?  
  
Genie: Hey, I like my hat...  
  
0015: Alright, that settles it. I'm leading.  
  
Everyone except Genie: HURRAY!!!  
  
Maxwell: According to "The Explorer's Guide To The Inner Reaches Of Hell," the best way to get there is to dig a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~17 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Maxwell: ...really really really deep hole.  
  
*everyone but Steph is asleep*  
  
Steffers: I LOVE YOU MAX!!! YOU'RE SO SMART!!!  
  
Maxwell: You know, I just read it out of the book.  
  
Steffers: SO WHAT?! YOU'RE STILL THE SMARTEST LITTLE HAMSTER THAT EVER WALKED THE EARTH!!!  
  
Maxwell: Um...thanks.  
  
Steffers: WAKE UP GENIE, WE HAFTA DIG A HOLE!!!  
  
Genie: ACK!  
  
Steffers: Sorry. @_@  
  
Genie: 0015 WAKE UP WE HAFTA DIG A HOLE!  
  
0015: ACK!  
  
Genie: Sorry...  
  
0015: BOSS WAKE UP WE HAFTA DIG A HOLE!  
  
Boss: ACK!  
  
0015: Oh shut up and dig.  
  
Boss: Okay, okay, I'm digging...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~17 hours later (hey, I like that number)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: Phew...gettin' kinda hot...  
  
Evil satanic voice: WHO GOES THERE?!  
  
0015: I'm hamster 00cyborg 0015. And these are my friends, the Ham-Hams, the other hamster 00cyborgs, and Genie and Steph.  
  
*from the shadows appears a dark figure...you guessed it, the Devil himself! ACK!*  
  
Devil: Hmm...I see...wait a moment...*consults a day planner* Hold on, hold on, hold on, none of you were supposed to die today.  
  
0015: We're not dead, mate. We're here to see Ghetto Melon.  
  
Devil: GHETTO MELON?! WHO THE HELL (A/N: aren't I witty?) WOULD WANT TO SEE HIM?!  
  
Genie: Well, see, it's a long story...  
  
Steffers: Long story short, we need to see him and can you get him for us?  
  
Devil: YOU MUST BE CRAZY! EVEN I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO NEAR THAT FRUIT AGAIN!!!  
  
Genie: Can you at least tell us where we could find him?  
  
Devil: Er-hem...down that hall, third door on the left.  
  
0015: Thanks.  
  
Devil: Oh, and uh...there are some really evil people down here, in case you hadn't figured that out - besides me, of course - and you might want to keep your guard up...  
  
Genie: Uh...thanks for the warning.  
  
*SUDDENLY OUT OF NOWHERE A BIG DARK SHADOWY FIGURE APPEARS!!!*  
  
Big dark shadowy figure: MWAHAHAHAHAHA PFTHPH!!! YOU HAVE WANDERED MOST UNFORTUNATELY INTO THE REALM OF BLACK GHOST, PFTHP!!!  
  
Genie: Black Ghost?!  
  
Steffers: He sounds like Spat.  
  
0015: He IS Spat.  
  
Black Ghost: FEAR ME STUPID MORTALS, PFFTPH!!! OR FACE MY WRATH, PFTPH!!!  
  
0015: All for fearing him, say aye.  
  
*silence*  
  
0015: All for facing his wrath?  
  
Everyone: Aye.  
  
0015: Alright, Black Ghost, bring it on!  
  
Black Ghost: You asked for it, pfftpthh!!! *starts forming a giant purple ball of extreme dark power!*  
  
Genie: I don't know if this is a good idea.  
  
0015: She'll be right. 0014 and the 0010s can take him down.  
  
Genie: Who'll be right?  
  
0015: She'll be right - it's an Australian phrase. It means it'll be okay.  
  
Genie: Ah.  
  
0015: Okay, 0014, 0010+, 0010-, let's show this bully who's boss.  
  
Boss: I'm Boss.  
  
0015: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!  
  
0014: Way ahead of you! *she's in her Spirit mode which looks like a female Robin Hood, with long brown hair and fairy wings*  
  
0010+: We got your back.  
  
0010-: Heck yeah! Time to bust out the wand! *he pulls out his wand and points it at Spat*  
  
0014: Good idea...D-Tector Time! *pulls out her wand* And now...NATURE'S FURY!!!  
  
Black Ghost: Oh ppffthp.  
  
*a giant tornado-y thing comes out of the end of 0014's wand and attacks Spat*  
  
Black Ghost: PPFFTHHHPPPPTT!!! (translation: OOWWWWW!!!! CRAP!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!)  
  
0014: Hahaha! Take that, evil demon!  
  
0010-: Nice going. Now it's my turn! *the end of his wand starts to glow and shoots out a powerful beam, knocking Spat backwards* Now finish him, 0010+!  
  
0010+: Ok...let's see...I know! I'll summon the fire guardian!  
  
0014: Well, while you're concentrating on that...POKeBALL, GO! *hurls a pokeball at Spat; it falls on the ground with an empty 'clunk'*  
  
Black Ghost: Uh...you trying to catch me or something, ppfthph?  
  
0014: Wait wait wait, I didn't mean to throw the empty one - hold on, lemme just find my Dragonite...  
  
0010+: I HAVE SUMMONED THE FIRE GUARDIAN TO DESTROY BLACK GHOST!!! FIRE GUARDIAN, UNLEASE YOUR POWER!!!  
  
*a little spark flies out of the air, lands next to Spat and then disappears*  
  
0010+: Wow...guess I need to work on my summoning skills...  
  
0014 and 0010-: -_-  
  
Black Ghost: FOOL! MWAHAHAHAHHA PFFTHP!!! NOW TASTE MY POWER!!! *shoots his dark power at them, which causes a ginormous explosion, sending 0014, 0010- , and 0010+ flying* MWAHAHAHAHAH PPFFTHP!!!  
  
0015: OH NO!!! ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT??  
  
0014: Urrgggghhhh....*faints*  
  
0015: OH NO!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE!!!  
  
*0010+ and 0010- are also knocked out*  
  
Genie: Now what? DO SOMETHING 0015!!!  
  
Steffers: Heehee...  
  
Genie: What's so funny?  
  
Steffers: I was just thinking about Maxy-kun and Sandy-chan making out...  
  
Genie: -_-  
  
Sandy&Max: O_o  
  
Genie: MOVING ON...  
  
Steffers: HEHEHE!!! That was HOT!  
  
Sandy&Max: -_O  
  
Genie: STOP IT RIGHT NOW, LET'S KEEP THIS FIC AT A PG RATING OK???  
  
Steffers: What? It IS hot. We're in hell.  
  
Genie: -_______-  
  
0015: You know, we just MIGHT want to figure out what to do about Spat...  
  
Black Ghost: IT'S NO USE!!! YOU HAVE BEEN DEFEATED, PFFTPTTHH!!!  
  
Mysterious voice: NOT IF WE CAN HELP IT!!!  
  
Genie: Who was that?  
  
0015: Who knows?  
  
Steffers: Heheheh...Sandy and Max, sittin' in a -  
  
Genie&0015&Sandy&Max: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Steffers: Sorry! @_@  
  
Mysterious Voice: YAMIES TO THE RESCUE!!!  
  
Genie: Heke? (A/N: I've always wanted to say that!)  
  
*three figures appear and introduce themselves...*  
  
First yami: WE'RE THE YAMIES HERE TO KICK BLACK GHOST'S BUTT!!! I'm May- Nila.  
  
Second yami: I'm Tume-Harry.  
  
Third yami: I'm Yami-Yugi.  
  
All three: AND WE'RE HERE TO KICK BLACK GHOST'S BUTT!!!  
  
Genie: You already said that.  
  
May-Nila: TOO BAD! CUZ HERE WE GO!!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!  
  
Genie: Uh...  
  
May-Nila: I SAID, ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!  
  
Genie: Uh...yeah?  
  
May-Nila: GOOD! CUZ HERE WE GO!!! *she whips out a wand, and the other two follow suit*  
  
Tume-Harry: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!!! *Spat goes completely stiff* (A/N: You can tell I read Harry Potter, no?)  
  
Yami-Yugi: Alright, I got 'im now! *shoots a blast of energy out of the end of his wand, which explodes in Spat's face* I'll let you finish him, May.  
  
May-Nila: Thanks, Yugi. *she summons as much energy as possible into the end of her wand, then shoots it at Spat, who goes flying*  
  
Yami-Yugi: Our work here is done.  
  
Tume-Harry: See you!  
  
May-Nila: Maybe in another chapter or something.  
  
Everyone else: BYE!!!  
  
*The Yamies disappear*  
  
Genie: That was lucky.  
  
0015: Yep. Okay, let's see, he said third door on the right, right?  
  
Genie: Um.I think.  
  
0015: *starts opening door* Well here we - AAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
Genie: Huh?  
  
0015: WRONG DOOR WRONG DOOR WRONG DOOR!!!  
  
Genie: Whaddaya mean?  
  
0015: You do NOT want to go in there?  
  
Genie: Why not? *starts opening door*  
  
0015: I'M WARNING YOU!!!  
  
Voice from behind door: I love you, you love me, we're a happy family with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you -  
  
Genie: ACK! BARNEY THE DINOSAUR AND FRIENDS!!!  
  
0015: I WARNED YOU!!!  
  
Steffers: Heheheh.  
  
Genie: STEPH, STOP IMAGINING MAX AND SANDY MAKING OUT!!!  
  
Steffers: I'm not.I was thinking about that time we cremated Barney.remember?  
  
Genie: Oh yeah.I guess that's how he got here.  
  
Barney: Come play with me, little hamsters! We can play make believe!  
  
Genie: Let's make believe you're DEAD!  
  
0015: He is.  
  
Genie: Oh yeah.  
  
Steffers: SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING!!!  
  
Genie: Ah, yes, I knew this would come in handy.BANANA OF DOOM!  
  
Steffers: You brought that thing?  
  
Genie: Yeah, I thought we might need it. *points the Banana of Doom at Barney* FREEZE, PURPLE SCUM!!!  
  
Cappy: NOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Genie: Cappy, what's wrong? I wasn't talking to you.  
  
Cappy: MY HAT!!! THAT'S MY HAT!!!  
  
Genie: What are you talking about?  
  
Boss: I think he wants the banana.  
  
Genie: For a HAT?  
  
Boss: Yeah, remember last chapter, when he put it on his head? I think he became emotionally attached to it.  
  
Cappy: GIVE ME THE HAT!!!  
  
Genie: But I need the Banana of Doom to destroy Barney.  
  
Cappy: *now foaming at the mouth* AAARGGHHHHH!!! *leaps at Genie and grabs the Banana of Doom and puts it on his head* There, much better.lovely lovely hat.  
  
Steffers: Now how are we gonna get rid of Barney?  
  
0015: Don't worry about him, I found Ghetto Melon. It was third door on the LEFT, silly me.  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo yo my homies, what it is?  
  
Genie: Er.  
  
Steffers: Ugh.  
  
0015: Come on, let's just take him and get out of here.  
  
Genie: Okay.*picks up Ghetto Melon*  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo! About time my homies came and rescued me, foshizzle.  
  
Genie: -____-  
  
Steffers: We should turn him into our personal slave after this!!! @_@  
  
Genie: Good idea!  
  
0015: HURRY UP YOU GUYS!!! WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED!!!  
  
Genie&Steffers: WHAT?!  
  
Barney: Give me a hug!!!  
  
Everyone: AAAAARRGGGHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Genie: RUN FOR IT!!!  
  
003: AHHHH!!! HELP!!!  
  
Barney: What's wrong, little cyborg? *he's hugging 003*  
  
009: OH NO YOU DON'T, UGLY PURPLE THING!!! UNHAND HER THIS INSTANT!!!  
  
Barney: I'm only giving her a little hug.  
  
009: ARGH!!! *finds a random baseball bat and whacks Barney over the head with it*  
  
Barney: Wow.look at all the pretty little birdies.*faints*  
  
003: Thanks a bunch, 009!  
  
009: No prob.  
  
003: I.I.*hugs him*  
  
009: *blushes*  
  
Everyone: Awwwww.  
  
003: Oh shut up, let's get out of here.  
  
Howdy: Hey, can I lead the expedition out of hell?  
  
Genie: Howdy, the day I trust you with ANYTHING important will be the day hell freezes over.  
  
0015: Man, is anyone else getting hot? Lucky think I have these powers.*waves her paw and everything turns to ice*  
  
Genie: o_O  
  
Howdy: Haha! Does this mean I can-  
  
Genie: FINE, Howdy, you can lead us out.  
  
Howdy: YAY!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~17 hours later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Howdy: This don't look familiar.  
  
0015: Great, just great.Genie, why'd you let him take over for me?  
  
Genie: Well see, I told him that the only way I would let him was if hell froze over.  
  
0015: -__-  
  
Steffers: I could be wrong, but there might be a way out over by that exit sign.  
  
Everyone: o_O WHERE?!  
  
Steffers: Over there.*points* We've passed it like 27 times.  
  
0015: WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT BEFORE?!  
  
Steffers: .I dunno.  
  
Genie: Well come on.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Finally out of hell~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Genie: Phew.that was.interesting.  
  
Ghetto Melon: Foshizzle yo.  
  
Genie: -_-  
  
009: Hey.003.  
  
003: Yes?  
  
009: Well.I was just wondering.  
  
003: I love you, 009.  
  
009: Really? *dreamily* I.love you too.  
  
003: What were you going to ask me?  
  
009: Actually, I .see.  
  
0015: He wants to marry you.  
  
009: HEY!!! YOU RUINED IT!!! AND WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION ANYWAY?!  
  
0015: Sorry, sorry.I used my psychic powers to tell that you were going to propose to her, but it seemed like you would never be able to get the words out so I decided to help you out.  
  
009: sigh.  
  
003: YES!!!  
  
009: What?  
  
003: YES!!!  
  
009: You mean, you will?  
  
003: How many times to I have to say YES?!  
  
009: Oh man.this is great.^^  
  
008: I couldn't help overhearing that you-  
  
003: Yes, 008, you can be our minister.  
  
008: Yay! A-heh.do you, 009, take 003 to be your lawfully wedded wife?  
  
009: I do.  
  
008: And do you, 003, take 009 to be your lawfully wedded husband?  
  
003: I do I do I do!!!  
  
008: In that case.I now pronounce you ham and wife! You may kiss the bride.  
  
*They kiss*  
  
Everyone: Awwwww.  
  
If I left out anyone's ideas they sent me, I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO!!!  
  
Oh yeah, and Animegirl0014 - when I went back and read this I noticed I made you sound kinda bossy in a few places.I didn't mean to do that either, I swear!!! Please forgive me!!!  
  
Also, if you guys wanna be in more chapters tell me!  
  
And if anyone else wants me to put them in it, just tell me.  
  
Oh yes, and xxjinglexx, hopefully we'll find out Boss's crush next chappie! I couldn't find a way to work it into this one.and yes, I would like to see some of your scripts! Send them to me at Geniemaster101@aol.com!!! I could just email you and tell you that - well, if you don't reply to this then I will.  
  
Also, I would be very obliged if you would all visit my website at olovers!!! It's kinda crappy right now.but oh well.  
  
Finally, send me your reviews and ideas for the next chappie! Hugz for everyone who does! (the chocolate kind)  
  
Oh yes, and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!! Make it a resolution to review all the chapters of all my fics! jk 


	8. You're under arrest! Or something

Welcome once again to the realm of "THE UNTOLD HAMTARO!!!" Yes, I know, it's been a long long long long long long time since the last chappie of this fic, so I throw myself at your feet and beg for mercy. Don't throw rocks at me! Please, anything but that!  
  
Cricket: You're getting WAY off track. Can we PLEASE get to the fic?  
  
Genie: Yeah no prob...hey wait, I thought you were in Iraq.  
  
Cricket: Uh, they caught Saddam a long time ago. Now I have nobody to annoy.  
  
Genie: GO FIND OSAMA THEN  
  


* * *

  
Cricket: Okay, okay, sheesh. *catches the next flight to Iraq*  
  
Genie: Okay, now, real quick before I start the fic, a couple announcements:  
  
1. New peeps in this chappie!!! As they have requested, Steph and 0015 (Animegirl0014, now known as Cyborgirl0016) will continue to be in this fic, and now they will also be joined by fans Nonno, Panda Girl, Kirbykat and Tian Sirki (as the Flying Hamster of Doom). AND Cyborgirl0016 is now also Cyborgirl0016 and hamster 00cyborg 0016 in the fic. Although I promise I'll have more of the Ham-Hams and less of the cyborgs from now on, Panda Girl! Although they will still be in the fic, Cyborgirl0016, don't worry  
  


* * *

  
2. Thanks to ALL who gave me ideas for this chappie: Nonno (who practically wrote the script for me!), Panda Girl, Kirbykat, Tian Sirki, Cyborgirl0016 - oh wait, it's all the same people that I just mentioned who are gonna be in this chappie! Oh well, anyhow...  
  
3. Congrats to Hushi for getting the horror movie reference!!! A little late, yes, but you are exactly correct and still deserve a shout-out. BIG FAT OL' SHOUT-OUT TO HUSHI!!!! YAY  
  


* * *

  
4. And...oh, that's all the announcements, now on with the fic!  
  
~  
  
*The story thus far (just thought I'd include this since it's been so long since the last chappie): Herbert and Jingle have been convicted of the murder of Ghetto Melon, the cantaloupe who simply wouldn't shut up, and so the Ham-Hams decided to go to hell to retrieve Ghetto Melon since their seance failed horribly. Now they are going to interrogate Ghetto Melon in order to find out what REALLY happened and, hopefully, get Herbert and Jingle off the hook.*  
  
Genie: *holding Ghetto Melon* Okay, you horrible excuse for a piece of fruit, who killed you, how, and why?  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo, my homies, what it is? Someone busted some caps in my head, man!  
  
Genie: So what you're saying is, someone shot you?  
  
Ghetto Melon: Straight trippin' yo.  
  
Genie: Well, who was it?  
  
Ghetto Melon: Uh...  
  
*47 minutes later*  
  
Ghetto Melon: It was HIM!  
  
Genie: Who?  
  
Ghetto Melon: The orange one!  
  
Hamtaro: Who, me?  
  
Ghetto: Foshizzle, dawg.  
  
*Everyone gives Hamtaro that annoyed / suspicious / exasperated look*  
  
Hamtaro: No, wait! I swear it wasn't me! That stupid melon is a filthy liar!!! YOU MORON!!! *grabs Ghetto Melon and throws him back into hell*  
  
Ghetto Melon: AAAAaaaaaahhhhh...*voice dramatically trails off*  
  
Boss: Well if it wasn't you, then how do you explain THIS?! *grabs Hamtaro's paw*  
  
Hamtaro: Explain...what?  
  
Boss: Cantaloupe seeds on your paws  
  


* * *

  
Hamtaro: You're lying too. There's nothing there.  
  
Boss: That's what you WANT us to think, isn't it?  
  
Hamtaro: *sweatdrop*  
  
Bijou: I believe Hamtaro! I know he could never do something like that!  
  
Hamtaro: Thanks Bij. *blushes*  
  
Bijou: In fact, I think it must have been...HOWDY!  
  
Everyone: GASP!  
  
Howdy: WHAT?! How could you just throw the blame on me? What makes you think I killed him?  
  
Bijou: The writing's on the wall, apron boy.  
  
Howdy: What did you call me? *he gets one of those little pulsating anger marks on his forehead*  
  
Bijou: Is it not obvious? Ghetto Melon was such a loud mouth, always trying to make himself seen, right? And you, always having to be in the center of the spotlight with your crummy jokes and stupid one-liners, couldn't take it, could you? So you killed him.  
  
Boss: That's a pretty valid argument, you've gotta admit.  
  
Howdy: NO IT'S NOT!!! AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY IT'S NOT!!! I KNOW WHO THE REAL KILLER IS  
  


* * *

  
Bijou: Okay, who?  
  
Howdy: None other than...DEXTER  
  


* * *

  
Everyone: GASP  
  


* * *

  
Dexter: ME?! WHERE D'YOU GET THAT IDEA?!  
  
Howdy: I know you did it! I saw you do it!  
  
Dexter: Did not!  
  
Howdy: Did too.  
  
Dexter: Not.  
  
Howdy: Too.  
  
Dexter: Apron-boy.  
  
Howdy: AAARRRGHHHH!!! *starts pulling his own fur out*  
  
Genie: Someone better do something. Howdy's molting.  
  
Dexter: Well, I'll tell you who I think killed him. I'll bet it was Maxwell.  
  
Everyone: GASP  
  


* * *

  
Maxwell: Wha-huh??? Why me?!  
  
Dexter: Don't kid yourself. We all know how much you hate melons.  
  
Maxwell: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!  
  
Dexter: Yep. Melon hater.  
  
Maxwell: But it couldn't have been me because it was Steph  
  


* * *

  
Everyone: GASP  
  


* * *

  
Steffers: YAY  
  


* * *

  
Genie: Why are you so happy? *sweatdrop*  
  
Steffers: Cuz I haven't been in this chapter yet till now  
  


* * *

  
Genie: Then you did kill Ghetto Melon?  
  
Steffers: Heavens, no. It was you.  
  
Everyone: GASP  
  


* * *

  
Genie: WHAT?!  
  
Steffers: It figures. I mean, you hated him more than anyone, if you ask me. So you did away with him. I mean, you are the writer of this fic and all. So you can do whatever you want.  
  
Genie: Now that's not fair! I hated him, yeah, but I didn't kill him! I'm not a murderer!  
  
Steffers: SURE you're not...*rolls eyes*...  
  
Genie: *sigh* But I swear it wasn't me...If I had to guess, I'd say it was Boss...  
  
Everyone: GASP  
  


* * *

  
Boss: Er-uh-what? Whaddaya mean, me? How d'you...what...hey...  
  
Genie: Yes, I'll bet it was you, Boss. I mean, at his funeral, you're the one who said he was annoying and all...and then you spit on his grave...well probably, I mean I didn't SEE you do that or anything...but we all know you were out to get him from day one...am I right or am I right?  
  
Hamtaro: Uhhmmmm...Genie?  
  
Genie: What?  
  
Hamtaro: Who're you talking to?  
  
Genie: Whaddaya mean, who am I - hey! Where's Boss?!  
  
Steffers: He ran off.  
  
Maxwell: Houston, we have our culprit.  
  
*Everyone gives Max a funny look*  
  
Maxwell: What?  
  
Boss: *from off in the distance* HAHAHA SUCKERS!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE  
  


* * *

  
Genie: What now?  
  
Steffers: I say we take him alive.  
  
Genie: Okay, you got any ideas?  
  
Steffers: Uhhhhh.... *drools*  
  
Stan: You're all hopeless. If you're gonna catch a criminal you hafta do it the right way.  
  
Genie: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Stan: You hire a professional stalker to do the job.  
  
Genie: Okay. Fine. Will do - as soon as you find a 'professional stalker' somewhere.  
  
Stan: Alright! I think I still have her number somewhere...  
  
Genie: Her...? Who?  
  
Stan: Oh, right, sorry. My old college roommate, Nonno. She's a professional stalker if I ever saw one. Got herself a license and everything.  
  
Genie: *is impressed*  
  
Stan: *pulls a piece of paper out of his ear* Yeah, here we go...hey sis, can I borrow your cell?  
  
Sandy: *talking on cell phone* Yeah...omg, really?! What did he say?! You're kidding!  
  
Maxwell: She's talking to 003. She's on her honeymoon with 009 in New York, remember?  
  
Stan: SANDY  
  


* * *

  
Sandy: Darn it, I gotta go...yeah, my stupid brother wants to use my phone...you'll have to give me all the details later, mmmkay? Like, talk to ya later! *hangs up* Fine, Stan, just interrupt my VERY IMPORTANT call so YOU can use MY phone...  
  
Stan: Important?  
  
Sandy: YES, she was telling me about this cute little Italian restaraunt that has the BEST pasta ANYWHERE...  
  
Stan: *sweatdrop* Well look, I gotta call up Nonno so she can track Boss down for us, OKAY?!  
  
Sandy: Whatever.  
  
Stan: *dials* Hello...Nonno? This is Stan. From college, remember? You don't. You know, tiger stripes, heart-meltingly handsome, threw all those cool parties? Still not ringing a bell? Come on, girl! I even went to that dance with you, remember? Yes...no...no, you're thinking of Chris P. Bacon. STOP LAUGHING!!! Well anyway, d'you think you could stalk someone for me? Yes, it's important. Okay. Nonno? ...Nonno? You there? Dang, I think I got disconnec-  
  
Nonno: HI STAN  
  


* * *

  
Stan: Wha- Nonno! You're here already?  
  
Nonno: Yeah, I took the express train. *rubs her paws together excitedly* Alrighty then, who am I hunting down today?  
  
Stan: Do you remember me now, babe?  
  
Nonno: Of course! I was just kidding on the phone. How could I forget a cutie like you?  
  
Stan: *blushes* Well, I do have a memorable face, don't I?  
  
Sandy: Don't flatter yourself, bro. She probably remembers you from that time you got caught tp-ing your psychology professor's house and he made you clean his toilet.  
  
Stan: I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?!  
  
Sandy: You used to tell me everything.  
  
Stan: Uh...ANYWAY!!! Nonno, the dude I need you to stalk is named Boss, and-  
  
Nonno: Boss?!  
  
Stan: Yeah...why? You know him?  
  
Nonno: Oh...uh...well I mighta met him once...*thinking* Dear, sweet Boss...  
  
Stan: Anyhow, we're pretty sure he killed Ghetto Melon, so we gotta catch him in order to prove Herbert and Jingle's innocence, mmmkay?  
  
Nonno: Boss KILLED someone?!  
  
Stan: We're talking about Ghetto Melon here. It was more like a heavenly blessing than a crime. But we still gotta get Herbert and Jingle out of the slammer, if you're willing to take him on.  
  
Nonno: Right. I'm on it. *sneaks off after Boss*  
  
Stan: *smiling very self-satisfiedly* See? We'll have him in no time.  
  
Sandy: Can I have my cell phone back?  
  
Genie: Someone tell Howdy to stop ripping his fur out now.  
  
Steffers: LALALALA COCONUTS  
  


* * *

  
*everyone stares at her*  
  
Steffers: What? I hadn't said anything in a long time.  
  
Mysterious Voice: Did someone say...COCONUTS?!  
  
*a coconut falls out of the sky and hits Genie on the head*  
  
Genie: OW! Hey, what was that?!  
  
*a hamster floats down from the sky and lands next to her*  
  
Flying Hamster: Fear me!!! I am the Flying Hamster of Doom!!! And I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city  
  


* * *

  
*everyone gets a sweatdrop*  
  
Steffers: Hey uh...your name tag says 'Tian Sirki.'  
  
FHOD: Uh...what? What- oh. Um...ignore that. Wait - hold on. *whips out a black magic marker, crosses out 'Tian Sirki' and writes 'Flying Hamster of Doom.'* There we go. NOW I shall rain coconuts on your pitiful city. MWAHAHAHA!!! *throws a coconut at Oxnard*  
  
Oxnard: GAAAHHH!!! *ducks and the coconut hits Penelope*  
  
Penelope: OW!!! HEY!!! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE THROWING THEM THINGS  
  


* * *

  
*everyone just stands there staring at her*  
  
Penelope: Oh...uh...what I meant was...a-hem...Ookwee  
  


* * *

  
Pashmina: Atta girl.  
  
Oxnard: Precious food...*starts eating the coconut*  
  
*Suddenly the monkey cops appear out of nowhere*  
  
MC1: We're on a mission  
  
MC2: And we cannot fail  
  
MC3: To find those two convicts  
  
MC4: That broke out of jail!  
  
Hamtaro: You mean Herbert and Jingle? They broke out???  
  
MC1: One was a pig  
  
MC2: And one had cool hair  
  
MC3: Now you must tell us  
  
MC4: If you've seen them somewhere!  
  
Genie: Actually, no...but they're innocent! We know who really killed Ghetto Melon!  
  
MC1: To add to our sorrow,  
  
MC2: To add to our gloom,  
  
MC3: Someone also has stolen  
  
MC4: The Banana of Doom!  
  
Genie: Oh...that...yeah...well I sorta found it by accident...I think it's here somewhere...hold on...darn it...any of you guys seen the Banana of Doom?  
  
FHOD: I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom.  
  
Genie: Yes, yes, we all know that...  
  
Hamtaro: Maybe Cappy has it. He was in love with it and all.  
  
Genie: Where's Cappy?  
  
Hamtaro: Duuuuuhhhhh....*drools*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse  
  


* * *

  
*Cappy's holding the Banana of Doom in his arms*  
  
Cappy: Oh, my darling...you are so lovely...so beautiful...oh stop it, you're the cute one! You flatter me...I love you more than all of my hats combined...you are my light and my love...kiss me, dear...dear...dear...uh...you don't have a name, do you? I can't call you Banana of Doom...  
  
Banana of Doom: ...  
  
Cappy: Yes, yes, Adrienna! Such a lovely, lovely name...  
  
Adrienna: ...  
  
Cappy: Oh my...oh my...I have a very strong urge to...to...to peel you...  
  
Adrienna: ...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Uh...wherever everyone else was a moment ago  
  


* * *

  
Genie: Okay, look, Monkey Cops. I'm not sure what happened to the Banana of Doom, but Herbert and Jingle are innocent and if you give Nonno a little time she's gonna catch the real culprit, okay?  
  
MC1: We are not about to leave  
  
MC2: Till we get our banana back  
  
MC3: If you don't hand it over now  
  
MC4: We'll call our boss to attack!  
  
Genie: ...Boss?  
  
Steffers: *whispering* Are you sure you don't know where the banana is?  
  
MC1: *whips out a whistle and blows it really loud* PURPLE MONKEY ATTACK  
  


* * *

  
Everyone: GASP!  
  
*a giant purple monkey cop jumps out of the bushes*  
  
Purple Monkey Cop: AAARRRGGHHHH!!! I AM THE BOSS OF THE MONKEY COPS!!! THE ONE THAT SIMPLY CAN'T BE STOPPED  
  


* * *

  
Steffers: HELP  
  


* * *

  
Genie: I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE BANANA OF DOOM IS  
  


* * *

  
FHOD: Doom doom doom doom doom!!! *throws a coconut at the purple monkey cop*  
  
Purple Monkey Cop: OW!!! NOW, FOOLISH HAMSTERS, YOU SHALL PAY!!! BELIEVE ME, YOU SHALL RUE THIS DAY  
  


* * *

  
*suddenly Cappy appears out of nowhere*  
  
Cappy: Hi guys! Guess what? Me and Adrienna are eloping!  
  
Hamtaro: Who the heck is Adrienna?  
  
Cappy: My girlfriend of course!  
  
Genie: You mean that banana?  
  
Purple Monkey Cop: Eh? *sees the Banana of Doom* SO, YOU STOLE THE BANANA SOMEHOW? I DEMAND YOU GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW  
  


* * *

  
Cappy: NO!! YOU CAN'T STEAL MY LOVE!!! *runs away*  
  
*all the monkey cops chase Cappy as he runs off into the sunset*  
  
Genie: Well. That was interesting.  
  
FHOD: Doom. *throws a coconut at Genie*  
  
Genie: *clonk* Ow.  
  
*just then another hamster falls out of the sky and lands next to the Flying Hamster of Doom*  
  
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: AH! THERE YOU ARE, TIAN SIRKI  
  


* * *

  
FHOD: Don't call me that!!! I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom and you know it  
  


* * *

  
Genie: Who's this?  
  
Hamster who just fell out of the sky: I'm Kirbykat!!! Nice to meet you!!! *shakes Genie's paw*  
  
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*  
  
Kirbykat: OW! HEY!  
  
FHOD: Stop annoying people.  
  
Kirbykat: You're the one throwing coconuts at people.  
  
FHOD: Hey Kirbykat.  
  
Kirbykat: Yeah?  
  
FHOD: Wanna coconut?  
  
Kirbykat: OKAY  
  


* * *

  
FHOD: *throws a coconut at Kirbykat*  
  
Kirbykat: *clonk* Ow.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere far, far away but not too far  
  


* * *

  
Nonno: *looking through binoculars* Hahaha...I've got you now, Boss...one slip and you're mine...all...mine...oh dear sweet Boss, how I long for you to be mine...  
  
Boss: Urm...I'm standing right here.  
  
Nonno: *puts down binoculars* Oops. Oh -uh - hi Boss  
  


* * *

  
Boss: You've been stalking me for like five hours.  
  
Nonno: Uh...yeah...heheheheh...  
  
Boss: Just out of curiosity...was that true, what you just said?  
  
Nonno: What I...uh...what do you mean? *puts on a very fake innocent smile*  
  
Boss: About...um...wanting me?  
  
Nonno: ..................................  
  


* * *

  
Boss: Okay, well, if you'll excuse me, I really must continue running from the law now...  
  
Nonno: NO! BOSS, WAIT!!! *falls down and grabs Boss's foot* DON'T LEAVE ME  
  


* * *

  
Boss: I'm sorry, Nonno...but I am in love with another...  
  
Nonno: I...I...I...*sob* WHO?! WHO COULD POSSIBLY LOVE YOU MORE THAN ME?!  
  
Boss: I never said she loved me.  
  
Nonno: ...  
  
Boss: It's just...I...uh.....  
  
Nonno: I'm WAITing...  
  
Boss: Okay, okay, it's Sparkle, okay?!  
  
Nonno: YOU LIKE THAT $!&@%?!  
  
Boss: Woah there.  
  
Nonno: But Boss...you...you...  
  
Boss: What?  
  
Nonno: You're...*sob*...you're under arrest.  
  
Boss: What?  
  
Nonno: I'm...sorry...*sob*  
  
Boss: How could you, Nonno?  
  
Nonno: It's my job. *whips out a pair of handcuffs and snaps them on Boss*  
  
Boss: But...I saved. I thought that meant something to you. (A/N: Have any of you seen that commercial? Heheheh...okay, if anyone knows what the commercial was for that I took that line from, tell me in your reviews and you'll get a shout-out next chapter!!! Yay  
  


* * *

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse  
  


* * *

  
*the door opens and Cappy comes in*  
  
Cappy: Isn't this great, Adrienna? Nobody would expect us to be eloping at the clubhouse! They'll never find us here!  
  
Adrienna: ...  
  
Cappy: You're right, I didn't think of that...they probably WILL be back soon...but at least we got away from the Monkey Cops!  
  
Adrienna: ...  
  
Cappy: ...I'm bored. Wanna watch Jeopardy?  
  
*Cappy's about to turn on the TV when the door opens and all the cyborgs come in*  
  
Cappy: DANGIT  
  


* * *

  
0010-: Oh man, that was awesome!  
  
0010+: Yeah, great party, 007!  
  
007: I wonder where all the Ham-Hams are...  
  
Cappy: A-HEM!  
  
008: Hey, what are you doing here, hathead? Where's everyone else?  
  
Cappy: I'm trying to elope with my girlfriend!  
  
001: Um, not to be rude or anything, but uh...what girlfriend?  
  
Cappy: Adrienna, of course! *holds up the banana*  
  
*all the cyborgs start laughing and poor naive little Cappy can't understand what's so funny*  
  
*then the door opens and SPAT comes in!! dun dun dun!*  
  
Spat: PFFTPPHTT!!! I HAVE FOUND YOU, PFTHP!!  
  
Everyone: Eh???  
  
Spat: YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DEFEAT ME, PFTPTH? WELL NOW I HAVE RETURNED TO HAVE MY VENGEANCE  
  


* * *

  
0015: Ooh, this doesn't look good. Wands out, everyone.  
  
*before anyone can attack, Spat shoots a big blast of fire out of his mouth*  
  
*0015 holds up a big shield to deflect it*  
  
0015: HOW DID HE SUDDENLY GET SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL?!  
  
*just then the door opens, and a short cyborg with black hair and pink eyes comes in*  
  
Cyborg: THERE YOU ALL ARE!!! I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU!!! And being attacked by an evil hamster returned from hell, too...looks like it's 0016 to the rescue again...  
  
Spat: Pfthph?  
  
0015: DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!! DO SOMETHING, 0016  
  


* * *

  
0016: Not until you stop bossing me around.  
  
0015: OKAY, OKAY  
  


* * *

  
0016: Hmm?  
  
0015: Okay, I'm sorry! Now PLEASE do something  
  


* * *

  
0016: Righty-o. *turns invisible*  
  
Spat: Pfpthhpphhtt??? Where'd you go, pffthph?!  
  
*suddenly a chair levitates in the air and clonks Spat over the head*  
  
Spat: PPFFTPHTTT  
  


* * *

  
0016: *invisible* Haha! That was fun! I think I'll do it again! *uses her powers to go back in time and clonk Spat over the head with the chair again*  
  
*and again*  
  
*and again*  
  
*and again*  
  
*and again*  
  
*and-  
  
0015: I think that's enough.  
  
*Spat's now fully unconscious*  
  
0016: *turns visible again* You're welcome.  
  
0015: You like to overdo it a little, don't you?  
  
0016: Hey, I just saved your butts, you should be thanking me. *suddenly a loud clap of thunder is heard outside and it starts to rain*  
  
0015: You really gotta learn to control your emotions better, 0016.  
  
0016: I know, I know. (A/N: She controls the weather with her emotions through the tiara she wears on her head)  
  
*then the door opens and another hamster comes in, completely drenched*  
  
Hamster: 0016, you turned on the rain again, didn't you?! You should start practi - woah, what happened here? *looking at Spat*  
  
0016: I saved the day, Cyborgirl0016  
  


* * *

  
Cyborgirl0016: Nice work, 0016. *gives her a noogie* Oh yeah, and the Sailor Scouts are looking for you and 0014. Or should I say Sailor S and Sailor D...  
  
0016: Huh? Oh...darn...But I'm having fun  
  


* * *

  
*then the door opens and the Sailor Scouts come in, somehow...*  
  
Sailor Scouts: Sailor S!!! Sailor D!!! We need you for our next mission!  
  
0014: Oh well...time to go! Come on, 0016.  
  
0016: Righty-o.  
  
Other cyborgs: BYE 0016 and 0014  
  


* * *

  
0014 and 0016: BYE HAMSTER 00CYBORGS  
  


* * *

  
*then the door opens AGAIN and a little fox demon comes in*  
  
*there's a brief confused silence*  
  
Fox-demon: Uh...my name's Shippo. I'm looking for my comrades. Have any of you seen a half-wolf-demon, a teenage girl, a flea and a Buddhist monk anywhere?  
  
Everyone else: *shakes head no*  
  
Shippo: Oh wow, is that a banana? I'm starving! *looking at Adrienna*  
  
Cappy: NO!!! SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND  
  


* * *

  
0016: Oh wow, I completely forgot you were here, Cappy.  
  
Cappy: So did the author. *cough* Genie *cough*  
  
Shippo: *unbeknownst to everyone else, he's just taken Adrienna and bitten her head off*  
  
Cappy: *notices that Adrienna's head has just been bitten off* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO GET MARRIED, TOO!!! *starts crying*  
  
Shippo: Oh...I thought you were joking when you said she was your girlfriend... *whips out a bandage and puts it on Adrienna's head*  
  
Cappy: *takes Adrienna away from Shippo and sticks out tongue* My poor darling...don't worry...it'll be okay...WELL EVERYONE, SO LONG!!! I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO GET MYSELF HITCHED!!! *leaves*  
  
Everyone: -_O  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wherever everyone else was  
  


* * *

  
Nonno: HEY GUYS!! I'M BACK!!! AND I CAUGHT BOSS  
  


* * *

  
Everyone: HURRAY  
  


* * *

  
Nonno: AND LOOK!!! I ALSO RAN INTO THIS ADORABLE WOLF THING!!! HIS NAME'S INU-YASHA  
  


* * *

  
Inu-yasha: Feh. Someone remind me why I'm following hamsters around.  
  
Nonno: OH YEAH, AND I MADE ANOTHER FRIEND!!! HER NAME'S PANDA GIRL  
  


* * *

  
Everyone: HI PANDA GIRL  
  


* * *

  
Panda Girl: Hamha! H-hi Panda... (A/N to Panda Girl - I'm assuming since your name is Panda Girl, Panda's your favorite, right? Or do you just like panda bears? Well anyhow, tell me if it's okay if I make you have a crush on Panda in this fic, mmmkay?)  
  
Panda: *smiles* Nice to meet you!  
  
Panda Girl: Um...just so you all know...some leprechaun's been following me around all day, and it's really scaring me, so be warned...  
  
Genie: Oh great, Lucky's at it again...  
  
Steffers: There he is! In that tree! *whips out a BB gun and shoots it at the tree, followed by the sound of someone in pain and then falling out of a tree*  
  
Steffers: Haha! Got 'im!  
  
Lucky: You didn't have to shoot me...  
  
Steffers: OH YES I DID!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!  
  
Genie: Calm down.  
  
Steffers: Sorry.  
  
Kirbykat: Hey, where'd Tian Sirki go? *a coconut falls on her head*  
  
FHOD: *flying around above them* THAT'S FLYING HAMSTER OF DOOM TO YOU!!! *then she goes and drops a whole bunch of coconuts on Lucky*  
  
Lucky: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OKAY I'LL LEAVE!!! *runs away*  
  
FHOD: And that, my friends, is how you solve your leprechaun problems.  
  


* * *

  
And that, my friends, is the story for now. As always, send me those ideas, and -  
  
Boss: Hey, how come in this chapter everyone was against me, but nobody agreed with Hamtaro in the chapter when he said we should try to catch Herbert and Jingle?  
  
Genie: Cuz you pretty much admitted it was you, doofus.  
  
Boss: Hey, don't make fun of me. I have a shovel.  
  
Genie: Good point. Okay, everyone, keep reading The Untold Hamtaro, get a good night's sleep, and tune in next time for when Boss goes to court!  
  
Boss: Dangit.  
  
Genie: Oh yeah, and I got TONS of ideas for this chapter, so if I left out anything that anyone told me, I'm sorry and just put it in your review and I'll make sure and include it next chapter. Mmmkay?  
  
(oh yeah, and remember to tell me if you know what commercial this is from: "I saved. I thought that meant something to you." Heehee...good luck!)  
  
^_^ 


	9. More stuff happens

AAARRGGGHHHH!!!! (Yellin' at myself) SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!! Well, I'm not gonna keep you waitin this time, thanks all who gave me ideas, not gonna name them all this time cuz I don't feel like it but you know who you are! So uh...uh...just read it and be happy. ^^  
  
Oh yeah – sorry – one other thing – xxjinglexx, if you're reading this, I am REALLY SORRY, I know I said I was gonna put those scripts you sent me on my website, but see what happened was I didn't get around to it for a while and I left them in my mailbox and then when I went back thy had gotten deleted! I hate it when I do that, if I read email and then press 'keep as new' to leave it in there, stupid aol will still delete them after a while – I felt so dumb and I tried emailing you about it but you didn't reply – so anyway if you're reading this please send me your scripts again and I promise I will put them up! You're not mad, are you? *puppy dog eyes*  
  
Ok, that is all, NOW read. ^^  
  
~  
  
*Boss has been arrested for the murder of Ghetto Melon and is now defending himself in court; of course, all of his friends are there to...uh...support him or something*  
  
Bailiff: All rise for the honorable judge john.  
  
*Everyone rises, john comes in and sits down at the judge's stand*  
  
Bailiff: You may now be seated. The court now calls to order the case of Ghetto Melon vs. Boss.  
  
Ghetto Melon's attorney: I would like to call my first witness to the stand, Mr. Herbert the Pig.  
  
Herbert: Oinky. *goes to the witness stand*  
  
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?  
  
Herbert: Oink.  
  
Bailiff: Good enough.  
  
GMA: Now, Mr. Herbert, could you tell us exactly where you were and what you did on the seventh of October, 1954?  
  
Herbert: Oinky oinky oink?  
  
GMA: Just answer the question.  
  
Herbert: Oinkity oink oinky oink oink oink.  
  
GMA: Uh...urm...  
  
Jingle: He said he wasn't born then.  
  
GMA: Oh...okay, then, uh, what relation have you had with the late Mr. Ghetto Melon? How did you know him?  
  
Herbert: Oinkity oinkity oink oink oinky oink oink oinkity oink.  
  
Jingle: He said he found him in a bowling ball bag inside a refrigerator when he was scavenging for food, mistook him for a bowling ball, and used him as such, then after realizing his mistake, assumed he had killed the guy.  
  
GMA: I see...so, what evidence have we to believe that it was not you but Boss who killed Ghetto Melon?  
  
Herbert: Oink oink oinkity.  
  
Jingle: He said Boss confessed of his own free will.  
  
GMA: Is that so...?  
  
Boss: OBJECTION!!!  
  
Nonno: Boss, don't you remember what I told you? "Anything you say can and will be used against you."  
  
Boss: Oh...right...dang...  
  
GMA: No further questions, your honor.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: WAIT!!! I HAVE A QUESTION!!!  
  
john: Eh? You can't ask -  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: *rushes to the front of the court where Jingle is* OHMYGOSH!! Jingle, you're my hero! OHOHOH!!! I love your mohawk! Can I pet your mohawk?  
  
john: Order, order in the court!!!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: OH SHUT UP!!! *throws a coconut at john*  
  
john: Ow...  
  
Jingle: I must say I am quite flattered, I never knew how much I mattered.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Heeheehee...*petting Jingle's mohawk* Can I have your autograph? PLEASE?!  
  
Jingle: If you would loan me paper and pen, I could give you my autograph then.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh...just a sec...KIRBYKAT!!! GET UP HERE!!!  
  
Kirbykat: What? What do you want?  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: *reaches into Kirbykat's ear and pulls out a pen and paper* Thanks.  
  
Kirbykay: Uh...  
  
Jingle: Here you go. *signs the paper*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!  
  
YAY: Huh? What?  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh? Who're you?  
  
YAY: I'm YAY!!! I'm new to the fic. Didn't you call me?  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Oh wow!!! I like meeting new people!!!  
  
john: PLEASE take your seats.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Okay, okay, okay...  
  
Kirbykat: Right then.  
  
YAY: Sorry.  
  
*they go back to their seats*  
  
john: Cross-examination may now commence.  
  
Boss: Right then. Mr. Herbert -  
  
john: Wait, wait, wait. You're representing yourself? No attorney or anything?  
  
Boss: I can represent myself just fine, thank you.  
  
john: Okay, fine, go on.  
  
Boss: A-hem. Mr. Herbert. What is the first letter of the alphabet?  
  
Herbert: Oinkity?  
  
Boss: Oinkity, eh? I see...  
  
Jingle: Actually, he was asking if you meant the Japanese alphabet or the Engl-  
  
Boss: SO, it is plain that you have very few brain cells in your skull. Am I correct in assuming this, Mr. Herbert?  
  
GMA: Objection!  
  
john: Boss, what does this have to do with anything?  
  
Boss: Uh...no further questions, your honor.  
  
john: In that case, Herbert, take a seat. Boss, you may call your first witness.  
  
Boss: Right...I call to the stand Mr. Maxwell.  
  
Maxwell: Me? But I'm not a witness, I didn't witness anything! I'm trying to stay out of this whole -  
  
Boss: *drags Maxwell to the witness stand*  
  
Bailiff: You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?  
  
Maxwell: *sigh* Yes, yes...  
  
Boss: Okay, now, uh, Max. You ever seen a talking fruit before?  
  
Maxwell: You mean before Ghetto Melon? No...I didn't think it was possible...but then, we are talking hamsters, so...  
  
Boss: AND would you have any basis for believing anything a talking fruit says?  
  
Maxwell: I...uh...I can't really answer that...I couldn't really say...  
  
Boss: IF a piece of fruit walked up to you on the street and told you the sky was falling, would you believe it?  
  
Maxwell: Well that would depend on if the sky was actually falling or not...  
  
Boss: IF there was no sign of the sky falling, would you believe a fruit that told you the sky was falling?  
  
Maxwell: I suppose not...but then if YOU told me that, I wouldn't believe -  
  
Boss: No further questions.  
  
Maxwell: *sweatdrop*  
  
john: Very good, cross-examination Mr. Ghetto Melon's Attorney?  
  
GMA: Yes, uh, Maxwell? You say you wouldn't believe a piece of fruit that told you the sky was falling?  
  
Maxwell: Well, no, if it was quite obvious that the sky WASN'T falling...  
  
GMA: And have you any reason for not wanting to believe a piece of fruit, hmm?  
  
Maxwell: Well I...it's not...I wouldn't believe ANYONE who told me the -  
  
GMA: I see, you can't come up with a reason, can you? RACIST!!!  
  
Maxwell: WHAT?! I'm not racist!!! You didn't let me finish!!! Besides, FRUIT isn't even a race, it's a kind of PLANT for crying out loud!  
  
GMA: Racist against plants, are we?  
  
Maxwell: AAARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Sandy: STOP TORMENTING HIM!!! *runs up to the witness box*  
  
GMA: Who the heck are you?  
  
Sandy: The name's Sandy, and I happen to be Maxy's wife so BACK OFF!!!  
  
GMA: Oooh, care to be my next witness?  
  
Sandy: Fine, if you'll stop asking my husband pointless questions and then twisting his answers around to make him look bad.  
  
GMA: Okay, in that case...my first question to you is...is Maxwell a good kisser?  
  
Sandy: *goes dark red* BOSS!!! AREN'T YOU GONNA OBJECT TO THAT?!  
  
Boss: Hmm? Oh...er...uh...actually...uh...mmm...I think I'll allow this one...  
  
Sandy: UURGRHHH!!! But that's a PERSONAL question! It has nothing to do with anything!!!  
  
Maxwell: Have ANY of these questions had anything to do with anything?  
  
Sandy: Good point...  
  
GMA: You gonna answer?  
  
Sandy: Okay okay okay...if you really have to know...Max is the best kisser I've ever made out with!  
  
Maxwell: *blushing* Uhmm...that's very flattering...but you've made out with other guys besides me?  
  
Sandy: You're not jealous, are you?  
  
Maxwell: Anyone I know?  
  
Sandy: Um...er...uh... IT WAS ON A FREAKIN' DARE, OKAY?!  
  
Maxwell: Wha-? Who?  
  
Sandy: NEVER MIND, FORGET IT OKAY?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Somewhere not too awfully far away~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Auntie Viv: Oh Elder-Ham, you're such a good kisser!  
  
Elder-Ham: Heheheh. *thinking: Dangit, my sweet Vivian doesn't kiss nearly as well as that other girl...what was her name? Sarah...Susan..Sappy...I dunno...*  
  
(A/N: I'm horrible, aren't I? *devilish chuckle*)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in the courtroom~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
GMA: No further questions, your honor.  
  
Boss: Well I've got a few.  
  
john: Okay, go ahead Boss.  
  
Boss: Alright, Sandy...so, do you think I killed Ghetto Melon?  
  
Sandy: Well, you said yourself that -  
  
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of person who would kill someone?  
  
Sandy: Person? No, cuz you're a hamst-  
  
Boss: LET ME REPHRASE THAT. Am I the kind of hamster who would kill someone?  
  
Sandy: Maybe someone like Ghetto Melon. You just couldn't hide how much you hated him, could you?  
  
Boss: WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO? IT'S AS IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME IN JAIL!!!  
  
Sandy: Hey, I'm not allowed to lie you know.  
  
Boss: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!  
  
john: Uhm...yeah. Maxwell, Sandy, please return to your seats. Do you have any more useless witnesses to question, Boss?  
  
Boss: Yeah...uh...let's see...I'd like to call the lovely, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous Sparkle to the stand.  
  
Sparkle: What?! I'm not supposed to be in this fanfic! I want out! You can't make me, I'm a star! Although I must admit, I am lovely, beautiful, and stunningly gorgeous...  
  
Boss: Okay, Sparkle. First of all, how close were you to the deceased?  
  
Sparkle: What? Hey, how'd I get in the witness box? This isn't fair!  
  
john: Answer the question.  
  
Sparkle: What? I didn't even know the dumb melon!  
  
john: *sigh* Boss, if she doesn't even know Ghetto Melon, how is she supposed to be a reliable witness?  
  
Boss: Well uh...Sparkle, uh...um...  
  
john: If you're not going to ask her any more questions, then -  
  
Boss: SparkledoyouthinkI'mcute?  
  
Sparkle: ...Excuse me?  
  
Boss: *deep breath* Sparkle...er...uh...do you...um...do you think I'm cute?  
  
Sparkle: WHAT?! DO YOU LIKE ME OR SOMETHING?! OH THE THOUGHT! THE THOUGHT OF GOING OUT WITH A DIRTY, SMELLY FIELD HAMSTER! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?!  
  
Boss: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! ALL MY DREAMS AND HOPES, CRUSHED! *the background turns black and he gets all icy, you know, like what happens whenever someone's dreams and hopes get crushed)  
  
Nonno: *crashes through the ceiling* AARRRGHHHH!!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM DIRTY AND SMELLY!!! YOU SHALL PAY!!! *drops a 17-ton anvil on Sparkle*  
  
Sparkle: ......ouchichi  
  
Boss: Wow....I'm not sure what to think right now...  
  
GMA: I'd like to cross-examine the witness...  
  
john: I don't think that's possible, at the moment...seeing as how she's suffering from a near-fatal concussion...  
  
*A couple of nurse hamsters rush to the scene with a stretcher and cart Sparkle away to the nearest hospital*  
  
Nonno: Well er...my work here is done. *exits through the hole she created in the ceiling*  
  
john: Er-hem...um...I think it's about time for the jury to make their verdict...  
  
Maxwell: Hold on, hold on. Out of all the witnesses that have shared their information with us, we haven't gained a single piece of evidence, either proving or disproving Boss's innocence! Are they just going to pull a verdict out of their ears, or what?  
  
*One of the hamsters in the jury reaches into a hat, pulls out a piece of paper and unfolds it*  
  
Jury hamster: Guilty, your honor.  
  
Maxwell: *sweatdrop* Somehow pulling a verdict out of a hat isn't much better than pulling it out of one's ear...  
  
john: Boss, you have been found guilty of murder in the first degree by the state of California.  
  
Boss: This isn't Californ-  
  
john: I hereby sentence you to 47 years in a state correctional facility, or twelve hours watching 'The Brady Bunch.' Your pick.  
  
Boss: I'll take the 47 years.  
  
john: Good choice. *throws a cardboard box over Boss*  
  
Boss: This is jail?  
  
john: It's temporary. Okay, boys, take 'im away.  
  
*Two police-hams carry the box with Boss inside it to a Fed-Ex truck and throw it in the back*  
  
Boss: Genie, you've got a strange imagination.  
  
Genie: *smiles* I know...  
  
*And thus Boss is carted off to jail in the back of a Fed-Ex truck*  
  
Hamtaro: Wow...things are sure gonna be different without Boss around...  
  
*Nonno crashes through the ceiling again*  
  
Nonno: Are you kidding?! You think I'm just gonna sit here while my Boss gets thrown in the slammer? No way, I'm bustin' him out myself, you'll see!  
  
Hamtaro: ...you're the one who arrested him.  
  
Nonno: What difference does it make? I still have to -  
  
Mysterious voice: Hold it right there!  
  
*everyone turns to see who the mysterious voice belongs to, and see a hamster carrying a purse, a bag of sugar, and a giant spoon, with a mushroom sitting on her head*  
  
Nonno: Who're you?  
  
Mysterious hamster: I am HUSHI THE GREAT! ME AND MY MUSHROOM SHALL RULE THE WORLD! BUT FIRST, I MUST RID IT OF YOU!!!  
  
Nonno: Eh?!! What do you have against me???  
  
Hushi: There can only be ONE girl for Boss, and that's me! Which is why I must also kill Sparkle! ERASE ALL COMPETITION!!!! BOSS SHALL BE MY PRECIOUS AND MY PRECIOUS ONLY!!! AARRRGHHHHH!!! *rushes at Nonno with her giant spoon* THIS IS FOR GHETTO MELON!!!  
  
Nonno: AAAHHHHH!!!! *leaps out of the way just in time*  
  
Hushi: DIE! DIE! DIE! *swinging the spoon at Nonno*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Hold on.  
  
Hushi&Nonno: Huh? *they freeze in place*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: You said 'This is for Ghetto Melon' like you were friends with him or something.  
  
Hushi: Yes. *sniff* Dear, departed Ghetto Melon...  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: But you're in love with Boss, who killed him.  
  
Hushi: DO YOU WISH TO DIE AS WELL?!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Well...I didn't mean...  
  
Hushi: AAARRRGHHHH!!!! *chases Nonno and Flying Hamster of Doom into the sunset*  
  
Kirbykat: *sigh*  
  
YAY: ...What's with the mushroom and the spoon and the purse and the bag of sugar anyway?  
  
Cyborgirl0016: Who knows...  
  
*just then 0016 and 0014 appear*  
  
0016: Hey everyone, we're back!  
  
0014: What's up?  
  
002: Well, let's see...Boss is doing time for killing that talking cantaloupe thing, he confessed his love to Sparkle and totally got shot down, and now two other girls are after him, one of whom is a psycho with a mushroom, a bag of sugar, a giant spoon and a purse.  
  
0014: ...Whatever you say, 002. *smacks him upside the head*  
  
Steffers: Hey guys...speaking of Sparkle, you might want to come take a look at this...*holds up one of those portable TV doohickies*  
  
Everyone: Eh?  
  
Guy on TV: Pop star Sparkle the hamster, who was rushed to the hospital earlier today after being smashed by an anvil, was just found dead after apparently being beaten with a large, blunt object...An autopsy has been requested, although experts say the object appears to have been a giant piece of silverware such as a spoon...  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
YAY: I'd say that's the work of Hushi.  
  
Kirbykat: Ya think?!  
  
Steffers: But how did she...  
  
002: It doesn't matter HOW, what matters is WHY!  
  
0016: Well, we know WHY...  
  
0014: Yeah, 002. *smacks him upside the head again*  
  
Steffers: What matters is, let's get the heck out of here before she comes after US.  
  
YAY: Good idea. TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the jail~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Guard: Boss, you have a visitor.  
  
Boss: Eh?  
  
Nonno: HI BOSS!!!  
  
Boss: Oh. Hey Nonno.  
  
Nonno: Chin up, Boss my man! I'm bustin' you out right here, right now!  
  
Guard: Um...  
  
Nonno: Right. You didn't hear that.  
  
Guard: But -  
  
Nonno: Just...uh...turn around, uh, close your eyes, plug your ears and whistle the Andy Griffith theme song to yourself, kay?  
  
Guard: Okey dokey. *turns around, closes his eyes, plugs his ears and starts whistling the Andy Griffith theme song*  
  
Nonno: Right, so like I was saying...I brought you this cake, Boss. *hands him a cake with all different kinds of blades and stuff sticking out of it in various directions* I think there's a chainsaw in there, and a flamethrower, and a few sticks of dynamite for good measure, and a bunch of other junk I found lying around...something in there oughta get you out of here...  
  
Boss: How the heck did you get this in here? Didn't they have to inspect it first or something?  
  
Nonno: Yeah, they did...but apparently none of the guards here are any smarter than that one...*points to the guard who's still whistling the Andy Griffith theme*  
  
Boss: Ah.  
  
Nonno: Well....come on, ain't got all day, let's get you out of here!  
  
Boss: Okay...let's play a little game of grab bag. *reaches into the cake and pulls out something* Okay, looks like we're trying the ol' garden hoe first.  
  
Nonno: Oh crap, that's where my neighbor's hoe went...uh, gimme that, that's not supposed to be in there.  
  
Boss: Alright...how about this axe then?  
  
Nonno: You know what, let's just cut to the chase and go straight to the flamethrower.  
  
Boss: Okay...here we go. *pulls out the flamethrower*  
  
Nonno: Gimme that. *takes the flamethrower and uses it to melt the bars of Boss's cell*  
  
Boss: Haha! Delicious freedom!  
  
Nonno: Hurrah! TO THE CLUBHOUSE!!! Everyone's gonna be so happy when I tell them how I rescued you!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
YAY: Boss is gonna be so upset when we tell him how Hushi killed Sparkle.  
  
Kirbykat: You think he still likes her even though she was so mean to him?  
  
*just then the door opens and Cappy comes in with Adrienne (the Banana of Doom, in case you've forgotten since it's been so long since last time)*  
  
Cappy: HI EVERYONE!!! GUESS WHAT?! ME AND ADRIENNE ARE OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!!  
  
Oxnard: Calm down there, soldier.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: Yeah, seriously, Cappy, we have some major issues on our hands - er, paws - right now.  
  
Cappy: Really? Like what?  
  
Maxwell: Like Boss is in jail and there's a psycho killer on the loose who wants to rule the world with her mushroom.  
  
Cappy: Ah.  
  
*then the door opens and Hushi comes in*  
  
Maxwell: Speak of the devil.  
  
Hamtaro: AHHHH!!! HOW'D YOU FIND US?!!!  
  
Hushi: Heck, I'm not after any of you anyhow...still looking for that Nonno girl...  
  
Kirbykat: Where's Tian Sirki? I mean, the Flying Hamster of Doom?  
  
Hushi: How should I know?  
  
Kirbykat: You were chasing her.  
  
Hushi: Uh...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~In an arcade on the outskirts of Memphis~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: *playing Pac-Man* DARN YOU, BLINKY!!! (A/N: For those of you who don't know, Blinky is one of the Pac-Man ghosts...I forget what color, though)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back at the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
YAY: AND you killed Sparkle, didn't you, Hushi?  
  
Hushi: Told ya I would. Now all that's left is Nonno, and then Lucky.........AND THAT BANANA!!!  
  
Cappy: WHAT?!  
  
Hushi: I HATE BANANAS!!!! DIE, BANANA!!!! *smashes Adrienne with her spoon until she is only a pile of banana glop*  
  
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt (A/N: that's the sound Cappy makes when he's having a mental breakdown)  
  
Hushi: Now, can anyone tell me where Nonno is?  
  
Everyone: Eh...  
  
Hushi: Well in that case, I'm outta here. *leaves, then pops her head back in for a second* By the way, how do you like my purse? His name's Porky the Snail!!!  
  
Everyone: Eh...  
  
Cappy: errsskkkaaahahhahdsudgsfsgutgggerettttsskkkjtggeeepppwwwrrrrrcccuuurrrhhhtt  
  
Hushi: Well, gotta go! Ta-ta! *leaves for good*  
  
Cappy: A...Adri...ennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......*starts sobbing and licking the banana glop off the floor*  
  
Oxnard: There, there, soldier.  
  
Penelope: Ookyoo. *hugs Cappy*  
  
Cappy: Eh?  
  
Penelope: *takes off her blanket* That's better, it was getting stuffy in there. NOW GET OVER THE FREAKIN' BANANA ALREADY!!! IT WAS A FREAKIN' BANANA!!!  
  
Everyone: -_O  
  
Pashmina: You can talk!  
  
Penelope: I can talk?  
  
Everyone: SHE CAN TALK!!!  
  
*cheesy music starts playing in the background like everyone's gonna start singing a really cheesy song about Penelope being able to talk, but Genie pulls the record off the record player just in time*  
  
Cappy: Penelope...you...I...ADRIENNE WAS MORE THAN A FREAKIN' BANANA!!! SHE MEANT SO MUCH TO ME!!!  
  
Penelope: *smacks him* CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, SOLDIER?  
  
Oxnard: Hey...soldier's my word...  
  
Cappy: Eh?  
  
Penelope: I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR A REALLY LONG TIME BUT THEN YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THE STUPID BANANA, AND DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE CARES MORE ABOUT A PIECE OF FRUIT THAN ABOUT YOU?!  
  
Cappy: Penny....why didn't you tell me how you felt?  
  
Penelope: Somehow I don't think 'ookyoo' could convey my feelings.  
  
Cappy: Good point.  
  
Penelope: ...So?  
  
Cappy: So what?  
  
Penelope: So...do you like me or what?  
  
Pashmina: Say yes or your favorite hat gets to take a ride on the whirling vortex of doom.  
  
Cappy: What's that?  
  
Pashmina: I'll flush it down the toilet, poo head.  
  
Howdy: Heheh. Poo.  
  
Cappy: Oh, well in that case yes.  
  
Penelope: OOKWEEE!!!! That is to say, YAY!!  
  
YAY: Huh?  
  
Penelope: Sorry.  
  
YAY: What?  
  
Penelope: Never mind.  
  
YAY: I get that a lot...  
  
*A few moments pass in utter silence*  
  
Kirbykat: So.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: Hmm.  
  
YAY: Bored...  
  
Steffers: This IS boring...I mean, Nonno's got the whole breaking-Boss-out- of-jail thing under control, so what are we supposed to do in the meantime?  
  
Genie: I KNOW!!!  
  
Everyone: What?  
  
Genie: LET'S PLAY THE PAY GENIE A HUNDRED BUCKS GAME!!!  
  
Everyone: SHUT UP!!! *trap Genie in a wine glass*  
  
Genie: Hey...I was just kidding...lemme out!!! How the heck did I fit in here anyway?  
  
Steffers: We're hamsters, remember?  
  
Genie: So is this a regular wine glass or hamster-sized?  
  
Steffers: Regular, dimwit.  
  
Cappy: AHHHH!!! WHERE'D ADRIENNE GO??!!!  
  
Panda: I thought you were done licking her off the floor so I scraped her up and threw her away.  
  
Cappy: NOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Penelope: I told you to get over it, loser!!! *bashes him over the head with his own pot*  
  
Pashmina: Atta girl. Gotta show your guy who's boss. Be in control. Right, Dexter?  
  
Dexter: Eh?  
  
Pashmina: I SAID...*cracking her knuckles* RIGHT, DEXTER?!  
  
Dexter: Yes ma'am.  
  
*Just then, Jingle appears at the door*  
  
Jingle: HEY GUESS WHAT!!!  
  
Everyone: Eh?  
  
Jingle: THERE'S A MIME OUT THERE!!!! A REAL LIVE STREET MIME!!!!  
  
Everyone: SWEEEEEEET!!! *they all rush out to see the mime*  
  
Genie: Uh...little help? *still trapped in a wine glass*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At some per shop somewhere~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hushi: Okey dokey, let's see...*puts her bag of sugar on the counter* You got any goldfish here?  
  
Guy behind counter: *eyeing the bag of sugar* Yes ma'am we do.  
  
Hushi: Any that eat leprechauns?  
  
Guy: Not sure about that...  
  
Hushi: Hmm...what do you think, sugar bag? *puts her ear next to the bag of sugar* Okay, good idea. We'll take your biggest, scariest goldfish.  
  
Guy: Yes ma'am. Here ya go. *hands her a small tank with a goldfish in it that's about as big as a quarter*  
  
Hushi: THIS THE BIGGEST YOU GOT??!!  
  
Guy: Yes ma'am it is ma'am.  
  
Hushi: Hmm...  
  
Goldfish: Meow.  
  
Hushi: I'LL TAKE IT!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~On some street outside the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*the street mime is pretending to be trapped in an invisible box*  
  
Sandy: This is, like, totally awesome! I've always wanted to see a real mime!  
  
Stan: Real mime my foot. This guy's terrible. Let's throw rocks at him.  
  
YAY: Heheh! Good idea!  
  
*Stan picks up a rock and prepares to hurl it at the mime*  
  
Sandy: Stan, stop it! That's like, totally rude!  
  
Stan: Oh yeah? Watch this! *hurls the rock at the mime*  
  
Mime: PPFFPTTH!!!  
  
Stan: HA! KNEW IT! THAT'S NO MIME, IT'S SPAT!!!  
  
YAY: Stan, you're brilliant! And funny, too...^^  
  
Stan: Aww, well, thank you. Can't argue with the facts. Maybe sometime you and I could get together, hmm? Whaddaya say?  
  
Sandy: STAN!!! STOP FLIRTING AND DO SOMETHING!!!  
  
Stan: Eh?  
  
Spat: PPPFFTTHHPPHH!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THROWING THAT ROCK, FOOLISH FOOL!!! ...And how'd you know it was me, anyhow?  
  
Stan: Actually, I didn't really, I was planning on throwing the rock anyhow and happened to get lucky...  
  
Sandy: STAN!!!  
  
Maxwell: Plus the whole wings/devilish tail/pointy things on your head kinda give you away.  
  
Spat: DARN IT!!! That is to say, PPFFTHPPHHTT!!! ALL OF YOU SHALL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF MESSING WITH THE GREAT AND POWERFUL SPAT!!!  
  
Penelope: NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!!!  
  
Everyone: Eh?  
  
Penelope: Say hello to...SUPERHAMHAMGIRL!!! *her blanket turns into a cape and then she whips a glowing pink light saber-ish thingy out of nowhere*  
  
Pashmina: Wow...Penny, how come you never told me you could do that???  
  
Penelope: *sweatdrop* I couldn't talk before, remember?  
  
Pashmina: Heh...that's right.  
  
Penelope: Anyhow...PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MATCH, EVIL DOER!!!  
  
*at that moment the Flying Hamster of Doom flies onto the scene*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Haha, guess what! I got the high score on Pac-Man AND Mrs. Pac-Man! And then - OH MY GOSH!!! IT'S SPAT!!!  
  
Penelope: Yeah, we know...I'm about to take care of him though, so please, just step aside and I'll -  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: THIS IS SO COOL!!! I GET TO MEET JINGLE AND SPAT ON THE SAME DAY!!! *gives Spat a hug*  
  
Spat: PPFFTTPHHTHH!!! RELEASE ME, FOUL CREATURE, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH OOH!! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE??!!  
  
Spat: I'D RATHER EAT MY OWN TWO FEET!!!  
  
Jingle: Good one. Nice ring to it.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: OOH OOH I KNOW!!! JINGLE, COME HERE!!! *grabs Jingle and pulls him over by Spat, then stands between them* KIRBYKAT!!!  
  
Kirbykat: Eh?  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: TAKE PICTURE!!!  
  
Kirbykat: *sigh* Yes, master...*whips out a camera and takes a picture of the Flying Hamster of Doom with Jingle and Spat*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: YAY!!!  
  
YAY: WHAT??!!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Huh?  
  
YAY: *sigh* I wish everyone would stop doing that...  
  
Spat: PPFFTPPTHH!!! THE FLASH! OH, THE BLINDING, HORRIBLE LIGHT, PPFTPPTHH!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!! MUST...FLEE...PPTTHHPHHTT!!!!!!! *runs away*  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Darn.  
  
Penelope: Poop! I didn't get to use my awesome pink glowing light saber-ish thingy!!!  
  
Pashmina: Next time, Penny...next time.  
  
*just then, 003 and 009 appear*  
  
003: HI EVERYONE!!!  
  
009: What's going on here?  
  
Cyborgirl0016: Well, first of all -  
  
002: Why don't you just read the fic for yourselves, it'll be easier than us telling you everything.  
  
0014: Don't be so rude. *smacks 002 upside the head* How was the honeymoon?  
  
003: It was amazing! I've never had so much fun in my life!!! ^^  
  
009: Yeah...heheh...fun...*cough* she ran me ragged *cough*  
  
0016: Well, congrats, 009! *holds out a paw*  
  
009: Uh...thanks. *shakes paws and immediately gets shocked*  
  
0016: HAHAHA!! GOT YOU!!!  
  
009: WHAT IS THAT, ONE OF THOSE ELECTRIC HAND BUZZER THINGS??!!  
  
0016: YOU GOT IT!!!  
  
003: HAHA! She got you pretty good there, 009...  
  
009: Oh shut up.  
  
0016: Hey 003, wanna smell this flower I picked? *holds up a flower*  
  
003: OKAY! *leans into the flower and gets squirted with water*  
  
0016: HAHA!! GOT YOU TOO!!!  
  
003: Errrrrrggghhh.....  
  
009: Ya know, if you had looked a little closer, you MIGHT have been able to tell that flower's plastic...  
  
003: Oh shut up.  
  
*then Boss and Nonno appear*  
  
Boss: HI EVERYONE!! MISS ME??!!  
  
Hamtaro: BOSS!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GONER!!! *hugs him*  
  
Boss: O-kay, little too close for comfort there...and what do you mean you thought I was a goner?  
  
Nonno: Just ignore him. *whacks Hamtaro with a rubber mallet*  
  
Bijou: How did you do it, Nonno?  
  
Nonno: Well, I made this cake, see...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Nonno: Okay, let's see... *reading directions on a cake mix box* Add two cups water, one cup vegetable oil, three eggs...throw in a few explosives, some sharp pointy things for good measure -  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nonno's pointless flashback is interrupted~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Boss: Okay, shut up. Long story short, the guards were dumb and the flamethrower was powerful enough to melt the bars.  
  
*suddenly Hushi appears*  
  
Hushi: HA! I KNEW I'D FIND YOU!!! YOU MUST DIE NOW, NONNO!!! I AM THE ONLY ONE FOR BOSS!!! AND NOW I HAVE A SECRET WEAPON: MEET FANGS THE GOLDFISH!!!  
  
Nonno: Oh great.  
  
Hushi: *holds up a goldfish bowl with Fangs inside* SAY HELLO, FANGS!!!  
  
Fangs: *burps and a piece of leprechaun hat floats to the top of the bowl*  
  
Nonno: Er...what did that thing have for lunch?  
  
Hushi: HAHA!!! I TOLD YOU I WOULD GET RID OF THAT STUPID LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN!!!  
  
Steffers: Hold it right there, evil person!  
  
Hushi: Hamster.  
  
Steffers: Right. Evil hamster! Your stupid fish is no match for my turtle, Billy-Bob-Joe-Lenny-Smith-The-Turtle the 12th!!! GET HER, BILLY-BOB-JOE- LENNY-SMITH-THE-TURTLE THE 12TH!!! HAHAHA!!! THAT'S RIGHT, BITE HER LEGS OFF!!  
  
Everyone: -_O  
  
Hushi: I see no turtle here.  
  
Steffers: That's because only I can see him!  
  
Hushi: So...he's imaginary?  
  
Steffers: No...INVISIBLE! To everyone but me.  
  
Hushi: Then...why am I feeling no pain?  
  
Steffers: Because...uh...er...magic?  
  
Hushi: I will not waste my time with this. NONNO, YOU'RE MINE!!! *starts chasing Nonno*  
  
Nonno: Oh crap. *runs away*  
  
Hushi: COME BACK HERE!!! FACE THE WRATH OF MY GIANT SPOON!!!  
  
Boss: Maybe I'll just go back to jail...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Later, at 009 and 003's new deluxe three-story house~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*btw, Boss didn't go back to jail*  
  
*the phone rings*  
  
009: Honey, will you get that?  
  
003: Mmmmmkay. *picks up the phone* Hello?  
  
0016: *on the other end of the line* Is your refrigerator running?  
  
003: Uh...lemme check. SWEETIE, IS OUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING???  
  
009: YES, DEAR!  
  
003: *into the phone* Mmmmmm yep.  
  
0016: THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! *hangs up*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the clubhouse~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
0016: HAHA! That was great!  
  
Boss: How many times must I tell you NOT to use my phone for prank calls?  
  
0016: But you do it.  
  
Boss: But it's my phone.  
  
0016: Oh dang.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: What?  
  
0016: Almost forgot, I gotta go home. Next flight to Sayina for the next three years leaves in two minutes.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: TWO MINUTES??!!  
  
0016: Yeah.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: Quick, go go go!!! *shoves her out the door* Don't want you to miss it!  
  
0016: Okay, well, I guess I'll see you lat -  
  
Cyborgirl0016: *slams the door in her face*  
  
0016: - er.  
  
Cyborgirl0016: YES, she's gone!!! *to herself* Heheh, now I've got 005 all to myself...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Genie: *still trapped in a wine glass* Phew, that was one long chapter...hope you all enjoyed it! If I left out anything, any ideas any of you sent me or if I forgot to include someone in the fic that wanted to be in it, please feel free to tack a picture of my face to your wall and then throw darts at it. But be sure to aim for the eyes. Oh yeah, I guess none of you have a picture of my face, so if you would like to create a dart board with my face on it, here's what I look like: I'm Caucasian (white skin) with blue eyes and shoulder length brown hair...and that's about all I can tell you cuz I don't know how else to describe my face...ANYWAY. Flame me, yell at me, curse my soul to an eternity of suffering, just please, remember the Alamo. And tell me if I did forget anything, because that's important for me to know. Also, if you are currently a character in the fic and want to stay in the fic, I need feedback from you. So like, if you tell me you want to be in the fic, and then you don't review ever again, I'm going to stop putting you in the fic. Everyone okay with that? Okay. So far that hasn't been an issue. ^^ (ah, my loyal, adoring fans!)  
  
Next chapter:  
  
Nonno continues to be hunted down by Hushi. Who will win Boss's heart?  
  
Something a little different: the four couples (H+B, S+M, D+P, 009+003) go on the Newlywed Game! If you don't know what that is, you should watch more GSN (Game Show Network). I probably watch too much GSN, cuz I love the old game shows, and since Hamtaro doesn't come on weekdays anymore...*sorrow*...ANYHOW, what it is, is the host asks the husbands questions about their wives and vice versa, and they have to try to guess how their spouse would answer the question. Well, anyhow, if you know what I mean, or if you've seen the Newlywed Game before, give me some ideas for questions to use in the next chapter. I'll pick the best eight. ^^  
  
AND...how will Genie escape her cruel fate? *little help here?*  
  
And, of course, as always give me your ideas and I will put them to good (hopefully) use!  
  
Once again, sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It won't happen again. Hopefully.  
  
Your friend and wonderfully wise guru, the GenieMaster, signing off for now. ^_^  
  
P.S.: The next chapter(s) of Hamtaro's Extremely Demented 12 Days O' Christmas are coming soon...sorry that's takin me so long too...^^ 


	10. This calls for a round of root beers

Phew! Man, really sorry this took so long. Especially to Kirbykat, since I promised her it would be up a week ago...heheh...but anyhow. Haha, I got tons of reviews just asking me to update. And I was OVERWHELMED with all the ideas people gave me! Which is a good thing. But also, in the future, if I continue getting this many suggestions and there's not enough room for my own personal ideas, I may have to choose only the best suggestions and not use them all. But I'll do my best.   
  
Oh yes, and shout out to the people who got the question about the commercial right, it was from a Geico commercial. I actually asked that two chapters ago, but then I forgot to put the answer last chapter. Anyhow, congrats john and Sparklegirl Sassy who answered correctly. And I think someone else emailed me the answer, but I forget who it was...so, uh, my apologies and congrats to you as well, whoever it was. You can tell me in your review of this chapter or email me again and I'll give you a personal shout-out next chapter.  
  
Oh yeah, and I was gonna pick eight questions to use in the Newlywed Game from my fans, but no one gave me any ideas for questions. U And then I realized it takes a lot longer than I thought to write out the questions and responses for eight whole questions. So instead I only did two questions, one for wives and one for husbands, and then a really dumb bonus question. Heheh.  
  
Also, before I continue this fic, I want to talk about something serious. I know, I know, you've been waiting long enough for this chapter to be posted, but work with me here for just a second. Recently I received some pretty nasty flames, for this fic as well as a couple of my other fics, that said things like 'die' and 'go to hell.' Honestly, I don't know what I did to make someone say things like that to me. I have said before and will always say that I accept flames for my fics, but there's a big difference between flaming someone's fics and actually threatening the writer themselves. You can say anything you want about what I write - that's it's dumb, that you hate it, anything, and I won't care, because as long as I have at least one person reading and enjoying my fics I am satisfied. But it really, really bugs me when people say bad things about ME because of what I write. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it honestly hurts to be getting these reviews that say 'You suck, die, go to hell where you belong.' YOU CAN'T JUDGE A PERSON'S CHARACTER BY WHAT THEY WRITE. Please, if whoever sent me those flames is reading this, I want you to consider a few simple words from a beautiful song: "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me." We talk about how the war and all the killing and bad things going on in the world are so terrible, but then we do terrible things ourselves everyday, and it really comes down to the little things. If we ever want there to be peace on earth, we have to work for it ourselves. Every good deed you do each day brings the world a little closer to peace; every hateful word and action takes us one step farther from it. If I wrote anything in my fics that offended anyone in any way, please, tell me and I will fix it. But nothing in my fics is meant to be offensive to anyone, and I can't see how my writing could have possibly hurt anyone's feelings the way those flames hurt mine.  
  
Okay, I'm done being all sappy and preaching-y. Sorry about that. On with the fic.   
  
::Somewhere on the edge of nowhere::  
  
Hushi: ::Closes her eyes and holds her giant spoon out in front of her:: Powerful spirits that live on the other side, beyond the veil of time, hear my wish and grant it! Restore to this world those who may be of service to me in my quest for love and justice!  
  
::A giant flash of light appears at the end of the spoon and when it fades, Ghetto Melon, Lucky, and Barney appear out of nowhere::  
  
Hushi: Wait a minute, I didn't ask for the stupid leprechaun and dinosaur thing!  
  
Lucky and Barney: How might we be of service to you, oh beautiful highness?  
  
Hushi: On second thought, maybe this could work.  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo yo yo, wassup mama?  
  
Hushi: That's the Ghetto Melon I remember! Yes! YES! With your help I can finally conquer the world!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Er-hem. One step at a time, though, and first things first: I gotta get rid of that Nonno chick.  
  
Ghetto Melon: Foshizzle yo.  
  
Barney: Why can't we all be friends? We can sing songs together!  
  
Hushi: Shut up stupid purple...thing. Or face my spoon.  
  
Barney: Violence is never the answer! Let's all play nice.  
  
Hushi: ::smashes Barney over the head with her spoon until he's just a crumpled pile of purple::  
  
Barney: You could use some lessons in kindness!  
  
Hushi: ARGH! ::smashes him over the head again::  
  
Barney: Then again, we could just play "Everyone Follow Hushi's Orders."  
  
Hushi: Now you're getting the hang of it.   
  
Lucky: Aye. Now let's all have a bowl of Lucky Charms. They're magically deli-  
  
Hushi: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT SUGARY BREAKFAST CEREALS! ::smashes Lucky over the head as well::  
  
Lucky: Aye..  
  
::At the clubhouse::  
  
Genie: ::still trapped in wine glass:: 23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around -  
  
::There's a knock on the door::  
  
Genie: Come in.  
  
::john comes into the clubhouse::  
  
john: I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd drop in - where is everyone?  
  
Genie: I dunno.  
  
john: Why are you inside a wine glass?  
  
Genie: I dunno.  
  
john: That's pretty dumb. ::removes the wine glass::  
  
Genie: THANK YOU!!! MY HERO!!! ::hugs him::  
  
john: Righty-o...well, I best be going now...  
  
Genie: WAIT!  
  
john: What?!  
  
Genie: Since this is your only cameo in this chapter, well, besides a small bit at the end, we should at least sing a song or something!!!  
  
john: Uh...  
  
Genie: Do you know "Freak Out" by Avril Lavigne???  
  
john: Uh...  
  
Genie: TRY TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULDN'T DO, YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW I WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!!! WALK AROUND WITH MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR CUZ I DON'T CARE!!!  
  
::john quietly slips out of the clubhouse while Genie continues singing horribly::  
  
Genie: CUZ I'M ALL RIGHT, I'M FINE, JUST FREAK OUT LET IT GO!!!  
  
::then the door bursts open and Boss, Nonno, and Steffers come in::  
  
Boss: WHAT'S WRONG??!! IS EVERYTHING OKAY??!!  
  
Genie: I'M GONNA LIVE MY LIFE!!! I CAN'T EVER RUN AND HIDE, I WON'T - huh?  
  
Nonno: It sounded like someone was being murdered in here.  
  
Genie: What? Oh, that was just me singing.  
  
Everyone else: --U  
  
Steffers: I'm bored. Wonder what's on TV. ::plops down on Boss's armchair and turns on the TV:: Hey look!!! It's the Newlywed Game!  
  
Boss: Sweet, I love this show. Hey, what the - Is it just me, or do we know those people?  
  
Steffers: Hamsters?  
  
Boss: Hamsters.  
  
Steffers: Yeah, those are definitely our friends on the tube...and why the heck is Panda hosting?  
  
Panda: ::on TV:: Hello and welcome to the Newlywed Game! Today we have six cute couples here to attempt to win the extra special GRAND PRIZE!!! Our first couple is: Hamtaro and Bijou!  
  
Hamtaro: HI!!! I like game shows. I've never been on a game show before. This is a game show, right? Do I win? What do I win? What do I have to do again?  
  
Bijou: You're embarassing me.  
  
Hamtaro: I - oh. Sorry Bij. It won't happen again. I promise I'll shut up. I'm gonna be real good from now on. I won't embarass you anymore. You still love me right? I love you Bijou. We're gonna win aren't we?  
  
Bijou: PLEASE SHUT UP.  
  
Panda: Indeed...Our next couple is...uh...only half a couple...  
  
Sandy: WHERE THE $&! IS MAXWELL??!! HOW COULD I LOSE MY HUSBAND??!! HAS ANYONE SEEN MY HUSBAND??!!  
  
Panda: Kindly refrain from using profanities, please.  
  
Sandy: Er - sorry. BUT WHERE IS HE??!! AARRGGHH!!! ::hurls a chair at Panda::  
  
Panda: ::ducks:: on, our next couple is Dexter and Pashmina.  
  
Dexter: ::is asleep and also snoring quite loudly::  
  
Pashmina: WAKE UP!!! ::whacks him over the head with a frying pan::  
  
Dexter: Ow...where'd you get that??!!  
  
Pashmina: I'm not sure...but you snore like a derganed mutant cactus on steroids.  
  
Dexter: Uhhmmm...what's that supposed to mean?  
  
Panda: And our fourth couple is 009 and 003!  
  
009: Where's my cake?  
  
Panda: Uh...  
  
009: You told me there'd be cake.  
  
Panda: I...did?  
  
009: Well, SOMEone did.  
  
003: Is your head screwed on right...sweetie?  
  
009: I want my gosh darn cake!  
  
Panda: Moving right along then, let's meet Kirbykat and Spat.  
  
Spat: PPPFFTTHPPPTT!!!!! WHY AM I HERE??!!  
  
Kirbykat: BE QUIET, MUFFIN!!! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!! ::bouncing around in her seat::  
  
Spat: MUFFIN??!! WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE??!!  
  
Kirbykat: Don't you remember? We're married!!! Married, married, MARRIED!!! ::starts singing 'Here comes the bride'::  
  
Spat: PPPPFFTTPTTHH?????????!!!!!!  
  
Kirbykat: Don't you remember?  
  
Kirbykat's flashback  
  
7:00 PM the day before  
  
::Kirbykat is following Spat around::  
  
Kirbykat: HEY SPAT, CAN I -  
  
Spat: PPFTTPPTHH!!! I ALREADY GAVE YOU MY AUTOGRAPH, NOW GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!  
  
Kirbykat: Oh yeah. Well, wanna -  
  
Spat: NOOO, PPFFTTHHPPTT!!! I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY MINI GOLF WITH YOU, PPFFTTHHP!!!  
  
Kirbykat: Well, will you at least -  
  
Spat: PPPFTTHHPTHH, THE VERY LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS KISS YOU GOODBYE!!! KINDLY LEAVE ME ALONE, PPFFTHPPHHTT!!!  
  
Kirbykat: Oh come on! Pretty please? With sugar on top?  
  
Spat: NO MEANS NO, PPFTTHPPTHH!!!  
  
Kirbykat: What if I bought you a couple drinks down at the pub?  
  
Spat: Eh?? Now that's a different story, pppftthpthh...  
  
7:23 PM  
  
::At the pub::  
  
Kirbykat: Hey bartend, how 'bout a drink for my buddy here?  
  
::The bartender turns around and it is...dun dun dun...Lucky the Leprechaun!!::  
  
Kirbykat: AAAHHHHH!!!  
  
Lucky: AAAHHHH!!!  
  
Spat: Ppfffttptth??  
  
Kirbykat: HOW DID YOU COME BACK TO LIFE??!!  
  
Lucky: Hushi's magic spoon.  
  
Kirbykat: Ah...well, we'll deal with that later, right now Spat needs his al-cy-hol.  
  
Lucky: Aye. ::serves Spat up a tall cold one::  
  
7:38 PM  
  
::Spat is passed out on the floor after downing 57 drinks::  
  
Kirbykat: Thanks Lucky.  
  
Lucky: You're welcome...I mean...wait a second, I'm supposed to be helping Hushi...  
  
Kirbykat: Well, ta ta for now! ::drags Spat off to the nearest chapel::  
  
7:46 PM  
  
Priest: And do you, Spat, take Kirbykat to be your lawfully wedded wife?  
  
Spat: ::now awake but drunk as crap:: Er...::hiccup:: I errrrrr fffrrrrgggg...Yeah, wha- uuhh whatever. Jus- ...Just put it on ::hiccup:: on my, my tab...ppfttppthh...  
  
Priest: Um...  
  
Kirbykat: That was an "I do."  
  
Priest: In that case I now pronounce you man and wife. You may...uh...kiss the bride.  
  
Spat: ::falls on his face::  
  
Kirbykat: Um...I'll take care of that later...::drags Spat away::  
  
Kirbykat's flashback ends  
  
Spat: PPPFPFFFTTPHTT!!!! YOU GOT ME DRUNK SO I'D MARRY YOU??!!  
  
Kirbykat: ::smiles sheepishly:: YEP!! We got the rings to prove it!!! ::holds up her paw, showing off her wedding band:: And also I taped it!!!!  
  
Spat: YOU TAPED IT??!!  
  
Kirbykat: Yep, and you know what that means? You have to do what I say or else I can blackmail you! HAHAHAHA!!! BLACKMAIL MY OWN HUSBAND!!! HAHAHAHHAHA!!!!  
  
Spat: Dang...pffttptthh...  
  
Panda: Heh...::sweatdrop:: And our last couple, Tian Sirki and Jingle.  
  
Tian Sirki: I'm the Flying Hamster of Doom!!! GET IT RIGHT!!!  
  
Panda: Yeah. Sorry.  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: Also, please excuse Kirbykat's horrendous behavior, she's a bit high on caffeine at the moment, too much coffee before the show.  
  
Panda: Right, I could tell she seemed a bit whack.  
  
FHOD: And also, me and Jingle, we're not actually married...  
  
Panda: WHAT??!! Then what are you doing on this show??  
  
FHOD: ::shrugs::  
  
Kirbykat: She was jealous cuz I got Spat, so she took Jingle even though they're not married cuz you know how Jingle is, he'll go along with anything!!! Hahaha, stupid jealous Tian Sirki! JEALOUS! JEALOUS!!! YOU'RE SO JEALOUS!! NA NA NA NA NAAAA NA!!!  
  
FHOD: THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL!!! I'M NOT JEALOUS!!!  
  
Jingle: Don't be embarassed to say how you feel, showing your colors and keepin' it real. For you to be jealous is not a crime, even if you are jealous all of the time.  
  
FHOD: JINGLE!! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!! ::throws a coconut at him::  
  
Jingle: Ow.  
  
Panda: Indeed...well now that we have met all our couples, we'll return after these messages.  
  
Nonno: ::back at the clubhouse watching TV:: This is boring. Let's turn it off and go find everyone else.  
  
Genie: NOOO!!!  
  
::both of them dive for the remote and in the process end up changing the channel by mistake::  
  
Boss: HOLD IT! FREEZE RIGHT THERE!!!  
  
Genie&Nonno: Eh??  
  
Boss: Look, isn't that Maxwell?  
  
Genie&Nonno: Eh? ::look at the TV::  
  
Reporter on TV: We're live at the 25 Cent concert (A/N: Heheh...clever, aren't I? You know, like the rapper 50 Cent? Never mind...) where police have discovered a group of hamsters with illegal marijuana in their possession...  
  
::The police are surrounding a group of 3 hamsters, including Maxwell, all of whom look incredibly stoned::  
  
Genie: HOLY CRAP!  
  
Police-Ham: ::on TV:: Alright, I'm afraid we're gonna have to bring you three in for questioning...  
  
Maxwell: You can't make me! I - heheh. I can fly! Heheh. You'll never catch - haha. Hahaharharharhar heheh ha. ::passes out::  
  
Everyone back at the clubhouse: OO  
  
Sandy: ::suddenly appears on that channel:: MAX!!! WHAT THE - ?!! MAXWELL HOW COULD YOU??!! I TOLD YOU TO HIDE THE POT SOMEWHERE AND ONLY USE IT IN PRIVATE!!!  
  
Everyone else: OO  
  
Police-Ham: Ma'am, he's out cold. He can't hear you no matter how loud you scream. Also, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take him back to the station, and after what you just said I'll have to ask you to come with -  
  
Sandy: NO!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! ::whips out a whistle and blows it as loud as she can, and the Monkey Cops' helicopter comes out of nowhere and lands beside her, and then she picks up Maxwell and throws him over her shoulder:: WELL, SO LONG LOSERS!!! GET US OUT OF HERE, MONKEYS!!!  
  
MC1: Your wish, you see, is our command  
  
MC2: As long as you keep your whistle at hand  
  
MC3: We will come whenever you call  
  
MC4: And help you make it through it all!!!  
  
Sandy: Yeah, yeah, can we just, like, go now?  
  
Boss MC: ::at the cockpit:: AWAY!!! ::flies off into the distance::  
  
Nonno: ::back at the clubhouse, still watching TV:: Okay, someone please explain to me what just happened.  
  
Boss: And if the monkey cops are actual cops, and Max and Sandy were just caught with illegal drugs, how come they're trying to help them?  
  
Steffers: Hey now, whose side are you on anyway??!!  
  
Boss: I was just sayin'...  
  
Genie: ::casually changes the channel back to the Newlywed Game::  
  
Panda: We're back, with our husbands ready to answer our first round of questions! Unfortunately, during the commercial break Sandy ran off to find Maxwell and neither of them has shown up, so we'll have to go on without them.  
  
Steffers: BOO!!!  
  
Genie: Shut up, I'm tryin' to hear the question!  
  
Panda: Our first question, guys, is: Would your wife say she is more of a neat freak, a fitness freak or a freak of nature? Hamtaro?  
  
Hamtaro: you repeat the question?  
  
Panda: No.  
  
Hamtaro: Uh...sausages?  
  
Panda: Right...okay, moving on then, Dexter, would your wife say she is more of a neat freak, a fitness freak or a freak of nature?  
  
Dexter: Pashmina is definitely a neat freak. Yeah...that's it.  
  
Panda: Okay, 009, what would you say?  
  
009: 003's kind of just an overall freak...  
  
Panda: So...freak of nature then?  
  
009: Yeah I guess...I mean, she's not very neat and cyborgs can't really be fit...so yeah. Freak of nature.  
  
Panda: Okay then, Spat. What would you say?  
  
Spat: PPPFFTTPPHHTTT!!! THAT GIRL'S A FREAK OF NATURE LIKE NONE OTHER, PPFFFTTHHPPP!!!  
  
Panda: Right-o, and lastly, Jingle, your response?  
  
Jingle: Everyone's a freak in their own kind of way, and each shall discover their inner freak one day.  
  
Panda: Okay then...well, that completes round one, we'll return to find out the wives' responses after this commercial break.  
  
::At that moment, back at the clubhouse, the door suddenly bursts open and Hushi appears, riding a hamster-sized Chocobo!!!::  
  
Hushi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D EVER BE BACK, DID YOU??? WELL HERE I AM!!! I CAME FOR YOU, NONNO, AND NOW YOU MUST PAY!!! Oh yes, I also brought along my evil companions Ghetto Melon, Barney, and Lucky. The HAMSTER TORTURERS!!! So resistance is futile.  
  
Nonno: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Genie: Everyone be quiet, the show is back!!!  
  
Hushi: Ooh, what are you watching?  
  
Genie: Newlywed Game.  
  
Hushi: Sweet. ::sits down on the floor in front of the TV::  
  
Nonno: I thought you were trying to kill me.  
  
Genie&Hushi: SHH!!!  
  
Panda: Okay, it's time to hear the wives' responses and see who can match their husband's answers. Bijou, you first. Does your husband think you would say you're more of a neat freak, a fitness freak or a freak of nature?  
  
Bijou: Moi? Je suis un neat freak, I guess. I don't like things to be messy.  
  
Panda: Okay, let's see how Hamtaro responded.  
  
Hamtaro: ::holds up card that says 'Sausages'::  
  
Bijou: Eh.................sausages?  
  
Hamtaro: Well, I don't know.  
  
Bijou: YOU IDIOT!!! ::punches him::  
  
Hamtaro: Ow...you hit hard, for a girl.  
  
Bijou: For a girl??!! FOR A GIRL??!! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??!! ::punches him again::  
  
Panda: Er. A-hem. Yes well, moving on, Pashmina.  
  
Pashmina: I am most definitely a neat freak.  
  
Dexter: ::holds up card that says 'Neat freak'::  
  
Pashmina: Huzzah!!! ::hugs him::  
  
Panda: Alright, 003, what would you say?  
  
003: I guess I'm a neat freak as well...I mean...I don't know, I just hope he didn't say freak of nature...  
  
009: ::holds up card that says 'Freak of nature'::  
  
003: AAAUUUGHHHHH!!! HOW COULD YOU??!!! ::whips out a ray gun and blasts him with it::  
  
009: ::sizzle::  
  
003: Dang. I think I broke him.  
  
Panda: Uhm. Okay, Kirbykat, what would you say?  
  
Kirbykat: Me, I'm a fitness freak!!! WEEEEE!!! Excercise 3 times a week, that's what I always say!!! Let's exercise now!!! WEEEEEEEE!!! ::jumps up and starts doing jumping jacks::  
  
Spat: Hence my answer, ppfffthpphh. ::holds up card that says 'Freak of nature'::  
  
Kirbykat: Oh darn, we didn't win either? Oh well!!!! I guess I am kinda weird!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! ::continues doing jumping jacks::  
  
Panda: And finally we come to you, Flying Hamster of Doom.  
  
FHOD: I'd say...hmmm...well, I am a flying hamster of doom after all, so we'll go with freak of nature.  
  
Panda: And Jingle said...  
  
Jingle: Live life your own way, make your own choice. We all have a dream, and we all have a voice.  
  
Panda: Uhm, right, where's your response?  
  
Jingle: Who needs those cards, the sky is our canvas.  
  
Panda: Right. I don't think Jingle gave an actual response, so that brings our score to...zero for everyone, except Dexter and Pashmina who have 5 points. We'll continue after these messages.  
  
Hushi: Right. Where was I?  
  
Genie: You were gonna kill Nonno.  
  
Hushi: Right, thanks. Where is she?  
  
Boss: She made a run for it during the show.  
  
Hushi: Aw dang. Now I gotta go. Well, I'm off then. Good bye! ::hurries away on her Chocobo with Lucky, Barney and Ghetto Melon following her::  
  
Boss: Hmm. I guess I should probably follow her and make sure no one gets hurt.  
  
Genie: You do that... ::still glued to the TV set::  
  
Steffers: I'm going to look for Sandy and Max. I'm kinda worried about them.  
  
Genie: You do that... ::still glued to the TV set::  
  
::Somewhere not too far away, where tons of news reporters and cameras are at the scene of a devastating helicopter crash::  
  
Reporter #1: I'm Sparklegirl Sassy with HTV6 News and like OHMYGOD we're here at the scene of a devastating helicopter crash!!! Right, Moonflower??  
  
Reporter #2: Right!! Can you believe what just happened?? Luckily two hamsters and a bunch of monkeys managed to escape!! Hey look, here's the two hamsters now!!! Can you tell us what happened???  
  
Sandy: Like, we were just flying along fine and smooth and suddenly BOOM! And we were going down!!  
  
Maxwell: Heeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  
  
Sandy: Sorry, my husband's stoned, he can't answer any questions right now.  
  
Moonflower: OHMYGOD you mean he's like into drugs?? Like hippies?? Is your husband a hippie??!!  
  
Sandy: Look, I'd rather not -  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: HEY LOOK IT'S THE MONKEYS!!!  
  
Moonflower: OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!! Am I seeing things, or is that giant monkey PURPLE??!!  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: OHMYGOD you're right!!! HEY MONKEY!!!  
  
Boss Monkey Cop: Eh??  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: Like OHMYGOD purple is our favorite color!!!  
  
Moonflower: Besides pink!!  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: Right, obviously! Can we have your autograph??!!  
  
Moonflower: PLEEEAAASSSEEE???  
  
Boss MC: Someone get these girls away from me!! Monkey cops, help!!!  
  
Sandy: They're gone...  
  
Boss MC: What?  
  
Sandy: Like, okay, I figured it out. You know that one chapter where everyone kept falling through holes in the space-time continuum?  
  
Boss MC: Mmmhmmm.  
  
Sandy: Well, like, it happened again. That was why the helicopter crashed, we ran into the hole but the helicopter couldn't go through for some reason, Max would explain it to you but he's passed out again...  
  
Maxwell:   
  
Sandy: And anyhow, now somehow all the other monkey cops fell through it!!  
  
Boss MC: Maybe they should put police tape around it or something...Well, I guess I better follow them in case anything bad or important happens...  
  
::Somewhere in Japan::  
  
C0021: I've had a really nice time tonight, 005.  
  
005: Yeah...heheheh...me too...  
  
C0021: The movie, the nice fancy sushi place for dinner...  
  
005: Yeah...  
  
::brief romantic silence in which C0021 and 005 slowly get closer to one another and are about to kiss very romantically...::  
  
C0021: Kiss me, 005.  
  
005: Okay.  
  
::when suddenly, the monkey cops fall through the hole in the space-time continuum::  
  
C0021: AHH! IT'S THE SARU COPS! THEY'RE AFTER ME!  
  
005: "Saru"? Those are monkeys!  
  
009: ::pops up out of nowhere:: Saru means monkey in Japanese.  
  
C0021: Shut up. ::throws 009 through the hole in the space-time continuum::  
  
Saru Cop 1: You're under arrest I'm sorry to say  
  
SC2: For taking an anime character today  
  
SC3: From Japan to U.S.A. this crime is heard  
  
SC4: From squirrel to tree, then monkey to bird  
  
SC1: So come quietly to jail today  
  
SC2: Cuz we'll catch you anyway.  
  
C0021: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! ::grows a pair of angel wings and grabs 005:: I didn't do it, Black Ghost opened up the space-time continuum! ::flies away through the hole in the space-time continuum::  
  
SC1: I guess they slipped through our grasp  
  
SC2: Especially since our copter crashed  
  
SC3: And we've no way to catch them now  
  
SC4: So we'll have to sit here and figure out how.  
  
::brief awkward silence::  
  
Boss SC: Anyone up for sushi?  
  
::Back at the clubhouse::  
  
Genie: ::still glued to the TV set::  
  
Panda: ::on TV:: Once again, we're back, and this time the wives will answer a question about their husbands worth 10 points, and then the big bonus question worth 25 points!!!  
  
Audience: Yay!  
  
Genie: Yay!  
  
Panda: Okay, Bijou, you're first. How would your husband complete this sentence: If my wife had more (blank) and less (blank), she'd be perfect!  
  
Bijou: Vell, I should hope Hamtaro thinks I am perfect just as I am...but if he could change me, I suppose more free time to spend vith him, and less sexiness.  
  
Panda: Uh...less sexiness?  
  
Bijou: Oui. I am too much woman for him to take sometimes, I think. He's a bit young for his age, if you know what I mean.  
  
Panda: I see...okay, Pashmina, your turn.  
  
Pashmina: If I had more...hmm...I guess more patience and less...less...uh...less frying pans.  
  
Panda: Should I even ask?  
  
Pashmina: It's his fault I've had to buy so many! If he wouldn't say such dumb things sometimes, I wouldn't have to waste pefectly good frying pans on his head!  
  
Panda: Right...okay...moving right along, 003, what would you say?  
  
003: Hmm...this is a toughie. I guess, if I had more of a sense of humor, and less of a sense of style. You know, sometimes I think I make 009 feel inferior because he knows I have better fashion sense than he does...  
  
Panda: Indeed...Alright. Kirbykat, your response?  
  
Kirbykat: More coffee!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Panda: Uh. Right. And less...?  
  
Kirbykat: Less...less...less coffee!!!!!  
  
Panda: I don't understand, and I won't try to understand. Flying Hamster of Doom?  
  
FHOD: If I had more vocal capacity and less coconuts. Yeah.  
  
Panda: Vocal capacity?  
  
FHOD: Yeah, you know, him being a musician and all, he likes me to sing along with his playing. But I'm not exactly someone you'd pick to sing a solo on Broadway, if you know what I mean.  
  
Panda: Alright then. And now for the bonus question: French fries or onion rings?  
  
Bijou: French fries.  
  
Pashmina: French fries.  
  
003: French fries.  
  
Kirbykat: ONION RIIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!  
  
FHOD: ::rolls her eyes:: Everyone's favorite, French fries.  
  
Panda: Okay, that's the end of that round and we'll be back with the husbands' responses after this.  
  
::the door of the clubhouse opens and YAY and Stan come in holding paws::  
  
Genie: Hi YAY! Hi Stan! Wanna watch the Newlywed Game with me?  
  
YAY: Oh darn, there is someone here...I mean, um, no, actually we had other plans. And the name's Falle.  
  
Stan: ::starts drooling:: Falle...such a beautiful name...  
  
Falle: ::whispering:: Come on, Stan, since Genie's in here let's go in Boss's room. ::drags Stan off towards Boss's room; however, the door is closed and Falle walks right through it and Stan crashes into it::  
  
Falle: ::opens the door from the inside:: Right, sorry, I forgot you can't walk through walls.  
  
::back at the scene of the helicopter crash::  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: Like OHMYGOD this is turning into a really big news story, wouldn't you say, Moonflower?  
  
Moonflower: Definitely! I mean, the horrible helicopter wreck! The hole in the space-time continuum! The disappearing monkey cops, including the giant purple one! The stoned hamster!  
  
Sandy: Could you, like, leave Max out of this?  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: And like OHMYGOD I think our story's about to get even more interesting!  
  
Moonflower: What do you mean?  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: I mean, a crazed-looking hamster riding a chocobo is headed this way, and what's more she's being followed by a leprechaun, a cantaloupe and a purple dinosaur!  
  
Moonflower: PURPLE!!!  
  
::Hushi, Lucky, Ghetto Melon, and Barney appear on the scene::  
  
Hushi: Have any of you seen Nonno come this way?  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: Nonno? Never heard of her! Can we interview you?  
  
Hushi: No.  
  
Moonflower: PLEEEAAASSSEE???  
  
Hushi: NO!  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy&Moonflower: PREEEEETTTY PLEAAASSE WITH SUGAR ON -  
  
Hushi: NOO!!! Lucky, Ghetto Melon, are we going to have to teach these girls a lesson?  
  
Lucky&Ghetto Melon: DUN DUN DUN!!! HAMSTER TORTURERS!!!  
  
Lucky: Aye, I'll avenge me own death with these POISONED LUCKY CHARMS!!! They're magically disgusting!  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo yo my homies, what it is witchu?  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy&Moonflower: AAAIIIEEEEE!!! ::run away::  
  
Hushi: Haha! That's more like it. All shall bow before my presence!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Now, onward and upward! Giddyup, faithful chocobo! ::rides off into the sunset::  
  
::back at the clubhouse::  
  
Genie: ::still glued to the TV::  
  
Panda: ::on TV:: Welcome back to the Newlywed Game, and the final round which will decide the winners of our extra-special GRAND PRIZE!!!  
  
Audience: YAY!!!  
  
Genie: YAY!!!  
  
Panda: Okay, husbands, we asked your wives how you would complete this sentence: If my wife had more (blank) and less (blank), she'd be perfect. Hamtaro?  
  
Hamtaro: Uh, well, I guess if Bijou had more sexiness and less free time...  
  
Bijou: WHAT??!! ::holds up card that says 'free time / sexiness' and then starts beating Hamtaro over the head with it::  
  
Hamtaro: What? Ow! Why - OW! - would - OW! - you - OWOW!! - want - OOWW!!! - less - OW! - sexiness? OW OW OW!  
  
Bijou: You don't think I'm sexy enough, do you? ::continues beating him:: And why would I want less free time?  
  
Hamtaro: Well, you're always - OW! - messing with - OW!! - your hair and - OW! - stuff and I just - OW! - thought you'd want - OW! - more of a - OW! - life than that. OWOWOW!!!  
  
Panda: Bijou, please. Put down the giant cardboard thingy.  
  
Bijou: Sorry.  
  
Panda: Okay, Dexter, what would you say?  
  
Dexter: Well, the one thing I can't stand about Pashmina -  
  
Pashmina: ::glares at him::  
  
Dexter: ...heheheh...is that somehow no matter what I say she finds some way to get mad at me, which often results in my being beaten over the head with a frying pan...so, I'll say more patience and less frying pans.  
  
Pashmina: Huzzah!!! ::holds up card that says 'patience / frying pans' and then starts beating him over the head with it::  
  
Dexter: OW!! Why are you - OW! - hurting me? OW! We - OW! - got it right! OW!  
  
Pashmina: ::tears streaming down her cheeks:: I'm just so utterly happy!  
  
Panda: Er. Pashmina, please.  
  
Pashmina: Right. Sorry.  
  
Panda: Okay, 009. What's your answer?  
  
009: Um...I guess more of a sense of humor...and less memory.  
  
003: What?? What's wrong with you?? ::holds up card that says 'sense of humor / sense of style'::  
  
009: Me? What's wrong with ME??!! What's wrong with YOU??!! You have no sense of style whatsoever!!  
  
003: Well what the heck is 'less memory' supposed to mean?  
  
009: I mean you remember things like the back of your hand and you're always finding ways to get on my case about things I did or said a long time ago! Like this! I bet fifty years from now you'll say ' Hey, remember that time on the Newlywed Game when you were so dumb...'  
  
003: ::sigh:: I give up! ::hurls the card at his head::  
  
009: Ow.  
  
Panda: Please, EVERYONE, stop the cardboard violence.  
  
003: Sorry.  
  
Panda: Okay, Spat, your go.  
  
Spat: Pfftppthhh!!! More brains, less insanity. Pfftpht.  
  
Kirbykat: HEY! THAT'S MEAN! I CAN BLACKMAIL YOU, Y'KNOW! ::holds up card that says 'coffee / coffee'::  
  
Spat: WHAT??!! THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD!!!  
  
Kirbykat: AAAAHHHH NEED MORE COFFEE!!! ::starts eating her card::  
  
Panda: Right...well, at least she's not using it as a weapon. And finally we come to you, Jingle.  
  
Jingle: If only my love had more of a voice, and far fewer coconuts would be my choice.  
  
FHOD: Jingle, you did something right!!! ::holds up card that says 'vocal capacity / coconuts' and then hugs him::  
  
Jingle: Right is in the eye of the beholder.  
  
Panda: And that brings us to our final, 25-point BONUS QUESTION! And here it is: French fries or onion rings?  
  
Hamtaro: French fries!  
  
Bijou: Hoorah! ::holds up card that says 'French fries'::  
  
Dexter: French fries.  
  
Pashmina: Huzzah! ::holds up card that says 'French fries'::  
  
009: French fries?  
  
003: Yay! ::holds up card that says 'French fries'::  
  
Spat: French fries, pfftpht.  
  
Kirbykat: HAHAHAHAHA!!! ::holds up card that says 'Onion rings'::  
  
Spat: Idiot, pfftpthh.  
  
Jingle: Whatever a new day brings, whether fries or rings, it makes no difference when there's a song in your heart and food on your plate. So I'll go with the fries, Mac.  
  
FHOD: Would you like to supersize that? ::holds up card that says 'French fries'::  
  
Panda: Well, that means everyone gets the bonus except Spat and Kirbykat! Bringing our final score to: Hamtaro and Bijou with 25 points, Maxwell and Sandy with 0 points since they kinda disappeared, Dexter and Pashmina with 40 points, 009 and 003 with 25 points, Spat and Kirbykat with 0 points, and Jingle and Flying Hamster of Doom with 35 points. And thus our winners for this episode are: Dexter and Pashmina!  
  
Dexter&Pashmina: YAY!  
  
Panda: Do you want to know what you've won?  
  
Dexter&Pashmina: YES!!!  
  
Panda: You have won: A SET OF GIANT STEAK KNIVES!!!  
  
Dexter&Pashmina: HURRAY!!!  
  
Genie: This is getting boring. ::changes the channel::  
  
Clinton: Welcome to 'What Not To Wear.'  
  
Genie: Oh boy.  
  
Stacy: Today we have with us Pashmina, who insists on wearing her horrid pink scarf 24/7.  
  
Genie: Dude, Pashmina's getting a lot of air time this chapter.  
  
Pashmina: But - but it's a special scarf! It has special memories in its very stitching!  
  
Clinton: Right, right. Well, scarves can be a very attractive accesory.  
  
Stacy: But not if they're PINK!  
  
::Moonflower&Sparklegirl Sassy appear out of nowhere::  
  
Moonflower: PINK!!! I LOVE PINK!!!  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: ME TOO!!!  
  
::they attack Pashmina and attempt to steal her scarf::  
  
Pashmina: AAHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!  
  
Genie: There's too much violence on TV these days. ::changes the channel:: Oh boy, Star Trek is on!  
  
::Suddenly the door opens and everyone who was on the Newlywed Game comes in::  
  
Genie: Hey, you guys sure got back fast.  
  
FHOD: Yeah, well, the hole in the space-time continuum helped.  
  
Spat: Which I created, pfftppthh.  
  
FHOD: I know, you're so cool! ::looks at Jingle:: I wish Jingle did more than play his guitar and write poetry...say, Kirbykat, wanna trade boyfriends?  
  
Kirbykat: We can't, I'm already married to Spat, remember?  
  
FHOD: Well, you could get a on, you can have Jingle!  
  
Kirbykat: Really?! SWEET!!! ::tackles Jingle::  
  
FHOD: So I get Spat, right?  
  
Kirbykat: NO WAY! I NEVER SAID THAT!!  
  
FHOD: Then you can't have Jingle!!!  
  
Kirbykat: YOU SAID I COULD! I GET BOTH!!  
  
FHOD: NOOOO!!! ::tackles Kirbykat:: I NEED TO STOP LETTING YOU DRINK COFFEE ANYWAY!!!  
  
Kirbykat: YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE??!!  
  
FHOD: BRING IT ON!  
  
Spat: DON'T I GET A SAY IN THIS, PPFTTHPPHHTT!!!  
  
Kirbykat: ::holds up the blackmail tape::  
  
Spat: Oh...right...pfftpthh...  
  
::Outside::  
  
Kirbykat: Okay, let's settle this once and for all!  
  
FHOD: Right. So, if I - oh wow, hey Cappy! Hey Penelope!  
  
::Cappy and Penelope are approaching the clubhouse, Cappy carrying the remains of Adrienne in a plastic Ziploc bag::  
  
Cappy: Oh. Hi Kirbykat. Hi Tian Sirki.  
  
FHOD: Uuurrghhhh.  
  
Kirbykat: What's the matter? Why the long face, eh?  
  
Cappy: Ever have one of those days when you would have been better off if you hadn't ever gotten out of bed? But for some reason your girlfriend comes and decides to drag you off to the clubhouse for no reason...  
  
Penelope: It's for your own good, Cappy. We can't have you moping around for the rest of your life, gotta get your mind off that dumb banana. Honestly, I wish you'd just get rid of it, it's nothing but a pile of crap now.  
  
Cappy: ::starts crying::  
  
Kirbykat: Uh-oh.  
  
FHOD&Cappy&Penelope: What?  
  
Kirbykat: What day is it?  
  
FHOD: Friday.  
  
Kirbykat: It's not the third Friday of this month, is it?  
  
FHOD: I think so...yeah. Why?  
  
Kirbykat: Oh no...yes, I can feel it...it's coming on again...  
  
FHOD&Cappy&Penelope: What??!!  
  
Kirbykat: It happens on the third Friday of every month...I become...I become...  
  
FHOD&Cappy&Penelope: WHAT??!!  
  
::suddenly there's this huge flash of light and when it subsides, Kirbykat is wearing a lab coat and her hair is all crazy::  
  
Kirbykat: FREAKY MAD SCIENTIST GIRL!!!  
  
FHOD&Cappy&Penelope: AAAHHHHHH!!!!  
  
FMSG: What? It's not like I'm evil or anything.  
  
FHOD: Well, with 'mad' as part of the title, you never know what to expect...  
  
FMSG: Shut up, you.  
  
Cappy: Hey, if you're a freaky mad YOU BRING ADRIENNE BACK TO LIFE??!! ::holds up Adrienne's remains::  
  
Penelope: ::smacks herself in the forehead::  
  
FMSG: Well, I should think that would be possible...SINCE I AM ITS CREATOR!!!  
  
FHOD: What? You mean YOU created the Banana of Doom?  
  
FMSG: Yep!  
  
FHOD: Then how did the Monkey Cops get it?  
  
FMSG: They beat me at poker.  
  
FHOD: Oh.  
  
FMSG: But now - to do the impossible! Restore life to that which is dead! ::takes Adrienne's remains from Cappy:: Now I must go to my Freaky Mad Scientist lab. I'll be back in a bit. Ta-ta. ::runs away::  
  
FHOD: Oh great, this can't be good...I'll be back shortly. ::flies off after her::  
  
Cappy&Penelope: ...?  
  
::suddenly, over the horizon comes HUSHI on her miniature CHOCOBO, followed by LUCKY, BARNEY and GHETTO MELON!!!::  
  
Hushi: Hey, you there!  
  
Cappy: Eh? Me?  
  
Hushi: No, the giant polar bear standing behind you.  
  
Cappy: WHAT??!! ::turns around and sees there's nothing there:: There's no giant polar bear.  
  
Hushi: Duh, don't you know sarcasm when you hear it? What I meant was, who else would I be talking to?  
  
Cappy: Well you coulda been talking to Penelope.  
  
Hushi: Penelope?  
  
Cappy: Yeah. ::looks around and realizes Penelope's gone:: OH DANG! SHE LEFT TOO!! How come I seem to lose everyone I love??!! ::starts crying again::  
  
Hushi: Hey, cheer up. I'll give you this marshmallow ::holds out marshmallow:: if you tell me what I need to know!  
  
Cappy: MARSHMALLOW!!! ::starts drooling:: You got it! Anything at all!  
  
Hushi: Where is NONNO??!!  
  
Cappy: Uh...oh, she was just here. She went...uh...that way. ::points left::  
  
Hushi: Thanks. ::throws Cappy the marshmallow:: CARRY ON, MEN!  
  
Lucky: Aye.  
  
Ghetto Melon: Foshizzle.  
  
Barney: Super-de-duper!  
  
::they leave in the direction Cappy indicated::  
  
Cappy: Yay! Marshmallow!  
  
Penelope: How did you know where Nonno went? And why'd you tell them?  
  
Cappy: Oh, that? I just lied - HEY! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?? YOU WERE GONE A SECOND AGO!!!  
  
Penelope: No I wasn't. I was right here the whole time.  
  
Cappy: But I looked, and you were gone, and - oh, forget it. Marshmallow time. ::looks at the marshmallow:: You know, I was gonna eat this thing all by myself...  
  
Penelope: But you're going to share with me because you love me, right?  
  
Cappy: NO! I'm just starting to realize how beautiful it is! So I'm not going to eat it after all!  
  
Penelope: ::falls over anime-style::  
  
Cappy: Yep, maybe I don't need Adrienne back after all, as long as I have...uh...Marcia!  
  
Penelope: OH NO YOU DON'T!! NO MARSHMALLOW IS GOING TO TAKE MY PLACE IN YOUR HEART!!! ::grabs the marshmallow and makes a run for it::  
  
Cappy: NOOOO!!! COME BACK!!! ::chases her::  
  
Penelope: HUSHI!!!!  
  
Hushi: ::far off on the horizon, hears her name called and turns around:: Eh?  
  
Penelope: YOU CAN'T LET CAPPY HAVE THIS MARSHMALLOW!!!  
  
Hushi: ::comes back:: Why not?  
  
Penelope: You don't understand! He falls in love with every piece of food he gets his paws on! Take it back, quick, before it's too late! ::throws the marshmallow to Hushi::  
  
Cappy: NOOOOO!!!! ::runs up and tackles Hushi::  
  
Hushi: AAAHHHH!!! GET OFF ME!!! ::starts beating him with her spoon::  
  
Cappy: OW! OKAY OKAY!! ::gets off her:: BUT PLEASE, UNHAND MARCIA!!  
  
Penelope: Don't do it, Hushi!  
  
Hushi: Hmm...well you know, there's only one thing to do in this situation, with this nice of a marshmallow.  
  
Cappy&Penelope: What?  
  
Hushi: ROAST IT!!! Help me build a bonfire, Penelope.  
  
Penelope: OKAY!  
  
Cappy: NOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Hushi: Here, hold this, Lucky. ::gives Lucky the marshmallow::  
  
Cappy: NOOOO!!! I'M AFRAID OF LEPRECHAUNS!!! ::huddles in a ball on the ground:: Why me? Why me?  
  
::Hushi and Penelope gather a bunch of wood and start a bonfire::  
  
Hushi: Nothin' like a good marshmallow roast, eh, Penelope? ::takes the marshmallow from Lucky and gives it to Penelope::  
  
Penelope: You said it. ::sticks the marshmallow on a stick and starts roasting it::  
  
Cappy: ::laying on his side on the ground with tears streaming down his face:: M...Marcia...  
  
::outside the clubhouse::  
  
Jingle: ::sitting on a rock playing his guitar:: Love cannot be traded, like the precious jem it has come to represent in the hearts of those who feel it so deeply every day...I wonder what's with those two girls anyway. And where they went.  
  
::suddenly the rest of the hamster 00cyborgs appear::  
  
C0021: Hey Jingle! ::holding 005's paw:: Where is everyone?  
  
Jingle: ::shrugs:: Places.  
  
0016: Hey Jingle, I brought someone who's been wanting to meet you. It's my twin sister, 000!  
  
000: Hi!  
  
Jingle: Well, hello gorgeous!  
  
000: ::blushes::  
  
0016: Hey hey hey, you're sounding like Stan. Can't have you hitting on my sister, you know.  
  
000: Why not? I don't mind...  
  
0016: ::rolls her eyes::  
  
::then Penelope comes back to the clubhouse, dragging Cappy behind her, who is still sobbing::  
  
Penelope: Hello everyone. Cappy's a bit depressed because I roasted and subsequently consumed his friend Marcia the marshmallow.  
  
Jingle: Tragic.  
  
Penelope: Hey, 0016, you're back! And...there's two of you...  
  
000: YEP! Meet my twin sister, 000!  
  
0016: --U  
  
Penelope: Cool! I didn't know you had a twin.  
  
::then everyone inside the clubhouse joins the rest of them outside, except for Genie, who is still watching Star Trek, and Falle and Stan::  
  
Hamtaro: HI EVERYBODY!!! Cyborgs! Jingle! Cappy! Penelope!  
  
Everyone: Hi, Hamtaro.  
  
0016: Hey guys, meet my twin sister, 000.  
  
Penelope: Hey, wait a second, I thought you were 000 and she was 0016.  
  
000: I am 0016.  
  
Penelope: GAAH!!! SOMEONE HELP ME!! MY BRAIN'S GONNA EXPLODE!!! ::starts running around in circles::  
  
Jingle: I know which is which. ::points at 000:: You're 000.  
  
000: Hey!!! You ruined it!  
  
Jingle: I could never forget who you are, because you left your mark on my heart when I first saw you.  
  
000: Awwww.....that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me...::bats her eyes at Jingle::  
  
0016: WILL YOU TWO TAKE THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE IF YOU'RE GONNA GET ALL MUSHY??!!  
  
000: Gladly. Come on, Jingle. ::grabs Jingle and starts to run off but when they go behind a tree a little ways away they run directly into Boss and Nonno who happen to be making out::  
  
Boss&Nonno: AAAHHHH!!!  
  
000: Oops. Sorry.  
  
Boss: It's okay, 0016, you just scared me there, you know, thought you might be Hushi or someone...  
  
000: I'm not 0016, I'm - I mean, what was I thinking, of course I'm 0016, what I meant was - you know what, I'll leave you two alone now. ::rushes off with Jingle::  
  
Nonno: How very odd.  
  
Boss: Indeed.  
  
::brief awkward silence::  
  
Nonno: Well don't just stand there, I know you wanna get back to business.  
  
Boss: Heck yeah.  
  
::they start making out again::  
  
::back outside the clubhouse::  
  
C0021: Aaaaah I'm bored.  
  
005: Me too. Let's get some food.  
  
C0021: You just ate fifteen boxes of Pocky.  
  
005: Oh. Right.  
  
Mysteriou voice: Hey, C0021!!!  
  
C0021: Eh? Who's there?  
  
::Ham-Ham Yoh Asakura jumps out of a tree and lands in front of C0021::  
  
YA: Weren't expecting to see me, were you?  
  
C0021: Hey! What are you doing here?  
  
YA: I challenge you to a shaman battle! ::summons his guardian Ham-Ham ghost, Amidamaru::  
  
C0021: You're on! ::summons her guardian Ham-Ham ghost, Lilona::  
  
::while they begin to battle, not too far away Hushi is becoming suspicious::  
  
Hushi: I still haven't picked up Nonno's scent...I bet that little punk lied to me! And I even gave him the marshmallow!  
  
Lucky: Aye, and then you helped Penelope roast it.  
  
Hushi: Shut up! I'm going to have to go kick his butt anyway...  
  
::back outside the clubhouse::  
  
C0021: Haha! I win!  
  
YA: Poop ::turned into a mouse::  
  
Hushi: ::appears on the horizon:: AARRGHHH!!! WHERE IS THE FOOL WHO LIED TO ME??!!  
  
Cappy: ::whimpers and hides behind Penelope::  
  
Penelope: ::sigh::  
  
Hushi: You...you...GET HIM, LUCKY!!!  
  
Cappy: NOOO!! NOT THE LEPRECHAUN!!!  
  
::suddenly Ham-Hams Kenshin and Sano appear on the scene::  
  
Kenshin: STAY BACK, EVIL MYTHICAL IRISH BEING!!!  
  
Lucky: Try me Lucky Charms! ::holds out a bowl of Lucky Charms::  
  
Kenshin: Hey, thanks. ::takes them from Lucky::  
  
::suddenly Moonflower and Sparklegirl Sassy appear::  
  
Moonflower: DON'T EAT THEM!  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: THEY'RE POISONED!!!  
  
Kenshin: Really? Thanks for the warning. As for you, leprechaun man...  
  
Lucky: ::gulp::  
  
Kenshin: ::shoves the bowl of poisoned Lucky Charms down Lucky's throat::  
  
Lucky: ACK!! ::starts twitching and then falls over dead::  
  
Hushi: NOOO!!! YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!!! GHETTO MELON, GET THEM!!!  
  
Ghetto Melon: Foshizzle. 'Sup dawgs?  
  
Kenshin: NOOO!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!  
  
Sano: Leave it to me. ::whips out a melon baller (A/N: You know, one of those things you use to make little balls of melon, like for fruit salads and stuff?)  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo, I ain't down with that yo.  
  
Sano: HAHA! TAKE THAT! ::lunges at Ghetto Melon::  
  
Ghetto Melon: Dang, yo. ::rolls out of the way and simultaneously knocks the melon baller out of Kenshin's paw::  
  
Sano: it be? Could this piece of fruit have beaten me?  
  
Dexter: Here, use this. ::holds up a steak knife::  
  
Sano: Eh...?  
  
Pashmina: We won them on the Newlywed Game.  
  
Sano: Uh...okay, whatever works.  
  
Dexter: ::throws him the steak knife which Sano miraculously catches by the handle::  
  
Sano: HAHA! THIS ENDS HERE, STUPID FRUIT!!! ::hurls the knife into Ghetto Melon and it pierces completely though him::  
  
Ghetto Melon: Yo, what it is? ::dies::  
  
Hushi: this be possible??? I'm...LOSING??!! ALL I HAVE LEFT IS BARNEY!! GO, STUPID DINOSAUR!!  
  
Barney: Heehee! Let's sing our favorite song! I love you, you love me...  
  
Sano: NOOOO!! NOT THAT!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!  
  
Penelope: I'll take care of this. ::transforms into SuperHamHamGirl with her yellow cape and pink light saber thing::  
  
Barney: With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you...  
  
Penelope: HOW ABOUT A DEATH BLOW FROM ME TO YOU??!! ::swings her light saber into him as hard as she can::  
  
Barney: Won't you say...you....love...me...toooooooo... ::dies::  
  
Hushi: DARN IT DARN IT DARN IT!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??!!! Wait...I do have one ultimate secret weapon left...BLINKY THE PAC-MAN GHOST!!! HAHA!!! ::jumps aside and Blinky is standing there::  
  
Penelope: What the - ?  
  
Hushi: Unbeknownst to Tian Sirki, the Pac-Man machine she was playing before was ENCHANTED! And upon achieving the high score, BLINKY CAME TO LIFE AND FOLLOWED HER HOME FROM THE ARCADE!!! Luckily, I found him and was able to bring him under my power! SO GO, BLINKY! FULFILL YOUR CALLING AND DESTROY YOUR ENEMIES!!!  
  
Blinky: ::glides towards Cappy::  
  
Penelope: ::steps on him::  
  
Hushi: Well that was pointless.  
  
::suddenly Sandy, Maxwell, Steffers, and the Monkey Cops fall out of the sky::  
  
Sandy: Ow! ::looks up and shakes her fist at the sky:: STUPID SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM!!!  
  
Maxwell: Hey, what's going on?  
  
Sparklegirl Sassy: Hey, you're not stoned anymore!  
  
Maxwell: Heheh...yeah, about that, uh...::scratches the back of his head:: Y'know, I think I'll just be going now -  
  
Sandy: Oh no you don't. ::grabs his arm::  
  
Steffers: I completely missed like this entire chapter cuz I was looking for Max and Sandy. Urrr THIS SUCKS! I mean, what's going on?  
  
Boss Monkey Cop: HEY, IT'S THAT HUSHI GIRL!!!  
  
MC1: We've been looking all over for you  
  
MC2: Because there is something that we have to do  
  
MC3: For all of the crimes you've committed so foul  
  
MC4: We're taking you to jail now.  
  
Hushi: NO!! YOU CAN'T!!! ::tries to run away but the monkey cops grab her::  
  
Boss MC: Hushi, you are hereby placed under arrest for the murders of Lucky, Adrienne, and Sparkle the hamster.  
  
Hushi: Crap.  
  
MCs: ::drag her off to jail::  
  
Hushi: BOSS, WHEREVER YOU ARE, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I'LL COME BACK FOR YOU I SWEAR!!! YOU SHALL BE MINE!!! As soon as I finalize my divorce with Billy- Bob-Joe-Lenny-Smith-The-Turtle the 11th...  
  
Boss: ::a little ways away still making out with Nonno, suddenly stops and looks up:: Did I just hear my name?  
  
Nonno: ::shrugs::  
  
::back outside the clubhouse::  
  
Hamtaro: Well, that was fun!  
  
::at that moment the clubhouse suddenly bursts into flames for no apparent reason::  
  
C0021: HOLY CRAP!!!  
  
Steffers: What's going on???  
  
Hamtaro: Well that's not good, Genie and Stan and Falle are in there. Hahahaha.  
  
Steffers: WHAT??!! THEY ARE??!! RESCUE MISSION TIME!!!  
  
::inside the clubhouse::  
  
Genie: ::still watching TV:: Haha, I love Captain Kirk.  
  
::the door bursts down and Steffers runs in::  
  
Steffers: GENIE! THERE YOU ARE! COME ON, WE GOTTA GET YOU OUTTA HERE!! ::grabs Genie's paw::  
  
Genie: No, no, Star Trek's not over!!! ::the TV explodes and starts flaming like crazy:: Oh. Now it is.  
  
Steffers: WHERE'S STAN AND FALLE???  
  
Genie: They're in Boss's room, making out or something.  
  
::Steffers and Genie break down the door to Boss's room and Stan and Falle are playing Monopoly::  
  
Falle: Haha, you landed on my Park Place! You owe me -  
  
Steffers: Come on, guys! The clubhouse is burning down!  
  
Stan: Dude, it is?  
  
Falle: Oh wow. I had no idea. ::grabs Stan and they all make a run for it::  
  
::outside::  
  
::Jingle and 000 come back::  
  
000: Look everyone, me and Jingle got married! And holy crap, what happened to the clubhouse?  
  
0016: It caught on fire somehow. And why the heck did you get married??!! You just met Jingle!  
  
Jingle: Nothin' like old-fashioned love at first sight...  
  
0016: ::sigh:: I wonder what Kirbykat and the Flying Hamster of Doom will have to say about that...  
  
::in Freaky Mad Scientist Girl's (aka Kirbykat's) secret hidden laboratory::  
  
::Adrienne's remains are on a big table thing like in Frankenstein::  
  
FMSG: Okay, Tian Sirki, throw the switch!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: WHY am I doing this? ::throws the switch::  
  
FMSG: Yes...yes...IT'S ALIVE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!  
  
Flying Hamster of Doom: ::pokes Adrienne's remains:: Looks the same to me.  
  
FMSG: Shut up, I'll get this right eventually.  
  
::in a courtroom::  
  
Judge john: Hushi the hamster, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by the state of Hawaii.  
  
Hushi: Hawaii?  
  
john: I hereby sentence you to 141 years in a state correctional facility, or 36 hours of watching 'The Brady Bunch.' Pick your poison.  
  
Hushi: How come Boss only got 47 years or 12 hours?  
  
john: He killed one guy. You killed three. The sentence is tripled.  
  
Hushi: Okay, then I'll take the Brady Bunch.  
  
john: Okay, your funeral. ::lifts up a screen revealing a giant TV and turns it on::  
  
TV: Here's the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls...  
  
john: Well, I'm outta here. ::leaves quickly along with the jury and everyone else:: Oh yeah, and don't try to leave, because all the doors are locked from the outside. Very securely. Ta-ta.  
  
Hushi: Well, this stinks.  
  
Phew, that was a long freakin' chapter. I hope you enjoyed it, took me many long hours to write it. Also, please don't kill me Maxwell fans!!! It wasn't my idea to have him be stoned!! Hahaha...although I must admit it was a pretty good idea, thank you Hushi! And, everyone else who gave me ideas, of course: C0021, Sparklegirl Sassy, Kirbykat, Tian Sirki, john, YAY!, and Brittany. THANKS ALL!!!  
  
As always, send me your reviews and ideas, and I PROMISE the next chapter will be up faster than this one was. Heh. U 


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